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Join My Auction
Starting may 2, i will run an auction on my page.any one can join , no rule nsfw is stroongly recommended. 1,000 to enter. bids will start at 10,000. send me link to pic and 1,000 aloong with anything u wanna offer. again bids will open on may 2nd and run till may 9th.
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provided by RedHotMomma please take the time to stop by... subscribe and pass the word along...
Join Forbidden Freaks!!!
Click the Pic To Enter The Lounge COME JOIN ONE OF THE HOTTEST FEMALE GROUPS ON FUBAR ... FORBIDDEN FREAKS PLEASE CONTACT SMARTBLONDE7289_ fu marriied && giirlfriiend to FREEKSHOW_[[Forbiidden's Head Freak]]@ fubar OR CRyST@L¢¾lovesit..Dat SeckSI biSH¢¾He@d Fre@k of Forbidden's Fre@ks@ fubar FOR DETAILS
Join The Official Lounge!!!
We would like to thank our wonderful webmistress Glitter Bomb for creating an awesome fubar lounge dedicated just to The Genocydal Empyre Omega! From this page, just go to our list of lounges and subscribe! When we do shows, we'll all be in there... will you?
Join The Official Lounge!!!
We would like to thank our wonderful webmistress Glitter Bomb for creating an awesome fubar lounge dedicated just to The Genocydal Empyre Omega! From this page, just go to our list of lounges and subscribe! When we do shows, we'll all be in there... will you?
Join Have Some Fun
Tell your friends and pass it on... Code to Post on Fubar THIS PIMP OUT BROUGHT TO YOU BY QUEEN Nassy V4mpir3 GothMother OWNED BY Thump☆Star*@ fubar
Join The Dream Team
tr> We Are Seeking A Few Good Men & Women To Join Us...So If You Have Team Spirit And Would Love To Make Some Great Friends Come Check Us Out "All" Is Welcome! AKA MRS.T Team Leader Big Poppa Team Assistant
Join The Sinful Angel's
Join Me & Team 2 Fu-angels 2day
Joining Fubar
Im new to this site its a bit different from any thing i been to my friend is very excited that im here now the she is so happy.
Join The Parade
Calling all service members and supporters!!! Welcome to the “We Support You” Parade. Please line up and let us show our support for the men and women of our Armed Forces past and present. They deserve our love and support 24/7, so now we are not stopping just because a day has past, we are marching on. Do not let this parade stop!! Here are the rules: ****If for any reason you have a problem with Fan/Rating/Adding everyone on the list, but would like to join the Parade, please contact me (the host). This is to show support and give strength to those who have sacrificed so much for us.**** There will be 3 sections to this parade, you must start at the bottom of the page and work toward top. Fan/rate/and add everyone. In your requests or even in gifts, please specify if you are a Vet, Currently Serving, or a Supporter. If you have already added them, please leave them a comment letting them know you are joining the “We Support You” Parade. Present Service M
Join The Fun!
A SALUTE TO HAPPY COUNTRY GIRL CONTEST!!!! **Your picture must include a salute to me, Happy Country Girl!!! **All pictures MUST be SFW!! **The contest will begin Sunday, June 15 at 6:00 pm est. time. It will end Friday, June 27 at 6:00 pm est. time. **NO DRAMA!!!! If you start drama, you will be deleted, no warning and no questions asked!! **This is a comment bombing contest. Self bombing is allowed and encouraged. **If you aren't going to participate until the end, please don't waste time by entering. **This is a CONTEST.....So, have fun!!!!!!!! **There is NO entry fee. **All you need to do is send me a link to the salute pic once you get it done. *** I hope you'll join the fun!!! *** *****PRIZES***** 1st Place: 2 Bling Packs & a 7 day blast 2nd place: 150,000 Fu-bucks The person with the most pic rates will receive a Bling Pack. This contest is being brought to you by the ever so friendly: Happy Country Girl~~Shadow Leveler~~@ f
The Joint
Join The Writers
Join Us For A Threesome Fu-wedding!
Join The Fubar Island Train!
COME JOIN US ON FUBAR ISLAND......IT WILL BE IN TO DIFFERENT GROUPS U WILL HAVE UR FEMALES AND U WILL HAVE UR MALES MAKE SURE ADD FAN AND RATE EACH ONE SB ME OR MAIL ME AND ILL GET U ON THE TRAIN... HERE IS THE FEMALE HOTTIES OF FU START WITH ME AND MAKE UR WAY DOWN...IF U HAVE THEM ALREADY LEAVE THEM ON COMMENT LETTIN THEN KNOW UR JOIN THE FUBAR ISLAND... Dj. Tesha-Rl Gf/Fu Wife/Owned By Franklin-Greeter at club Illusions..@ fubar In my dreams...or yours? ~~Leader of the CONVOY ~*~ Pilot of Fantasy Flight ~*~ Shadow Leveler ~*~@ fubar ~ ♥ ~ME~ ♥ ~@ fubar Frozen Mystical Dreamzzzz@ fubar ~PebblesinAZ~Argonutz' Angel~Read Blogs!!@ fubar Lucie in the Sky
Join Me.
I DJ Tuesday - Thursday 10-12pm EST So come stop by and JOIN the lounge. Would be appreciated!
Join Me
Everyone interested in talking to me if u can't catch me here catch me on my mocospace. i am there alot mocospace dot com. name iluvmeu2
groy2508 invites you to    
We are looking for some of the BEST women on FUBAR!Someone that is willing to go on cam and have fun,nothing dirty unless thats what you want. All our lovely Babydoll's will be protected by the best security there is. If you are interested in become a babydoll or Security @ either lounge please click the banner above and send me an email. We are lookin for lots and the 1st 10 sign up's(BABYDOLLS ONLY) will recieve a 25k-50k sign on BONUS!Hope to see you soonMANAGEMENT AT:WOLFPACK LOUNGE && BODY HEAT!
send all your fubucks to join my religion. diology
Join Our Coven And Work You Way Up If You Can
We are the Lost Coven If you like good honest people then here you go!! We are the best on Fu.. I promise once you join the coven you have made friends for life.. Please remember if you join the coven there is no going back!!! So now it is up to you!! Do you sit and wonder what we are all about or do you walk threw the gates and into our world? The choice is yours!!! Blessed Be... CLICK THE PIC TO GO B4 THE COVEN..
Join My Mafia Family
Join Me
Join Me Tonight For My First Happy Hour
HAPPY HOUR !!! SILVERPIXI is having her very 1st HAPPY HOUR tonight at 6 fubar time LET"S SHOW HER LOTS OF LOVE RATE HER, SPANK HER, BLING HER what ever we have to do ~Silverpixi ~Owned by DebiCakes, Mara Jade, §ŵ† Çĥ®®¥ and Ring of Fire~Owner of DebiCake, (repost of original by 'Liberated Spice Club United Owner* R/L WIFEY 2 Big Jimmy--DSC***Life Saver' on '2008-08-05 08:22:13')
Join Sarge's Football Train!
Texas Longhorn Fight Song - Longhorns The Host: Sarge's Bad Girls@ fubar The Enforcer: Tulsa's Angel~ Sarge's Bad Girl ~ Club FAR Team LOVE Cpt@ fubar ****************************** What you have to do is really easy, FIRST rate these 50 pictures, starting with this picture: SECOND, rate, fan, and add all on this bulletin/blog. If they are already your friend, rerate if necessary and leave the comment "Taking a pass with the Sarge!". Be sure to add the above two as well as the below riders. Those of you receiving friend requests, you MUST fan and rate and not just accept the friend request. THIRD, when you're done, let me know and I will get you added. ****************************** The Riders:
Join The Steeler Mafia!
All you have to do to join The Steeler Mafia is.... First Rate this folder of Steeler Pics. There are only 50 pics. Here is the link..... After you have rated the Folder of Steeler Pics pics then Rate, Fan and then Add the rest of The Mafia In your friend request put "Joining The Steeler Mafia" or something along those lines. If someone is already on your friends list check to see if you can Re-Rate them then leave them a comment saying you are "Joining The Steeler Mafia" **ALSO** When you get friend requests from people joining after you..... DO NOT JUST accept the request!!! PLEASE go back and Fan and Rate them as well!! That is the whole point of joining the train afterall!! So when you have done all that send me a message and let me know!!! ****NO SHOUTS PLEASE**** When I receive your e-mail that you are done I will add you to the list and make your "Steeler Mafia" tag. There will be a folder in my pics with everyones tag in it. ***
Join The Steeler Mafia!
All you have to do to join The Steeler Mafia is.... First Rate this folder of Steeler Pics. There are only 50 pics. Here is the link..... After you have rated the Folder of Steeler Pics pics then Rate, Fan and then Add the rest of The Mafia In your friend request put "Joining The Steeler Mafia" or something along those lines. If someone is already on your friends list check to see if you can Re-Rate them then leave them a comment saying you are "Joining The Steeler Mafia" **ALSO** When you get friend requests from people joining after you..... DO NOT JUST accept the request!!! PLEASE go back and Fan and Rate them as well!! That is the whole point of joining the train afterall!! So when you have done all that send me a message and let me know!!! ****NO SHOUTS PLEASE**** When I receive your e-mail that you are done I will add you to the list and make your "Steeler Mafia" tag. There will be a folder in my pics with everyones tag in it. ***
Join Us Tonight In Bada Bing For Dj Bountys Birthday Bash!!
It's DJ Bounty's Birthday! Come Celebrate with the Family In Bada Bing!! ******SPECIAL TONIGHT!!! Jam with us for Bounty's Birthday Bash from 10pm to 2am EST .. DJ BOUNTY, Bada Bing's Host has been a rock from the start of Bada Bing and a treasured friend. The Biotch..The Bulldog..The Quicker Picker Upper.. the Golden Egg.... He does more then anyone can possibly imagine for the Bada Bing Family and without him - we would not still be here ... Known for his sexy Chippendale dances, priceless typos, Glass shattering Moans, 2000 fucks, Awesome Heart and Rockin Style, He is treasure to everyone in the Bada Family! *****Queeny will host the BASH - There will be lots of Bountys Favorite tunes and - OF COURSE - Trivia and FuBuck Prizes ... All our trivia will have something to do with Bounty or things he loves!!! (Bounty will be on a 2 minute delay to answer lol) ...SO ALL THE FAMILY COME OUT, INVITE YOUR FRIENDS, SHOW SOME MAD LOVE and Lets Get Completely SHITFACED TOGETHER!
Join Us Tonight In Bada Bing For Dj Bountys Birthday Bash!!
It's DJ Bounty's Birthday! Come Celebrate with the Family In Bada Bing!! ******SPECIAL TONIGHT!!! Jam with us for Bounty's Birthday Bash from 10pm to 2am EST .. DJ BOUNTY, Bada Bing's Host has been a rock from the start of Bada Bing and a treasured friend. The Biotch..The Bulldog..The Quicker Picker Upper.. the Golden Egg.... He does more then anyone can possibly imagine for the Bada Bing Family and without him - we would not still be here ... Known for his sexy Chippendale dances, priceless typos, Glass shattering Moans, 2000 fucks, Awesome Heart and Rockin Style, He is treasure to everyone in the Bada Family! *****Queeny will host the BASH - There will be lots of Bountys Favorite tunes and - OF COURSE - Trivia and FuBuck Prizes ... All our trivia will have something to do with Bounty or things he loves!!! (Bounty will be on a 2 minute delay to answer lol) ...SO ALL THE FAMILY COME OUT, INVITE YOUR FRIENDS, SHOW SOME MAD LOVE and Lets Get Completely SHITFACED TOGETHER!
Join The Tattoo Train!
Join Us Mumm
was just a joke we wanted to see what people would say and of course get all you to hollar so think we did out job love ya much girl got over 1,00 looks on that one
Join Us To Take Back America And End The War, Fix Health Care, Increase The Minimum Wage And Lower The Price Of Gasoline.
Help end the Iraq war and more. Add me as a friend now & Give me an American Flag after you make these calls. Also on my profile click SHARE THIS! then click friends and then click SHARE and it will give you points and send my profile information to each of your friends. Please click share this for this blog entry and click friends and then share to let your friends to see this blog entry. Thank you. Please make these 4 toll free phone calls and get as many people as you can to make these calls today to get the following progressive legislation enacted. The Republican party appears weak and vulnerable at the cash registers of those companies that give money to them. I don't consider it enough to silently boycott these companies. You need to tell them you refuse to buy their products until their CEO speaks to congressional leaders and the president and gets the action done or legislation passed. The more people who make these calls, the more likely we will get results.
ok people come join my fucking lounge i need you guys to help me out please here is the fucking link to it
Join My Team
I party for a living and you can too! I’m actively seeking Romance Enhancement Consultants nationwide! If you are Lively, a People-Person, Fun, Sassy, Easy Going, and just an all around DIVA then I'm looking for YOU! Looking for a way to earn some extra cash to pay off credit card debt, school loans, car payments, or to pay for a vacation? Looking for a part-time, flexible career? Tired of the 9-5 grind? Want to be Your Own Boss? Want to set Your Own hours? Want to have more time with Your family/children? Want to have financial freedom? Hate answering to someone else? Ready for a career change? If you answered YES to any of these questions...then call me now! I PARTY FOR A LIVING AND YOU CAN TOO! I get paid the night of the party, I set my own hours, make my own schedule, and I answer to NO ONE, I Am My Own Boss, I Own My Own Business! I earn a monthly bonus check! NO Experience….No Problem! I’ll train you for FREE! For less than $300 you can start your own business right away! Be Y
Join Our Lounge
Click Here to Visit THE 808 VIBE
Joining Forces
Join Me
Hey fubarians, come join me and my friends in Crow's Loft. Great music, great staff and a great Time
Join Me
Come party at Indian Outlaw Saloon. Great country music, great people and great laughs. Tim McGraw Lyrics Tim McGraw Music Codes Music Codes by
Join Nap.........................
Native American Pride Pimpout INDIANROSE*FU-BOMBER*SPIRIT MOTHER*NAP*SHADOWLVLR*WIFE 2 EASTAND PHILLY VIC*@ fubar Lets show this person a little love she deserves this pimpout shes went over an above for Native American Pride!! Congats...on being choosen Member of the Month!! This leveling Pimpout brought to you by: Native American Pride Homepage@ fubar (repost of original by 'Native American Pride Homepage' on '2008-09-15 21:25:35') (repost of original by 'INDIANROSE*FU-BOMBER*SPIRIT MOTHER*NAP*SHADOWLVLR*WIFE 2 EASTAND PHILLY VIC*' on '2008-09-15 21:32:27') (repost of original by 'Native American Pride Homepage' on '2008-09-15 21:57:06')
Join It
We are always looking for new members at the Pack Click on the logo and join the Pack!
Join The Adrenaline Train {updated}
FEEL THE RUSH The Rules: 1. Stop by my page Boopmebaby and rate Adrenaline folder... Start with this pic... 2. Rate, Fan, Add, and Comment each person on the Party List. If you are already friends with someone, check to make sure you have re-rated him/her and leave a comment.. "Feel the Rush" or something like that... 4. Private message me when you have completed rating each party guest. I will make you a thank you tag... And add you to the guest list... 5. When new people join the party... You must rate/fan/add/comment them back... DO NOT just ACCEPT the friend request. 6. Repost the bulletin so it can be seen by as many people as possible. 7. NO DRAMA... You agreed to the rules... So, be sure you follow through... No cheating... Please... Below is the gift tag you will receive... Feel free to save and upload your tag or rip it... But if you rip it, you will NOT receive points when someone rates it on your page. Please leave me a comment so I
Join Us
Joint Pain I
Ok, I've never really blogged. Never really needed to. It seems things are changing now. I have this terrible pain in my right knee and hip. I have been to a chiropractor and an orthopedic doctor. I had an xray on the hip and an MRI on the knee - all they could see is "Mild arthritis" - not even anything unusual for my age. The pain comes after being on my feet for just a couple of minutes. It is intense enough that I find myself leaning on anything I can find. Everything else is seemingly fine. I'm at a point where I can't exercise much because it hurts too much. I'm at a total loss. I need to paint and I can barely stand long enough to clean my studio space so I can paint. Fuck. It seems that everything else in my life is going fairly well. The pain ruins it all.
Join Girlicious Girls
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Join The Happy Train
BE HAPPY Take The Yellow Pill The Rules: 1. Stop by my page & rate Happy Faces folder Start with this pic 2. Rate, Fan, Add & Comment each person on the Party List. If you are already friends with someone, check to make sure you have re-rated him/her and leave a comment. "Take the Yellow Pill or Happy Pill" 3. Private message me when you've completed rating each party guest. I will make you a thank you tag & add you to the guest list... 4. When new people join the party... You must rate/fan/add/comment them back. DO NOT just ACCEPT the friend request. Please REPOST This bulletin so it can be seen by as many people as possible. NO DRAMA You agreed to the rules. So, be sure you follow through. No cheating, Please Below is the gift tag you will receive. Save & upload your tag or r
Join The Revolution!!!!
"> The Rating Revolution is a group of levelers that band together to help other fubar members level up!! WE HAVE CERTAIN CRITERIA WE LOOK FOR BEFORE WE WILL DO A LEVELUP!!! 1. As long as they have 100 pictures we can level up to 20,000 (level19 and under). Rockstar or higher if they have over 500 pictures plus stash items we can level them up to 50k, but of course family members get first priority..If you need leveled please message the homepage!! 2. Must have at least 100 pictures and stash..Also the 100 pictures must be not ripped and NSFW pictures because you get no points for ripped pictures or for NSFW pictures 3. They must be online so they can return rates. When they return rates it will make their total go down faster. 4. The only thing we ask is that the person being leveled rates the profile and fans the people helping them level. If interested in becoming a part of a AWESOME Leveling Family.. Please click the link
Join Ralph Nader's Freedom Writers Today
Dear friend, I just sent a letter to twenty news organizations, demanding that they give more coverage to Ralph Nader’s presidential campaign. Nader is currently polling at six percent nationally, which means that 12 million Americans support his candidacy. And yet the mainstream media barely covers his campaign or his platforms—supported by a majority of Americans—leaving millions more Americans unaware that they have more than two options this year. We are dealing with critical election issues this year. We should be having discussions about withdrawing from Iraq, cracking down on Wall Street crimes, helping millions to get back their homes and pensions, and building a green infrastructure for our future. But the two major party candidates are not talking about these issues, and the mainstream media does not address them sufficiently, either. Americans need to know that they have choices this year, and so we need to put pressure on the mainstream media to cover Ralph Nader’s
Joint Pain Ii
The doctor was puzzled with my condition on Friday. He couldn't see or feel anything wrong. He gave me a shot in my right knee. I'm not sure if it's helping. He is recommending physical therapy for the knee and hip, and an MRI on my back, as a disc problem can cause pain in the knee and hip. I have already scheduled both for this Friday (10-3-08). I am debating whether or not to go through with the MRI, but am planning on it for right now. They are also referring me to another orthopaedic doctor who "does knees and hips". That doctor may want to give me cortizone injections, and if that doesn't help, they may have "scope it and clean it out", which would be an arthroscopic where they fill the knee with fluid, scope it, and remove debris that may or may not be inside (I had the same procedure in 2000 and they found torn meniscus cartilage that time, making for very painful recovery).
Joint Pain Iii
I am still having loads of pain in my right hip and knee. The pain of walking is almost as bad as it was before I had the surgery on my other knee in 2000. I can't exercise worth a crap. The orthopaedic doctor was stumped when I saw him last Friday (9-26-08) - he sees and feels nothing wrong. He referred me to yet another doctor, recommended physical therapy and an MRI on my back. He gave me a shot in the knee and it hasn't made any difference that I can tell. MRI and X-Rays back in July really showed nothing wrong other than normal arthritis for someone my age. I can tell you this is not just arthritis. I am going in for an MRI on my back and physical therapy this Friday. I guess they're thinking something in my back (sciatica, a disc, or lumbar, or something) might be causing it. I've never really had any back problems, so this is weird for me. I'm really getting tired of this pain, it's screwing up the quality of my life.
Join My New Train- Ride The Wind-updated 10/05
HEAD IN THE CLOUDS? U LIKE CRUISING THRU THE AIR? WELL! RIDE THE WIND The Rules: 1. Stop by my page & rate In the Clouds folder Start with this pic 2. Rate, Fan, Add each flight Lieutenant. If you are already friends with someone, make sure you have re-rated him/her and leave a comment. "Riding the Wind" or "Ride like the Wind" 3. Private message me when you've completed rating each flight Lieutenant . I will make you a thank you tag & add you to the flight list... 4. When new people join flight. You must rate/fan/add & comment them back. DO NOT just ACCEPT the friend request. Please REPOST This bulletin so it can be seen by as many people as possible. You agreed to the rules so NO DRAMA & NO CHEATING Below is one of the gift tags you can receive. It wou
Join Me!
Do you remember the 80's? Want to relive those great times? Come and join us in The Playground Tonight October 28th @ 9pm EST Click the Pic to enter
Join In The Fun... Fu-auction
A friend of mine is hosting an Auction... Join in the fun. Go to his page thru the pic link below and PM him your offer and a link to your pic youd like him to use. It will be fun. I'll even come bid on you, just let me know you have entered. Thanks to all who Join ~J-Lynn~
Join Rock After Dark Early Before Official Site Launch Within A Few Days!!!
JOIN THE PRE-LAUNCHED SITE AND BEGIN TO ENJOY THESE FEATURES BELOW NOW!! REVOLUTION NUMBER 9 LUCKY 13 The Rock Network V.13.0 9th Year Anniversary It's been four years since Rock After Dark became the Bay Area's premiere DJ show and nine years since The Planet Network blasted onto the internet with the latest music, entertainment, and current events. Arc Phoenix Corporation presents the web's first music social site and themed to cater both nationwide and locally in the Tampa Bay area with not only the latest news, content, and vibe but also endless features with customizable profile skins, music player with code you can place on any site, video and photo album multiple uploader, copy and paste favorite video codes without upload into your account, dynamic comment options, promote your band or business with events, post your own news, music, and more with dynamic forums, email blasts of the latest news, events, and more; instant access without email valida
Join Us At Snake Charmers
Join Hell's Realm
Join The Family
Are you interested in joining a dynamic Bombing Family? Regiment Dragon Bombers and DD Levelers family is looking for good people to join the group. We are a close knit group with a true family atmosphere. Do you like to bomb? Do you like to enter contests/giveaways and WIN? Do you like to win VIPs, blasts, fubucks, bling packs? REQUIREMENTS: * Level 10 Fubar member * Approved Salute * Sincere desire to bomb family members * 10 day probationary period We could be the family for you. Check out our homepage. If you think we would make a good fit, then send a friend's request. Visit our homepage. ******************************************* Bulletin prepared by: Carrie Please repost! Thank you!
Join Team 2 Now
Please Specify U R joining Team 2 > > > > > > > > > > WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE FU-ANGELS AND LOST BOYZ > > > > > > Definition of the FuAngels and Lost Boyz > > Morality, loyalty, reliabilty, and kindness > > > > Rules for a FuAngel and Lost Boy > > 1. You must be able to help out when called upon if available at least twice a month. > Most things done for the group are usually minor things. Unless it is something to promote the group > > 2. You must have FuAngel in your name if you are female and lost boy in your name if you are male. > Also next to that the Team that you are in. > > 3. You must repost all FuAngel and Lost Boyz bulletins. This is another efficient way to > promote the group, and find more good people out there that are like us if you decide to join. > > 4. Absolutely no drama!!!! The FuAngels have been drama free since day one. One sighn of it > will result in immediate expultion from the group. We have bee
Join The Auto 11 Train--evening Update
THIS IS THE AUTO 11'S TRAIN. IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS AUTO 11'S PRIVATE MESSAGE ME THE PROFILE LINK, THE TIME & DAY THE AUTO 11'S START. I WILL UPDATE DAILY IN THE AM (OR MORE IF NEED BE). I HAVE A FEW ON HERE TO START. I KNOW THERE ARE MORE OUT THERE :) HAVE FUN AND MAKE SOME POINTS! BROUGHT TO YOU BY Carebear ^^T&H destroyers^^@ fubar AUTO 11'S FOR 11/15 Jim ~ Dirty South Crew ~@ fubar ~SouthernOutlawBiker~DSC~OutlawsAndPu$$ycats~Owned By Cynz Dreams. Auto 11 s .On@ fubar ~J A B=ME~ {Chunky Chicken} Owned by ~Cougarbaby~@ fubar ~Blondie~ Proud owner of Sniggy Baby!@ fubar ~Ðü§† M€ Þîñk ~Owned By Dirty Old Man~Club F.A.R ~ The Lollipop Gurlz ~RR~@ fubar DJ Master Sephiroth@ fubar Tempting Enchantress@ fubar Bane*Death* one of the Four Horseman*@ fubar
Join Us !!! @ Euphoric!!!
Euphoric Radio Come on in lets have fun!! It's all about Great Music Friends & Good Times!! Join Us
come join my lounge the link is
Join Scooterbar
Welcome Please join our lounge Click this link and become a member of the famliy
Join The Newest Family On Fubart
Have you ever been so so close to leveling but no matter what you do nobody will help you unless you have auto 11s? Well heres were I come in so I am going to start a family called the twilight levelers! The purpose of this family will be helping fubars level! The RULES: Only serious levelers will be accepted (so if your not gonna f/r/a and rate pics/stash then dont waste my time or ur own time) You must be sure you have plenty of pics and stash uploaded for us to rate! Everything needs to be fair so If I dont ever see you helping level then I will ask you to leave the family! Also all bullys that I post must be reposted by all twilight members online! When becoming a member it doesnt matter the level u are at you just have to have a verified salute! If someone from the family is rating you please return the love and rate them back! ABSOLUTELY NO DRAMA I will do a pimpout every week of one of the levelers and the other levelers will be responsible
Join The Fun
Well everyone does boring no fun shit, in their HappyHour folders So here's my Idea numbers 1-100 ( cuz if you get bouncer you know what number picture you left off on) So pick a number Ask me if its taken yet. Then take a picture of your self with that number and join in on the goofy fun.. Then when you do it tell me so i can add it to folder come on people DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names? His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was conceived, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake. Then there's your brother,
Join Gods Forsaken Radio!!
God's Forsaken Radio God's Forsaken Radio is a non-profit organization playing the Best Heavy Metal Music broadcasting the best radio and music content possible since June 2008 with live DJ's 24/7. Our goal is to always bring you the newest metal news and information, as well as finding some of the best unsigned bands that have not yet been discovered. So come and join us @ and get ready to rock out to the best skull bashing metal ever!!!
Join Us
Join Us!
Here at God's Forsaken Radio we love knowing our listners enjoy what they hear! We always take requests and make every effort to have the music they enjoy most at hand at any given moment. Feedback is always encouraged, we strive for listener satisfaction. Some have said we rock their minds, always, even their children enjoy rocking out to the music we play. It is a joy to see that our listners rage from all ages, and they all love rocking out to heavy metal!!!
Join The Gods Forsaken Radio Lounge!
Here at God's Forsaken Radio we love knowing our listners enjoy what they hear! We always take requests and make every effort to have the music they enjoy most at hand at any given moment. Feedback is always encouraged, we strive for listener satisfaction. Some have said we rock their minds, always, even their children enjoy rocking out to the music we play. It is a joy to see that our listners rage from all ages, and they all love rocking out to heavy metal!!!
Join The Family At Gods Forsaken Radio Lounge!
Our Goal: ========= One of our goals at God's Forsaken Radio is to bring metal bands to our listners. As we now feature Wretch and Brutal Mastacation and plan to feature more heavy metal bands. If you are a heavy metal band or know of any heavy metal bands and would like to be featured on our station please contact us @
Join The Gods Forsaken Radio Lounge!
The fastest growing metal station on the net: God's Forsaken Radio is one of the fastest growing metal stations on the net. We stream on multiple websites, and are continuing to grow. There are 13 top knotch dj's to fulfill every metal need that play all genres of metal. We have 19 promoters for the station which promote not only on the net but also in their home town looking for local unsigned metal bands that deserve airplay. Our staff takes pride in their work and are committed in helping the station grow. So what are you waiting for come and listen to the best metal station on the net!!!
Join My Favorite Adult Site
Join my favorite amateur pic website, free check it out!
Join Me For A Free Webinar On December 13
Free Live Seminar: Weathering The Coming Financial Storm Join us for a Webinar on December 9 Title: Weathering The Coming Financial Storm Date: Saturday, December 13, 2008 Time: 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM PST After registering you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the Webinar. Space is limited. Reserve your Webinar seat now at: How do I navigate through the coming financial crunch? Is there a way to secure my financial future amidst all this global economic turmoil? This Web Meeting will expose you to an idea that will allow you to not just "survive" the financial tsunami that is already taking it's toll on SO MANY around us, but actually USES the financial turmoil to help you (and those you love) rise above these troubling economic times! Take notes and then contact me with comments, questions, etc. before taking action. Thanks! Gene EXPECT SUCCESS!
Joint Pain Iii
I have some pretty wild nerve sensations all down my right leg, plus my right knee and hip have been hurting like hell. I had an epidural steroid shot on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008. It's to treat "Grade I-II Spondylolisthesis". Basically the vertibra at the very bottom of my spine has shifted forward, causing pain and inflammation in my back as well as my legs. I'm not sure if the shot has helped much yet. It can take a few days to kick in, I'm told. Please cross your fingers everyone! Paul needs back on his feet badly.
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jokers knight club plz
Join Club United!! Cindie's Awesome Bully For Us
NEW CLUB UNITED TAKING MEMBERSHIPS!!! Tis the Season to be Jolly. What a better place to be than with Club United. We have open Membership right now. We have alot of new faces and Staff. Stop by the Homepage and Join us! Club United ! See Blog To Join!!!@ fubar Or make it your New Years Resolution to make yourself happy with a great Family of Fubarians. We are not a Bombing Crew, we just have fun and party we always have something going on!! Contests, Members of the Week etc.. We do level our own within Guidelines. No Drama will be tolerated! When you do stop by read the homepage and if see what you like message any Staff Member and they will put you thru the Process. One of our Owners is recruting her name is: IslandGirl most everyone knows that name. =] Her link is ISLåИDGIЯL☠ §nIpEr's Fu-Wifey ☠Owner Club United☠Zodiak Bombers@ fubar To All that read this May you have a Joyous Holiday Season! From al
Join Club United Today
NEW CLUB UNITED TAKING MEMBERSHIPS!!! Tis the Season to be Jolly. What a better place to be than with Club United. We have open Membership right now. We have alot of new faces and Staff. Stop by the Homepage and Join us! Club United ! See Blog To Join!!!@ fubar Or make it your New Years Resolution to make yourself happy with a great Family of Fubarians. We are not a Bombing Crew, we just have fun and party we always have something going on!! Contests, Members of the Week etc.. We do level our own within Guidelines. No Drama will be tolerated! When you do stop by read the homepage and if see what you like message any Staff Member and they will put you thru the Process. One of our Owners is recruting her name is: IslandGirl most everyone knows that name. =] Her link is ISLåИDGIЯL☠ §nIpEr's Fu-Wifey ☠Owner Club United☠Zodiak Bombers@ fubar To All that read this May you have a Joyous Holiday Season! From al
Join Us!!!!!!!!!
We are currently looking to add New Members To The Family! If You Are Seriously Interested, Stop by at the following Members, Let Them Know You Want To Join Git~R~Done!! I Want To Emphasize That All New Members Of The Family, Will Be Placed On A 30 Days Probational Period!! So Serious Minded Individuals Are Always Needed In The Git-R-Done Rebel Bombsquad!! Click The Pics To These Following Members And Let Them Know You Are Interested In Joining The Family! Git~R~Done Homepage DJ Aimee President Git~R~Done Rebel Bombsquad The Watcher Vice President Git~R~Done Rebel Bombsquad Big Daddy Bombsquad Leader Git~R~Done Rebel Bombsquad GOTHIC ROSE RECRUITER Snugglebunny Assistant Recruiter Git~R~Done Rebel Bombsquad If You Are Seriously Interested In Joining The Git~R~Done Rebel Bombsquad, Please Rate - Fan & Add DjAimee & The Watcher First And Foremost! Also Do The Same For The Founder & Co-Founder Of The Family!! Hitman6 Founder
Join The Starry Night Auction!!
Puffz and Silentlizard are having an auction. Rules: Starts Sunday Jan 4th and ends Saturday Jan 10th No entry Fee!!! No Drama!! Auctionee has the right to refuse any bid SFW pics only please Can enter until Wed, Jan 7,2009 Fubucks and cash bids allowed Send link to pic you would like to use and what you are offering to Silentlizard This auction brought to you by: Puffz and Silentlizard
Join Our Lounge For Fallen On 9-11
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COME N JOIN THE NEWEST LOUNGE ON FUBAR SYNFUL DEZYRZ CLICK ON BANNER TO JOIN US!! EVERY 50TH PERSON TO JOIN GET A BLING SO COME CHECK US OUT!! WE HAVE MUSIC.CAMS AND THE HOTTEST LOUNGE AROUND!! BlondieOne Way Or Another Music Video Codes By Music (repost of original by '*AngelDawnKris*Owned By Dj Screwby N Crazed Maniac' on '2009-01-03 18:48:25') (repost of
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Join Me! You know you want to ... xoxoxo
Dear Members, Please send anyone interested in joining to me being that Robin is ill she can't handle to much of the load with e-mail so kindly send them my way if there asking questions to join. Thanks, Dave Miracle Monkey Chief Native American Pride
Join The Freaky Train!
Click on the link below and follow the instructions really easy!
A Joint Work By Sweethotmomma1968 & Bloodsin09
I watch in the pale moonlight as she slowly removes her clothes Her skin so pale and white softer than the petals of a rose She stands and let's me admire as the cool breeze blows through her golden hair To not pull her close would just seem so unfair I stare into her eyes, so innocent and blue Holding her within my arms feeling her love so true she gently caresses me and smiles the love in her eyes makes it all worth while so sweet and gentle her touch there is no doubt why I love her so much I know now that she is only a dream I know this and I want to scream I lay awake my body in shiver Waiting for the pain to be delivered Holding the blade in trembling hand prepared to make it but Just then the phone rang I never had the nerve to make the final cut
Join To The House Of Vampires
Come to the most fun lounge join us! ~‡DJ Spike ‡ ~HEAD ENFORCER @ MOONLIGHT REVENGE~fu bf to lone wolf aka drusilla@ fubar Come and join us!!!! COME AND JOIN THE FUN AT THE HOUSE OF VAMPIRES LOUNGE GREAT TUNES AND GREAT PEOPLE Join me ~‡DJ Spike ‡ ~HEAD ENFORCER @ MOONLIGHT REVENGE~fu bf to lone wolf aka drusilla@ fubar Come and have fun meet new Peoples come and join me and have fun live music all the time!!!!
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Join These Groups I Belong To ! :
This blog is about all the group s Im in If you want help in leveling you should join these groups they go all out and help you but Please if they help you level please show back love because the next time you want help they wont.. This is a nice group I just joined this group so far so good :) Llama Levelers Home Page@ fubar This group is good too :) Rating Revolution { Member Page Only}{No Friends Request taken unless you are a joining Member!}@ fubar This group is Leveling and bombing the best bombing group I belong to :) The Spankers Club@ fubar
Join The Pegasus Project Promotion Team
Join The Pegasus Project'sNew Promotion TeamAttn: The Pegasus Project Members, If you have Bully/html experience and would like to help us to promote those special times in the lives of our sisters.Please private msg Dove Goddess and lether know that you are interested.r />Dove GoddessThe Pegasus Project Co FounderHead Of Promotions Team(click on pic to send Dove a msg)You will need to be able to create (or learn)background bullies which include custom picturelinks of our members, and be willing to submitan example of your work. Dove has templates available for you to use, if needed. We are also looking for members who can create custom graphics and tags for the family. Any member who would like support from The Pegasus Project should visit the "Please Let Us Know" blog located at and post a comment letting us know of your current need.If you are not yet a member,or would like to be friends with the ladiesof The Pegasus Project, please visitThe Peg
Join The Revolution!
The Internet is changing everything – how we communicate, get our news, play, and shop. And thanks to companies like SFI, how you make money – and where you make it – will never be the same again either. Launched in 1998, the SFI Marketing Group has become the world's largest Internet affiliate program. SFI has shown millions of men and women from over 190 countries worldwide how to cash in on the Internet. SFI can help you: • Get out of debt • Retire early with secure, ongoing income • Pay for a son or daughter's college education • Improve your lifestyle • Buy a new car or new home • And MUCH MORE SFI WILL TEACH YOU How to build a profitable business completely on the Internet from the comfort of your own home office. How to use SFI's powerful, proven, copyrighted system to create an income stream that can gradually replace your current job or career. How to earn income globally, 24 hours a day – both "front-end" cash AND ongoing, "back-end" residual Incom
Join The Revolution!
The Internet is changing everything – how we communicate, get our news, play, and shop. And thanks to companies like SFI, how you make money – and where you make it – will never be the same again either. Launched in 1998, the SFI Marketing Group has become the world's largest Internet affiliate program. SFI has shown millions of men and women from over 190 countries worldwide how to cash in on the Internet. SFI can help you: • Get out of debt • Retire early with secure, ongoing income • Pay for a son or daughter's college education • Improve your lifestyle • Buy a new car or new home • And MUCH MORE SFI WILL TEACH YOU How to build a profitable business completely on the Internet from the comfort of your own home office. How to use SFI's powerful, proven, copyrighted system to create an income stream that can gradually replace your current job or career. How to earn income globally, 24 hours a day – both "front-end" cash AND ongoing, "back-end" residual Incom
1942 Joint Strike
So, it's not exactly NEW. It's about a 6 months old now, but I thought it deserved a mention. Remember the old arcade game by Midway, 1942? It was one of my favorite games. There's just something I love about having to dodge an impossible number of bullets, getting powerups, and decimating the enemy. Not to mention, the boss fights were great! It wasn't just shoot him until he dies. You had to take out their guns, and back up guns. And dodge an impossible number of bullets. Well, about 6 months ago 1942: Joint Strike was released for XBLA (I assume PS3 as well). It was the old game again with updated graphics. And this time, you can play with a friend. If you both activated your special ability at the same time, you got a cool new joint ability. This new game is great! It has all of the fun of the old game, with the graphics of today. There are a few more games getting this updated treatment, and I hope to see many more. Contra anyone?
hey every body im new here at furbar so if you would just join me and my family that would be very sweet and kind of you so please come and join!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Join My Mailing List In March And Win.....
March Contest!! Contest Rules: All who go to my website Intimacy and You and sign up for my mailing list will be entered. At the end of March I will randomly pick 3 for the following prizes. First pick get's a $50 shopping spree on my website. Second and Third pick get a $25 shopping spree on my website. I promise to never share your information and I will only send a few mailings a month about specials etc. Good Luck and stop by my site! xoxo, Missy
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Join My Mafia Please
  There is Only One Way Off These Streetsjoin up with me in Mafia WarsCome Rule the World with meClick here to join my Mafia now.  
Join My Pirate Crew
  Arr me mateyjoin up with me piratesget yer own ship too in Pirates:Come Rule the Caribbeanwith Me!Click here to join me Pirate Crew now.  
Join ~bratt~ & Chaotic In The Purple Magik On Fri!!
    >   Come join us in Purple Magik!!!!! May 8, 2009 @ 7pm Fu-time!!!!!! Make some new friends, listen to good music and just have some fun with us!! Random Bling for new members that join that night! Random giveaways! We also have Live Auctions every weekend!! sign up to be in the Live Auction:)) click to enter lounge! If you would like to be in any of our live auctions, please read rules then click pic to sign up @ blog. Any any Purple Magik staff member. Thank you. PIMPOUT BROUGHT TO YOU BY: Please DO NOT STEAL my bulliten layouts! Thank you. sO FrESH _[diAMond dAveS gUrL *DiAMondDaVes LUCKYCharm* SHADOW LEVELER@ fubar
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join us a fubar   help us rais our gole and pack the house
Join Uk-hideout :)
hey join uk-hideout u dont know what ya missin ;) if any  wants to join ans sum  to talk to my chat nae is kitty_kat feel free to find me :) x
hey all I'm new to this joint Whats happening?
Join Us For Good Music
come to club velocity for music and relax for a whole
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  Click The Picture Below To Enter Now A Proud Member Of Devilish-Angel Radio All Staff Positions Are Opened And Need Filled If Interested As How To Be A Staff Member Please Ask One Of The 3 Fubarians Below Devilish-DD Ceo/Founder Creeper Of The Night Co-Owner Miami-Diva General Manager center>
Join Me To Have Fun N Get Closer
hi guy s i m jaime from montreal a model of 31 y/o i really love to be in good company of men and women so this place here perfect for me I’m an experienced woman likei i told u  im a model ! this is my fulltime work . I’ve been part of this wonderful place for 10 years (this April officially marks my 10 year anniversary!) I really love the time I spend on my webcam  and I couldn’t even think of the day I’d stop being a model. I love to be seen and meet new people from all over the world – isn’t that cool? so this is the perfect place for me!i hope to see u in my free chat soon xoox jaime click here for my free chat
Join The Best Juggalo Lounge On Fubar
This lounge is the best juggalo lounge in all of fu-land so join today and be part of the juggalo revolution
Join Gooberlicious Pub
Hey all out there in fu-land come show my friend Goob ur love and support and join his lounge and tell him Damien Darkchild sent ya.
Join Fubars Two Hottest New Lounges
Hey all come experience the two hottest new lounges in Fu-land, Juggalos Paradise and Hells Demonic Playground. Come be a part of the revolution and stay for the rockin tunes and even better people.
Joining Fubar
I love being part of this awesome group of people :)...
Joint To My Now
u like sex this
*join The Movement* Ma Sues U.s. Over Marriage Law
Massachusetts sued the U.S. government Wednesday over the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman.  Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley said the law interferes with the right of Massachusetts to define and regulate marriage as it sees fit.  The 1996 law denies federal recognition of same-sex marriage and gives states the right to refuse to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. Massachusetts was the first state to legalize same-sex marriage.The lawsuit, filed in federal court in Boston, argues the act "constitutes and overreaching and discriminatory federal law." Before the law was passed, Coakley said, the federal government recognized that defining marital status was the "exclusive prerogative of the states." the U.S. law's definition of marriage denies same-sex couples access to benefits given to heterosexual married couples including federal income tax credits, retirement benefits, health insurance cove
Join Now Go to the link above and see if we can brighten your life up, WHAT YOU WAITING FOR tell me John Paul Sent you   Be there are be square
Joint Supplements
How to Get Back With Ex Joint Supplements
Join Snake Eyes Radio!
Join The Futrain! {update #6}
"People All Over the 'fu'World...Join Hands...Start A Love Train..."fuTrainThis one is just for fun! Please, keep this nice and clean, drama free for everyone!Here are the rules...Add, Rate, Fan and Comment everyone on the train. If you're already friends and fans, then please leave them a fuFriendly comment...Joining the fuTrainKnow someone that might be interested? Then Rate them, comment or send them a PM...Join me on the fuTrain Just keep it simple and keep it going...Comment my blog if you agree to the terms or if you want to ride along the fuWorld. Meet some new friends, or say hello to some old ones! And Please repost the latest bulletin if and when you can!You'll also get a train tag, which can be picked up in this folder. Please rate the pic before you save or rip it! Thanks!!!!The Hostess... 1. JadedBeauty
Join Me On Myspace
UwshnCO wants you to join their Mafia Family. Mafia Wars is a new strategy game played on MySpace. Rise through the ranks from a petty thug to become a Mafia Don.Join UwshnCO's Mafia
Join And Have Fun Talkin To Friends And Makin New Ones
Join The Celebs And Work It With Halterneck Dresses!
The halterneck dress is a classic style that can be updated in design to keep up with trends while still maintaining the overall halterneck look. It's safe to say Marilyn Monroe's figure flattering white halterneck dress in The Seven Year Itch displays how glamorous this style can be. Each year at celebrity bashes there are always ladies dawning this flattering dress. Many were snapped wearing variations of the halterneck on the sparkly purple carpet at the British Soap Awards. Some wore short mini styles whilst other opted for long maxi designs. Gwyneth Paltrow was pictured wearing a striking black halter neck dress with a cut out design at the recent Iron Man Premiere in New York. As well as glam events like those above the halter neck dress can also be a great casual summer dress. It's an excellent light travel companion that doesn't take up much room. It can be worn as day wear and to cover up your swimwear as well as dressing it up for a romantic evening in the sun. It's a perf
Join Us In Erotic Fanatsy!!!!
Join The A2mÇ-toe Mafia
Welcome all to the A2MC-Toe Society!     I would like to extend this invitation to everyone who would like to be a part of this new, exciting Fubar group!   Of course with any group, we are going to need a list of rules and requirements for all who wish to join.   1. To be voted into the group, you must submit a boobie, c-toe, cock salute or a2m video to a current member.. but only after asking if they want one.   2. Must buy a member at least 2 drinks and one "spicy" gift   3. Must profile rate each member daily   4. Must rate at least 1000 member pics daily   5. You must shit talk each other on the quarter hour.   6. Must write one MuMM a day professing your love for A2M or C-      Toe   7. Must be blocked from no less than 5 MuMM posters   8. Must show proof of calling someone a cunt in your shoutbox.   9. Must capture scrolling A2MC-Toe mafia members   10. You must show the founders daily "fulove" and then  immediately go masturbate.          AND OF COUR
Join Me dont 4-get to say that u were invited by me
[join My Religion]
You read that and thought I was an asshole didn't you? Well geehow do you think I feel? I'm keeping this short, because I want you to know only a few keypoints and its bedtime 1. I do not wish to subscribe to "Jesus Magic" weekly.2. Been there done that. Jesus is just alright with me.3. Don't talk about religion, abortion, the death penalty, or political parties at work.4. Don't talk about fight club. I'm openly noncommitted nonorganized religion philosopher/buddhist with heavy deist leanings. I am not agnostic. I am not atheist.I am not a godless heathen.A hereticmaybe. I've explained this before.To anyone that asks. When you ask me to go to bible study, when you know my belief system, with hope and wonder in your eyes and smilelike you honestly think you're going tosave meconvert meconvince meshow me something I haven't already been bored with expect me to laugh. In fact when this exact situation came up today.I did just that.Honestly, who doesn't know not to talk about rel
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Join The Think Pink Mafia Today!
Banded together in the fight against breast cancer...if you play FuMafia and are looking to be a part of a turf, feel free to check us out...if you are in a mafia looking to change to another one...feel free to do so as well...thank you all very much. The link for it is:
Join The A2mc-toe Society
Welcome all to the A2MC-Toe Society! I would like to extend this invitation to everyone who would like to be a part of this new, exciting Fubar group! Of course with any group, we are going to need a list of rules and requirements for all who wish to join. 1. To be voted into the group, you must submit a boobie, c-toe, cock salute or a2m video to a current member.. but only after asking if they want one. 2. Must buy a Founder at least 2 drinks and one "spicy" gift 3. Must profile rate each member daily 4. Must rate at least 100 member pics daily 5. You must shit talk each other on the quarter hour. 6. Must write one MuMM a day professing your love for A2M or C-      Toe 7. Must be blocked from no less than 5 MuMM posters 8. Must show proof of calling someone a cunt in your shoutbox. 9. Must capture scrolling A2MC-Toe mafia members 10. You must show the founders daily "fulove" and then  immediately go masturbate.      AND OF COURSE YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO PUT A2MC-TOE MAF
Join Now Sign Up
What's the BAR: Absolutely FREE. The Bar is a unique toolbar that lets you make money wherever, whenever you choose. The difference between the bar and other toolbars....MONEY. The bar is a private communication channel between members and advitisers through the Ads by ER Echange. Members remain completely anonymous and their person ID is never shared. The process is simple. Visit a webpage, click ER icon to display adds, interact w/ ads that interest you and make money. That's it. The bar provides advertising on demand. The world's most exact advertising is the most cost effective for advertising for advitisers and the most beneficial for internet users.
Join Us! Title Is Designed To Get You To Read It...did It Work???
If  the red shirt thing is new to you, read below how it went for a man....Last  week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I  noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a  folded flag, but did not put two and two  together.. After we boarded our flight, I  turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to  sit in First Class (across from me), and  inquired if he was heading home.No, he  responded.Heading out I asked? No.  I'm escorting a soldier home.Going to  pick him up?No. He is with me right now.  He was killed in Iraq , I'm taking him home to  his family. The realization of what he  had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the  gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that,  although he didn't know the soldier, he had  delivered the news of his passing to the  soldier's family and felt as if he knew them  after many conversations in so few days.  I turned back to him, extended my hand,  and said, Thank you Thank you for doing what  you do so my family and I can do what we do.  Up
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Join My Turf
If you want to join the most loyal and helpful turf on fubar come and join us. We welcome all low ranks to high rnaks if you need a good home click the link and you have found it.
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Join My Fu-mafia
Hiring for my FuMafia, I'm going to need everyone's help so if you want to do battle then let the game begin. Positions Open Are: UNDERBOSS'S LIEUTENANTS, SOLDIERS, Whatever it takes to be one of the best Mafia's Fu has to offer-Lets do this, here's the link.  
Join My Mob Http://
please join my mob, need all the help i can get. just go to the link in the subject.  
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Come Join My Turf Rainbow Of Destiny
Join Me In Seductive Gates
Joining A Cause Doesn't Mean Turning Off Your Brain
For those who don't know, I work in Washington, DC. Today, I was walking down the street on my way to get some lunch, when I passed a whole bunch of people waving signs, wearing sandwich boards, and all the usual trappings of any one of the half-dozen or so demonstrations we get in any given week. Turns out it was an anti-abortion demonstration. That's not that unusual, so I just pressed my lips together and walked on. I went to Chipotle and got a burrito (yum). But on the way back, I saw a woman holding one sign in particular that really upset me. It said "Stop ALL abortions now." Even though I am one of the world's least-confrontational people, I very nearly went up and demanded to know what gave her the gall to declare that there is never, ever a situation where abortion is the best option. Was she really so narrow-minded that she couldn't stretch her imagination just a wee bit to think of some different situations? Sure, we all hear about rape and incest being the justified case
Join Me!!!
woke up late but please Join me for my Serene Sunday morning radio show at 7am eastern!!! ((4am SLT) Get connected & happy listening! Of course Stay Nekkid!
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join my turf need mercanarie
Come join my mob so we can build an awsome empire
Join My Fumob Lets Make Mad Cash
Join Me For Serene Sunday!
Join me for my Serene Sunday morning radio show at 8am eastern!!!  Get connected & happy listening! Of course Stay Nekkid!
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Join My Site, Ladies Only
my all women site i created come check it out its free 380 members and 6200 members photos 18-61 year olds, videos, chat, games, blogs add any kind of photo and wont be deleted if you cant join using internet explorer download goggle chrome or fire fox, it works much better with the site
Joining The Sheep - Mothers Day
You know the saying, if you can't say anything nice ..........
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Join The Days Of Summer Auction!
Be part of the Days of Summer Auction! * Just 5,000 fuBucks to enter * Send me a link to the photo you would like to use in the auction, and a list of what you will be offering Contest will being on Friday, June 25. Let the fun begin!
Join Me For A 4th Of July Serene Sunday On Nekkid Radio!
Join me for my Serene Sunday show show at 8am est.  Get connected & happy listening and stay Nekkid! you know you could connect from our website?  Go to and listen to us any time you'd like!!!!
Join My Mob!!! ?please? ;-p
Join The Family!!!
These last few weeks i have gotten all sorts of invites to join different families.  Join and we ill have your back.  Join and we will be there for you.  Join and never be alone. I keep telling them the same thing - i already have a family.  And you know what? I didn't have to join.  I didn't have to put it in my name and my profile that i belong.  I didn't have to give them so many rates and likes a day for them to "be there for me".  All i had to do was be myself and they love that about me.  All i had to do was need a friend and they were there for me to offer a help with out being rated first. I love my friends and family because they are wonderful and amazing.  No matter what life brings them they take the time to care for me.  And i care for them in return.  I am so lucky to have them in my life and i am thankful every day. So take your joins and rates and likes and stick them up your ass - thanks :p
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Join Up With Aka Big Joe Rum Runner
Always Accepting New Members For the Mob. Request and join up Now!!!!!  
Join And Take The Pledge   Join and take the pledge to reach 1 million people.
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Join Me Click The Blue Box And Cum Join Me On Plz
click the blue box and cum join me on plz
jointure \JOIN-cher\noun;    1.  Property given to a woman upon marriage, to be owned by her after her husband's death.
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Join Social Network, Business Network At Common Platform-
Everyone believes in connecting & interacting and is aware of the caliber of social media in today’s life. It is a place where we can connect to known as well as totally unknown persons in a few seconds. And getting to know all the different aspects of their life makes connections trustworthy. Now a day everyone has social networking accounts on more than one site and business networking accounts are dealt on other different sites. But people are aware that our business connections can always add value & boost our social connections. Similarly our meaningful social connections also improve and raise our professional network building. The possible influencing effects of our professional & social connections on each other are undeniable. If professionally you are a film director, there are hundred percent chances that you would attract models and actors on your social front too which strengthen the chances of reaping benefits for both the sides but for this to happen a common platf
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Join This Bikini Site - Be Seen    Q:  Do  you have the desire and body to be a Bikini Model? A:  All it takes is a  Myspace profile, and, account - all FREE, a nice Bikini default photo like shown  BELOW. Amateurs (girl next door types) and Pros are invited – SEXY, BIKINI MODELS your friends/ competition . They want,  and, LOVE, shapely, beautiful, sexy, CURVY (sorry, no waifs/plus sizes)  Bikini Models. Nothing to be shy/ ashamed of - get friends, contacts,  assignments, votes - one model lagged in votes, posted on the  bulletin,repeatedly for help from co - models and viewers - WALKED AWAY  WITH $10,000.00 - what could YOU do with that? Some have appeared on  “TYRA
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Join Me In Cowboy Country Live
    COWBOY COUNTRY LIVE come on in yall
Join Our Street Team!
Hey You! Why don't you join our STREET TEAM?  Being a FADED SAiNTS STREET TEAM member--aka "SAiNT--will entitle you to lots of wonderful privileges, ranging from free/discounted music & merchandise, access to behind the scenes stuff that NOBODY else will have, entries into VIP-only contests, special awards, fun prizes, and most importantly--special treatment from the band themselves (think backstage pass!).   Seriously, we believe that you reap what you sow... that is, the more you participate in the STREET TEAM activities, the more recognition and rewards you will earn. It's that simple.   In a nutshell, we will be asking you to do what every true music lover probably does anyway... help spread the word about a great band to the people around you, in various & creative ways. It's kind of that simple.   Are you interested?  Then what are you waiting for?  Go here to sign up:
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Joint Pain And Arthritis
Joint Pain And Arthritis A recent article from Dallas News provides one solid example of how adult stem cells are making progress in medical communities, as many healthcare professionals are applying these resources to improve upon painful and aggravating arthritis conditions. The article explains, “Stems cells taken from just a few grams of body fat are a promising weapon against the crippling effects of osteoarthritis. For two decades, knee, hip or other joint replacements have been the standard treatment for the deterioration of joint cartilage and the underlying bone, but artificial joints last about 15 years and are difficult to repair once they fail.”
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Jo Is Probably An Angel
I hve been visiting Jo's place. I'm a keen fan. Jo@ CherryTAP
Jojo Pic
Jo Jo's Kids
Jo Jo's kids are in a contest and are way behind because she forgot about the contest until this morning.. Help her catch up leave all the comments you can on this pic!!plz repost!!
She has been cusing up a storm lately and I really dont know what to do. I have stopped cusing around the kids. She is 3 years old. She doesnt have her father in her life because he dont want her or her younger brother. It bothers me a lot. I dont know what to do about this. I hate being the only that does everything, because I know that one day he will want them in his life again and I will be pushed out of the picture. This is a battle that I am trying to win in my life. He never calls on them unless it is to bitch me out for omething that he has heard about that aint true. He is the major reason why I have a lot of stress in my life. If he would just grow the fuck up and be a father to these kids and treat me with the repect that I know that is needed. This is the man that has hit me when we were married and that cheated on me every single day that he could. He tried to turn JoJo against me and that blew up in his face. But I know that whe the day comes that he actually
Jojo And Dean Bernal
Saving JoJo Thanks to his human buddy and a Canadian woman, a battered wild dolphin is becoming the poster child in a campaign to save sea mammals around the world Don Butler, The Ottawa Citizen PROVIDENCIALES, Turks and Caicos Islands - When he sleeps, which is far less than most mortals, Dean Bernal has a recurring dream. He is in the deep blue waters of the open Atlantic, surrounded by dolphins, sometimes as many as 100 of them. Together they sluice through an ancient underwater city, spinning and twisting in an exuberant celebration of movement and freedom. Dean can keep up because, in his dreams, he too is a dolphin. So convincing is the fantasy that he often holds his breath for three minutes or more as he dreams, just as he does during his free dives in the ocean. It's not hard to imagine Dean Bernal as a dolphin. His broad forehead, almond-shaped eyes and swept-back blond hair give his face the sleek angularity of a cetacean. His muscular legs and broad shoulders hint
Jo Jo The Monkey (peom)
jojo was a monkey who sat in his tree not carin about the world not even when he went pee til one day a man came with a fool tales and a junky for the man was a dictator and the world wanted new fame and little ol jojo sit up high ready to leap for the sky was knocked down my the man and never seen again for thats the tale of how jojo was no-more
Jojo-too Little Too Late
Jojo-leave (get Out)
~ Jojo ~
SBG Ecuadorian Goddess is a little over 1 million points to Godmomma! Please help this bad girl her reach that goal! * Ecuadorian Goddess * Stop by and rate Ecuadorian Goddess' pictures and see what an awesome gal she is! Ecuadorian Goddess has ONLY 425 pictures! You can rate all her pictures in under ONE happy hour! Check out Ecuadorian Goddess and give her some fu-lovin! All love will be returned! This pimpout brought to you by: ღTulsa's Angelღ
Jojo Has Auto 11s; Level By Her Birthday!
JoJo ~ Ecuadorian Goddess ~ is running Auto 11s! Ecuadorian Goddess JoJo is now approximately 500,000 to Godmother! Ecuadorian Goddess* Help JoJo level by her birthday, March 25th!!! Sarge's Bad Girls
Jojo Has Auto 11s; Level Her By Her Birthday!
JoJo ~ Ecuadorian Goddess ~ is running Auto 11s! Ecuadorian Goddess JoJo is now approximately 500,000 to Godmother! Ecuadorian Goddess* Help JoJo level by her birthday, March 25th!!! Check Us All Out: Sarge's Bad Girls
Hes Crazy, Hes Nutty, and just a Lil Funny Hes Dj Jokaz Rawkin out in Ace Cafe!
VIAGRA ADVERTISING SLOGANs The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable. About seven minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top Ten List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone. The top ten were: 10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper. 8. Viagra, Like a rock! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Vi
Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**." Girl: "But f
Joke Of The Day
Stick of Dynamite A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
A Joke Love & Sex
I have no idea on what o make my blog so my first is going to be a joke I hope you enjoy it Love & Sex A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words "sex" and "love". The woman wrote, "When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex." And Bob wrote, "I love sex."
Q1: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR? A: It's Braille for "suck here". Q2. WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS? A: It's the same as a Fren ch kiss, only "down under." Q3. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear. Q4. WHY ARE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them. Q5. WHY DO WOMEN RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING? A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
It was a hot day in Wisconsin Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. "Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main street. She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy Nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar.The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer." Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked. Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"
Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs. "I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you." "Yes, but are you good in bed?" "How do you think I rang the doorbell?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The dirty fork A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over
Joke 1
A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!" Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin - no
He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said .. . You wear pants don't you? He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa. He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror! On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows me everywhere" Written just below it . " I do not" Q.How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A.Both of them. Q.How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A.He buys two cases of beer. Q.What is the difference between men and government bonds? A.The bonds mature. Q..Why are blonde jokes so short? A.So men can remember them. QHow many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A.We don't know; it has never happened. Q.What do you c
Joke Of The Day......
Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Powell and Rumsfeld?” The barkeep says, “Yep, that’s them.” So, the guy walks over to the two and says, “Hello, what are you guys doing?” Rumsfeld says, “We’re planning World War III,” to which the guy replies, “Really? What’s going to happen?” Rumsfeld says, “Well, we’re going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman.” And the guy exclaims, “Why are you going to kill a bicycle repairman!?!” With that, Rumsfeld turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Afghans!”
If you have any joke please post them here. Any jokes of any kind accepted.
PESCRIPTION MISTAKE A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there. "Name's Enoch... Your neighbour from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come." "Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." "Damn", Sam thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along
The Joker
Music Video:THE JOKER (by Fatboy Slim)Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone
Joke Of The Day .... Doing The Dishes .....
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he
Joke Of The Day
A twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If i
Joke Of The Day
Police Comment Transcriptions The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country... #15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." #14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." #13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." #12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that¹s the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun." #11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" #10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" #9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." #8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Is Mick
Joke Of The Day 10/2/06
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender. 1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, yet you can see right through them. 2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated. 4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. 5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. 6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. 9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
What did the egg say to the boiling water? Any guesses??? Jeannie
Joke... Visiting Gynecologist!! Please Read!
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange..." "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see." "That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl." "That night," she went on, "I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters ! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!" The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Joke, Relly Bad Urls!!
The Top 10 Worst Company URLs The following business websites clearly did not give their domain names enough consideration... or did they? 1. A site called "Who Represents" where you can find the name of the agent that represents a Performer. Their domain name is... wait for it... 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views is at 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at 5. Need a generator? There's the Italian Power Generator company at 6. Looking for a hard to find flower or shrubbery? We have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales at 7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always
Joke Of The Day 10/3/06
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding. The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story ? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy." Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Shit, I could throw three PEOPLE out of the window and make 300 million people very happy." __________________
Jokes (r Rated)
A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick and says, "Daddy, what's that?" Not wanting to explain to her yet, he says, "Uh, I can't tell you, it's a secret." The little girl finds her mother and asks, "What is that long thing between Daddy's legs?" Her mother also doesn't want to explain sex yet, so she says, "I don't know, he won't tell me." A couple days later the little girl says to her mother. "Mommy, I finally figured out what that thing between Daddy's legs is. It's a toothbrush!" "Why do you think that?" the amused mother asks "Because," the little girl says, "this morning I saw the maid sliding it in and out of her mouth and she had toothpaste dripping down her chin." ================================ Feeling horrible, an alligator goes to the veterinarian. "What seems to be the problem?" the vet asks. "I just don't have the drive I used to, Doc, " the gator says. "Used to be, I co
Joke Of The Day 10/4/06
The husband had just finished reading a new book, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE" He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director would be my guess."
Joke: Girls Night Out!!
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well nev
Joke Of The Day 10/5/06
13 Things PMS Stands For: 1. Pass My Shotgun 2. Psychotic Mood Shift 3. Perpetual Munching Spree 4 Puffy Mid-Section 5. People Make me Sick 6. Provide Me with Sweets 7. Pardon My Sobbing 8. Pimples May Surface 9. Pass My Sweat pants 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome 11. Plainly; Men Suck 12. Pack My Stuff and my favorite one. 13. Potential Murder Suspect
Little Johnny strikes again Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says, "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.
Joke Of The Day 10/7/06
Two couples are on a double date when they start talking about partner swapping. They decide it would be cool to try it out. The two couples then go to a local motel. They rent two rooms for the night, and the newly shuffled couples go to their respective rooms. One couple, in their room, go wild with each other. They make love for hours. When finished, one of the two rolls over on her side, props herself on one elbow, lights up a cigarette, looks at her partner, and says: "I wonder how the guys are doing?"
A Joke Telling The Pitfalls Of Taking Too Much Viagra
A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug called "Viagra" that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened. The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked, she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it. The next day, the woman comes in limping but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex ju
why did the bear climb on the woman while she was sleeping in the tent in the woods cause he wanted too get some
A man walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants. "Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says "No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?" Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"
Joke Of The Day 10/16/06
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Ricky was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Ricky began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place ......... smack his ass again!"
Joke 1
A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents asked him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?" He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"
A Joke For The Masses.. Hahahaha
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all, my husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."
My son told me this ok and I found it funny. What do you call a bird that cant fly?Flappy!
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother.
Need one gal 2 marry... Age no bar Color no bar height no bar caste no bar but gal's father must have his own bar... CHEERS Duniya main Bewafaon ki koi kami nahi SURAJ ko hi dekho wo Aata hai USHA ke sath aur Jata hai SANDHYA ke sath, Sota hai NISHA ke sath aur Uthta hai KIRAN ke sath The wife stands in front of a mirror. "you know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms" She turns to her husb & says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He says in a soft voice,"your eye sight is perfect" Boyfriend-Sorry mein tumse shadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana kar rahehai. Girlfriend-Ghar me kaun kaun hai? Boyfriend-1 biwi aur 3 bachhe! Sita: Truck ka horn sunkar tum kaampne kyu lagte ho? Titu: Ek truck driver meri biwi ko bhagaa le gaya tha, lagta hai jaise usko vapas laya ho.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government. Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well, says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people". Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair Priminster) in here,would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room "Yes my Queen?" The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Well, your Majesty, that would be me" "Yes very good" says the Queen. Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his Vice President, the same question. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not yo
Jokes For Friday October 27, 2006
HPesky Telemarketer The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "
Joke Of The Day
Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other. At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!" Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?" Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife." "How come?" "To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!" After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?" "Hell, no. Why would I want you to do that?" "Because that's my dick you're holding." Let me know what you think, thanks Revan
A Joke
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him . The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith. The midget."
A Joke For Ever One
YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers ' license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I als
A Joke For The Weekend !!
I thought i'd give you a bit of humour to kick off your weekend ! Beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While Doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities." "That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked. "Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?" "Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place."
Jokes For Today
Hair Cut Boss: You got your hair cut on company time. Susie: It grew on company time. Boss: Not all that hair. Susie: I didn't get it all cut. Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Over Five Years A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time." For The Kids... Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge? She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings! What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian? They had a feast of fun! What do you call a ghost's mother and father? Transparents! Who
( Joke ) Good News And Bad News
a man gets a phone call from his doctor . the doctor says; i have your recent test back . i have some good news and bad news; the man asks for the good news first . 'the doctor says the good news is you have 24 hours to live'.good says the man if thats the good news .then what is the bad news?the doctor says i couldnt reach you yesterday.
Jokes For Today - Thanks Red
Penis van Lesbian A good-looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it! I guess we will not do business together, the guy said and he left the agent's office. FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope are a letter and a
A Joke!!
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists... Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the
Joke The Bride Tells Her Husband
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast till the chores are done. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother and with a smile says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
Joke Of The Day 11/10/06
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 1. I do physical labor. 2. I work at great depths. 3. I plunge head first into everything I do. 4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. 5. I work in a damp environment. 6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation. 7. I work in high temperatures. 8. My work exposes me to diseases. Response: Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons: 1. You do not work 8 hours straight. 2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period. 3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. 4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations. 5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. 6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shif
school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth. Contributed by: Raymond Coakley ____________________________________________ A Sunday school teache
Joke Of The Day 11/11/06
The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me fuck you for a dollar?" "Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me fuck you for a million dollars?" After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper. A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me fuck you for five dollars?" "Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?" "We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"
Joke Of The Day
Ty: Well, Life goes on, so is your momma still there? traviesita53: fighting traviesita53: lol traviesita53: we've got mmm traviesita53: 4 cats and a dog with rabbies traviesita53: (ushould have seen dayan's reaction when she read that) explanation : dcc91984: my mom and my dad fight a lot dcc91984: like dog and cat dcc91984: so we've got 4 cats...Z(grandma, mom, sis and i) and one dog with rabbies( My dad) LOl i think all 4 cats are stronger..haha we attack as a group
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. ====================================================================== A Pole, and Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby. "Is it yours?" she asks the Italian."Certainly not," he retorts. "Yours?" she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity. "How about you?" she asks the Jew. "Maybe," he says glumly. "My wife burns everything." ====================================================================== A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped by a man who was carrying out a survey. "Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards sex." "Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?" "Well," replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable, especially when you've got a vase stuck up you
Joke Of The Day 11/13/06
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was: "Name seven advantages of "Mothers Milk." Worth 70 points or none at all. One student, who had partied late the night before, was frustrated to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1. It is perfect formula for the child. 2. It provides immunity against several diseases. 3. It is always at the right temperature. 4. It is inexpensive. 5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6. It is always available as needed. And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang, indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7. It comes in such cute containers. He got an "A".
Joke! Lol!
Thank God for Italians........ A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbucks' one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes, the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire." And so on and so on, until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion... With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!" The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
So Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand." You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong. I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button. I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End' So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?" So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is." I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver. My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel. I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." So I met the bloke who inv
Joke Of The Day 11/16/06
One evening after work several guys were going out to have a drink and They were trying to convince a married friend that he should come, too. "I can't," the man said, "my wife would kill me." After 15 minutes of persuasion by his friends he finally caves in and Goes. Later, looking at his watch, he realizes that it is midnight and he still has Not gone home. He immediately rushes home trying to figure a way out of The trouble he's in. Upon his arrival, he walks into the bedroom and sees his wife's legs Sticking out of the covers. "I know!" he thinks to himself and he crawls in between his wife's legs Under the covers and performs oral sex on her until she is satisfied. "That should do it," he thinks and he walks into the bathroom to wash his Face. He turns on the light and THERE IS HIS WIFE,... Sitting on the Toilet! "What are you doing in here?" he impatiently screams. "SSShhhhhh!" she says, "You'll wake your mother!"
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ************************************************************************************************** Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" **************************************************************************************************** From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!" ************************************************************************************************** O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 3
Good to the Last Drop A guy walks into a sperm bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and orders her to open the vault. She says, “But, sir, it’s just a sperm bank!” “Open it now!” he demands. She opens the vault, and it’s full of test tube samples. “Take one and drink it,” says the guy. “But it’s sperm!” she pleads. “Do it!” So the nurse sucks it back. “That one there, drink that one as well,” he continues. The nurse does as she’s told. Finally, after four samples the man takes off his ski mask. It’s her husband! “See?” he says. “Was it that bad?”
A Joke
man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5, 000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35, " was the reply. "I'm actually 47, " the man says happily. A little while later he goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?" "Nope, I am actually 47." He's starting to feel really good about himself. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your penis for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minute
New Lawyer Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.." "Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.." "Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.." This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally,
an old lady in a nursing home runs into the visiting room and lifts her skirt to on old man and said superpussy, a lady from the staff comes in and tells her she can't that to people and sends her back to her room she go's back to the visiting room and to the same old man say' superpussy the old man looked and scratched his head and said i'll have the soup
A Guy's Job A guy sticks his location, In a girl's destinstion, To increase the population, For the next generation. Do you get my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration im a cool girl, in a cool town it takes a real mother fucker to put me down kissing is a sport fucking is a game guys get all the pleasure girls get all the pain the guy says i love you you belive its true 9 months later, he says "the hell with you" the baby is a bastard the mother is a whore all this wouldn't have happened if the rubber wouldn't have torn roses are red violets are corney, when i think of you ohh baby i get horney, eat me, beat me, bite me, blow me, suck me, fuck me, very slowly, if you kiss me don't get me sassy, use your tounge and make it nasty!!!!
THAT'S LOVE! An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen
Nike are making trainers for lesbians,they are called "nike's for dykes" You get 50% more tongue and you can get them off with one finger .!
A little boy is pulling hie little red wagon down the street in front of a church where the pastor is standing outside , when the boy gets in front of the church a wheel falls off his wagon , the boy says god damn it , the pastor says bot dont say god damn it say god help me . The second day the boy is in front of the church with his wagon and two wheels fall off the wagon and the boy says god damn it again , and the pastor says boy plz dont say god damn it say god help me . The third day the boy is once again in front of the church and three wheels fall off his wagon the boy is getting upset and says god damn it , the pastor says plz young boy dont say god damn it say god help me . The fourth day the boy is pulling his wagon by the church and all four wheels fall off his wagon , the boy looks discusted and says god help me ........all four wheels pop back on the wagon and the pastor says god damn it...........
Joke Of The Week
AN American A Japanese guy and a French guy were in the jungle when they happened to get captured by head hunters. The chief head hunter informed them that while yes they were going to die their bodies wouldnt go to waste. They would use the hair for string the bones for weapons and they would stretch their skin to make canoes. He then handed each man a knife and told them they would be allowed to do the honorable thing and kill themselves. The Japanese guy yelled Banzai!!! and cut his throat. The frenchman following suit screamed "Viva La France" and cut his throat. The American started stabbing himself all over his body tearing holes in his skin and with his dying breath looked at the chief and yelled "Theres your fucking canoe."
Jokes Of The Day...
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. _________________________________ Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. _________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. __________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when
Joke Of The Day 12/7/06
Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile. In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me." As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town. "Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!" "What's the matter?" his fath
Who started the first computer club?
A Joke
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had the bastard buried upside do
Funny One-Liners 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest? 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A day without sunshine is like, night. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. All generalizations are false, including this one. All men are idiots, and I married their King. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Always try to be modest and be proud of it! Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Assassins do it from behind. Atheism is a non-prophet org
#1,Do you automaticly join any conversations on Sex ? #2,Do you turn every conversation into one about Sex ? #3,Does just talking about Sex make you warm all over? #4,Do you start each meal with a dozen oysters ? #5,Do you wear Sunglasses just so you can check out women? #6,Do you resent Male Flight Attendants or food Servers? #7,Do you get all your news from female newscasters? I myself,( yes ) for 6 out 7 .
#1,Do you Clean your place only if you think you might Score? #2,In general do you live in a pig stine ? #3,Have you given up trying to score a "10" ? #4,Do you Flirt with the Cutest women in the room nomatter how ugly she is( they all look good after a few drinks)? #5,Do you beg friends, Strangers to set you up on Blind dates ? #6,Is an Ideal Date,Roses,Dinners an my places or yours ? I preffer my place for all my animal lusts to be displayed. 4 of 6 .
A Joke
"Elementary, My Dear Watson..." On a warm summer night, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip together. As they lay down for the night, Holmes replied to Watson: "Look up into the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars," Watson observed. "Very astute, Watson! And what does that tell you?" Watson thought for a moment and then nervously replied, "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. And, uh...meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Watson glanced over at Sherlock and noticed a look of consternation on his face. Unsure if he'd spoken correctly, he decided to prompt and response from Sherlock and replied, "Um...perhaps, I'm wrong. What does it tell you?" Sherlock pursed his lips, looked intently into the night air and repl
A new sexual position has been invented. Its called the Rodeo. A woman gets on all fours, and a man enters her from behind. Then the man wraps his arms around her waist. He whispers, "You've got the fattest ass I've ever seen," and tries to hold on for eight seconds.
The morning after a wild party, a man noticed two rings on his dick. He went to a doctor, who told him "The good news is that the first ring is lipstick." "Whats the bad news?" the hungover man asked. the doctor replied, "The second ring is chewing tobacco."
A Joke
Twenty Four Little Hours... A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news and some very bad news." The patient, resigned to his fate, says, "Well, might as well give me the bad news first." "The lab called with your test results," the doctor began. "Unfortuanately, you've got a rare condition and they said you have 24 hours to live." "24 Hours!?" exclaimed the patient. "Thats terrible! What could be worse than that? What's the very bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
Joke Of The Day
While "flying" down the road yesterday (15 mph over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge, only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what ? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket: $95.00 Court Costs: $45.00 The Look
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u toghter
A Joke
Does It Hurt When I Do This? A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A woman was distraught because she had not dated in a long time. Her doctor suggested she visit a Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Wang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Wang said, "OK. Take off your crows." The woman did so and stood naked before him. "Now," Dr. Wang said, "get down on your knees and craw very fast away from me to the other side of the room." She got down on all fours and crawled away from him. "Now craw back," he said. She did as he asked. Dr Wang shook his head. "Your problem is very bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Worst case I ever saw. Thats why you dont have dates." Confused, the woman asked, "What is Ed Zachary disease?" Wang replied, "Your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
Jokes..they Amuse Me..
A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen." ------------------------------------------ A married couple returns to the same hotel room where they had spent their honeymoon forty years earlier. The wife takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, and spreads her legs. The husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably. "What's the matter?" she asks. "Forty years ago," he says, "I couldn't wait to eat it, and now..." "Now?" she asks. "Now, it looks like it can't wait to eat ME!"
Joke Of Da Day!
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
JOKE OF THE WEEK Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds.I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late." His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say 'WHO'S HORNY????!!!' and she acts like she's sound asleep! Works every time!"
Joke:suck The Poison Out
2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming, "A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!". The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!". So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor. "Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says. "It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.". The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?" the other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"
Joke: The Blonde And The Heart Attack
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Jean is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!" The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bitch", she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!"
Joke Of The Day 1/17/07
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going To The Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6 I can\'t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I\'m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn\'t work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, Troubled User..... _____________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men often complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 a
Joke Of The Day Lol
Strange woman A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, ''Who is this?'' ' 'This is the maid,'' answers the woman. ''We don't have a maid,'' says the man. The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.'' The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?'' The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.'' The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?'' The maid says, ''What will I have to do?'' The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.'' The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?'' The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.'' Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.'' A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
Joke 1- Simmons' Lol- Just Click In The Center Of The Picture
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Joke 2- Assistance Call Lol !
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Joke 3- Bud Dancin Queen ! Lol
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Joke 4 - Dura Cell Add/takes' A Licking & Keeps' On Ticking! Lmao
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Joke 5 - Main Line ! Lmfao!
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Joke Time! Lol
These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first guy says, "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk." The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into the room. The second guy says, "It's the women, I could never stay faithful to my wife." The Devil opens a second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye could see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn't believe it and his dick got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him. The third dude says, "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up." The Devil opens a third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10ft tall, icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke,chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and t
Two women have a boozy night out on the town and as they make their way home, they feel an urgent call of nature. One woman says drunkenly to her mate, "The cemetry is just up the road...we can nip in there, have a wee behind the old gravestones and nobody will see us!" So they stagger in, find a couple of suitable old headstones to duck down behind and relieve themselves. "I haven't got anything to have a wipe with." Complains one woman. "I'm gonna use my knickers and chuck 'em!" Says the other. "Not bloody likely!!" says the first, "I'm wearing designer knickers at 40 quid a pair and there's no way i'm chucking them!" In desperation, she hunts around and manages to find a nice fresh wreath, so she picks it up and uses that! Satisfied, the two women stumble off and continue home. The following morning, one woman's boyfriend telephones the other woman's boyfriend, "I think we'll have to keep and eye on our girlfriends mate, mine came home last night without any knickers!" "
Joke 6- Psysedo Casanova !
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Joke 7 - Scottish Wife ! Lmfao !
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Joke 8- Wedding Ring ! Lmfao More !
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Joke 9- Why Kids' Move Out ! Lmfao !
WhyKidsMoveOut1_6....Hosted by eSnips
Joke Ten- Wine Opener ! Lol
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Joke In Email: Tower To Saudi Air 911 -- You Are Cleared To Land
Tower to Saudi Air 911 -- You are cleared to land Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R." Saudi Air: "Th ank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R --Allah be Praised !!" Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R." Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R.- -Allah is Great !!" Pause: Static............. Saudi Air: "DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!!" Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?" Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS!!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE!!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE ! ! ! ! ! ! Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya'll hear?"
Jokes Of The Day!!
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face. "Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother. A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes." "I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken." The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie. "Marge," whispered Mil
Joke Of The Day
A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey you! What are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?" The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint,
Bit of a mean joke to some and it is a joke so PLEASE nobody take offence What is the difference between a WOMAN and a HURRICAINE. ANSWER :- NOTHING There both warm and wet when they cum, and take your house when they leave.
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" "That must've been scary," said the teacher. "It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the Rottweiler ate him!"
* ~ Joke of the Day ~ * A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says "What's up with your neighbors?" and the owner of the house says "Oh that?s the Robinson?s, they're both deaf. She's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go fuck herself!"
~ Joke of the Day ~ A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while." Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."
~ Joke of the Day ~ An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him. After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him. She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina". The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."
Joke Lol
I went into this restaurant and order a cup of coffee, and a bowl of soup. When the waitress brought out my coffee, she had her finger in it, but before I could say anything she left in a hurry. When she brought out my soup she had her finger in that too. I stopped her and said, "Miss, I don't understand something, you had your finger in my coffee, and then the same finger in my soup?" She stated that she has arthritis in her finger, and the doctor told her to keep it warm. Well I was furious so I said, "Why don't you just stick if up your ass...", and she replied, "I do when I'm in the back." LOL
Who Shot the Beaver? 90-year old man: "I've never felt better, Doctor. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?" Doctor: "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day, he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella by mistake. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" 90-year old man: "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver." Doctor: "My point exactly."
Words Women Use: 1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3.) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4.) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5.) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idio t and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6.) THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before decidi
A teacher asked her class to make a sentence using the word "fascinate". Molly put up her hand up and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate." Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight." The teacher sat down and cried.
* ~ Joke of the Day ~ * A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."
nutty_licious@ CherryTAP ................................................. A Little Boy A little boy walks past his parents bedroom, peeks in the keyhole and says to himself..... And this bitch gets mad at me for sucking my thumb!! ................................................. Woman's Prayer As he lay me down 2 hit, I pray his dick aint small as shit; But if his dick aint long and thick, I pray he's good at lickin clit!!! LMAO!! ................................................. Three Tampons Three tampons walkin down the street, Super, Maxi & mini.... which spoke first? None,... they all stuck up bitches LMAO!! ................................................. Blondes & Noodles What does a blonde and a cooked noodle have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them Wooo Hooo!! ................................................. Men Are Like... 1. Men are like ... Laxatives ... They irritate the shit out of you. 2. Men ar
$7 Joke
$7 SEX A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?" The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong
A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you Justone.""Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole, the gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman
A Banbury senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 Mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly Nutcase as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer Walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were
Joke: Making Love In A Car
A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relieve myself." While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat. He asks the guy "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me." The guy does and is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks "What're you doing in there?" The guy say "I'm making love to my wife." The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home?" The guy answers "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her."
Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the puszy."
One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer?" She said "Yes." "OK, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.
There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!" What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead. Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, "You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, "Beerrr!!!" Plop! He landed in a glass of beer. The second guy went down the slide y
A Joke Lol
raggity ann was sitting on pinocios nose and kept saying lie to me lie to me lol
Eroticy Jokes A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose
The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. "WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage." "No problem" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain." "Done" says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great Wizard?" Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I've heard it's true" says the Wizard. "Consider it done." Then there is a great silence. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?" And Bill replies - "Is Dorothy around?"
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on. One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General." After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. "Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end." A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then
A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend. "As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"! The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket. "He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table. "He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer. His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table. The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!
A woman goes to her doctor and tells him that she can't get any from her husband. So he gives her some pills and says "they are experimental pills, put two into his coffee and see what happens". So she does and the next morning come back and says "the sex was great what if I use ten?" And the docter replied "they are experimental pills so try it and see what happens". So the next day she comes back and says "the sex was better, can I put the whole bottle in and see what happens?" The next morning a little boy comes in and says, "my mother's dead, my sister's pregnant, my arse hurts like hell and my father is sitting in the corner saying "here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty."
17. "I finished the Oreos." 16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds." 15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!" 14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!" 13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!" 12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella." 11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt." 10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!" 9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?" 8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?" 7. "Get your *own* ice cream." 6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today." 5. "Got milk?" 4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney." 3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!" 2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that there is no mistake my son... We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and according to that, you're at least 108 years old!"
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is! The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up? I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass
THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. BUTT (but) n female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger." male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n female: A desire to get married and raise a family. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. female: A good movie, concert, play or book. male: Anything that can be done while drinking FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. male:
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across. She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The blonde shakes her head and yells back - "People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!"
A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden. Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically. Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out "63!" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. "74!", again a chorus of guffaws ring out. The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks "What are those elderly men doing." The old warden smirks, and says, "Oh, those are the life timers. They've been in here so long, they just number their jokes." Meanwhile another one calls out "2!". Nobody laughs. The new warden leans over and asks, "What happened?" To this the old warden replied, "Some people just can't tell a joke."
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied... "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
There were these two gay guys that give each other anal each night. One night before they give each other anal one of the guys has to go to the toilet. So the other guy says "okay but don't wank in there, save it for later." and the first guy agrees. This guy was in the toilet for a while so the other gay guy decides to check on him. Once he opens the toilet door he sees lots of seamen everywhere. He gets angry and yells "I thought I told you not to wank and to save it for later!" to the first gay guy. The first gay guy replies "I didn't wank, I just farted."
Joke Of The Day Lol
(I HAVE TO THANK MY SIS FOR THIS ONE!!!) PINCH MY N I P P L E S > > Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the > store gives > you a hard time - > > > A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she > wanted a > refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The > clerk told > her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on > special. > > Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started > screaming, > > "PINCH MY NIPPLES, > PINCH MY NIPPLES, > PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!" > > The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager > in front of a growing crowd of customers. > > The manager comes to the woman and asks,"Ma'am what's wrong?" > She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her > that > he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. > > Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed, >
> A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and Sees this > HUGE black guy standing next to him. > > The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 > feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound > right testicle, Turner Brown." > > The white man faints and falls to the floor. > > The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, > "What's wrong with you?" > > In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" > > The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you > the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I > weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 > pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." > > The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, > 'Turn around'!"
> >One for the ladies > >One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- > > >shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, >"What setting do I use on the washing machine?" > > >"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" > > >He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma " > > >And they say blondes are dumb... > > >----------------------------------------------------------- > > >A couple is lying in bed. The man says, > > >"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." > > >The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." > > >----------------------------------------------------------- > > >"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of >the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed >the lawn like this?" > > >"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. > > >----------------------------------------------------------- >
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude." "Harriet, she's a prostitute." "I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?" "Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." Even George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for t
A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" *************************************** There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been l
Joke: Little Johnny And His Brother
So, one Saturday morning, Johnny wakes up early and goes to his parents room to wake them up. Finding the door closed, he opens it only to find Mom and Dad having wild sex. He realizes he's done something wrong by the way Mom screamed and Dad yelling at him to get out and shut the door. After a few moments, Dad comes out and tries to comfort Johnny since he's crying and obviously upset. "What were you and Mommy doing in there?" Johnny says thru his tears. "Well, son," Dad replies, "we were trying to make you a baby brother." Johnny is just happy as hell with this. He walks around school the next Monday and tells all his friends that he's going to have a baby brother, someone to play with, and all that. Well, later in the week, Dad comes home from work only to find little Johnny sitting on the front porch really crying up a storm. "What's the matter, Johnny?" asks Dad. "Well, remember the baby brother you were trying to make for me?" "Yes..." replies the
Joke: Wishful Rubbing
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning: "Ohh, I need a bike! Ahh, I need a bike!"
Joke: Sex Therapist
A woman went to her psychiatrist because she was having several problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once." "Well, how did he look?" "Very angry..." At this point the psychiatrist felt he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well, that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time?" "He was looking through the window at me."
President Bush says Iraq is not having a civil war. It's just part of the growth of democracy. He sees it as Shia and Sunnis exercising their rights to bear arms.
In Illinois a mental patient went on trial for threatening to castrate President Bush. He was sentenced to 7 months in prison but a federal judge let him go because you can't lock people up for threatening to castrate the president. If you could, Hillary would have been in Leavenworth 15 years ago.
Things to do in the bathroom stall... 1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?" 2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before." 5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!" 6. Say "Darn, this water is cold." 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly. 8. Say, "Now how did that get there?" 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus." 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!" 11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters. 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your ne
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Jokes Guaranteed To Offend Someone!!!!
Q: What's blue and fucks old people? A: Hypothermia Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter? A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common? A: They don't fucking listen. Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts? A: Gonorrhoea Q: Why did God create yeast infections? A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too. Q. How can you tell a macho woman? A. She rolls her own tampons. Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms? A. Better traction in the mud. Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep? A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister. Q. What do you get when you cross two black people? A. Your ass kicked. Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them. Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: How do you
there waz a girl she whent to her doctor and said my husband wont have sex with me so the doctor said well try theze but just give'em 1 so she whent home and gave him 1 the next night the girl goes back to the doctor to see what would happen if she gsve him 2 and the doctor replied i have know idea but u can try it so she whent home and gave him 2 then the next day she whent back and said what happends if i give him the hole bottle the doctor replied i have know idea but u can try so when she got home she gave him the rest of the bottle the next night a cop was drivin passed and he stopped there waz a little boy on the stairs the cop asked were r ur mom and dad the boy said well MY MOM IS DEED MY SISTERS PREGNET MY BUT HOLE HURTS AND MY DAD IS ON THE COOLER SAYIN HERE KITTY,KITTY,KITTY!!!!
Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her..." Sonny's mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me." The father came home. As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you." "But why--" asked the startled father. "Go ahead, Sonny. Tell daddy just what you told me." "Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with uncle John when daddy was away last summer."
Joke From A Friend Pass Around!
lil johnny A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues. " Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it. Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery gets the urge… a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thi
Joke #!
Girl in movie house: "The man next to me is masturbating!" Girlfriend: " Ignore him." " I can't she replied, he's using my hand!"
Joke #2
Jack was enthusiastic over the new girl he had found at the neighborhood massage parlor. "You like three-way broads," he told his friend. "Well, this one knows four ways." " What's the fourth way?" asked his friend. "She lets you go down on her."
Joke #3
The young farm helper was telling his friend about his wedding night. " Boy, was my girl dumb! She put a pillow under her ass instead of her head."
ONE STONE There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grab
Joke #4
A Whore's customer, deciding to leave without payment, yelled at the supine lady, " If it's a girl, call it Fatima." "Fine said the whore, " and if it's an itch, you call it eczema!"
Joke #5
A kind young woman saw a little boy standing on a street curb attempting to relieve himself. Giving in to her maternal instincts, the woman helped the lad release his penis from his pants. She evinced considerable surprise when his penis proved to be a man-size tool, growing in her hand as the lad sighed with relief." How old are you, little man?" she asked. " Thirty-three ma'am," answered the pint-sized jockey.
Joke #6
The customer in a bordello was dismayed to see the unshaven armpits of the hooker as she undressed. "So much wool, so much wool!" he muttered. As she slipped off her panties, he noticed another prodigious growth. "So much wool, so much wool!" he exclaimed again. The girl retorted, " Look, mister, did you come her to get laid or to knit?"
BAD BOY A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed." Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "what gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?" The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue." _________________________________________________ WASHING MACHINE DOOR A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after be
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."
A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my lifesucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad." "So," the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar." The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out." _________________________________________________ There are two girls and a boy. SHe is standing in a quik-e-mart one day, when the shop is robbed. She is shot three times in the stomach. The doctor tells her the babies will be fine, but with some odd side effects. 13 years later, she is fixing dinner, and the oldest, a girl, walks i
Two gators were sitting at the side of the swamp near Washington, DC. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger' n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." Well," said the big gator, "What you been eatin boy?" "Politicians, same as you," replied the small gator. "Hmm. Well, where do yall catch em?" "Down to the side of the swamp near the parkin lot by the Capitol." "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexus and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase.
Joke Plz Read
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and sa
Joke Hubbie And Wife
a husband & wife decide to take little davey to the nudist beach one day, davey says to mom, why do some ladies have bigger boobs then you, mommy said, the bigger the boobs, the sillier the lady. Ok davey thinks & returns to the beach. He comes back a short time later, says to his mom, why do some men have bigger pee pee's then daddys?. Mom says, the bigger the pee pee, the dumber the man is. Davey says ok, goes back to the beach. Short time later, he returns & says to his mom, " daddy is talking to the silliest lady i ever seen & the longer daddy talks to her, the dumber he gets".
A Joke Chris Said To Me
Ok so after I cooked dinner chris came upstairs while I folded laundry and said mama i gotta joke for you, and I said ok. and he says to me knock knock,and You have to reply with who's there. so he said knock knock again and I replied again and this went on about 5 mins, and he then said mom and I said yes, and after the final who's there he said I love you for putting up with my knock knock jokes. It was very cute. and then I had to put one of my long sleeve shirts on him and tie the arms around him like a mini straight jacket and tickle torture him. and said nooooooooo more knock knock jokes today, so then the lil shit said ma..maa..guesss what and i said... im guessing your gonna run before the claw comes out to tickle torture you again :D when he was a baby.....
Chipmunks Two men went hunting. One had been hunting all his life, the other man was hunting for the first time. The one man told the other to sit down and not make a sound. So he did. But when the first man got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said. "I was when the snake bit me," the man said. "And I was when the bear attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed."
A Joke
What is round at both ends, and "HI" in the middle? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * OHIO lol OK, that was on a Laffy Taffy wrapper so I had to share.
Joke To Cheer People Up (hopefully)
One fine afternoon an elderly gentleman tries to get into his local betting office. Much to his surprise, the door is locked. After a few more futile attempts at opening the door a man sticks his head out of a window. It turns out to be the bookmaker himself : - Sorry, but we're closed today! The elderly gentleman promptly replies: - But there's a sign on the door saying : Open : 9 - 4, and it's only half past eleven! to which the bookmaker says: - But those are not the opening hours; they are the odds that we're open today.
The Wife stays home a house wife. The husband comes home from work wife asks honey can you fix the toilet husband says what the fuck do i look like the roater rooter man? Next day husband comes home wife asks honey can you fix the washer husband says what the fuck do I look like The maytag repair man. Next day husband comes home everything was fixed so he asks his wife honey who fixed this and how much did it cost? Wife says well the nieghbor guy fixed it and i either had to give him a blow job or bake him a cake. Husband says well what kind of cake did you bake him? wife says what the fuck do I look like Betty crocker?
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude." "Harriet, she's a prostitute." "I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?" "Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." Even George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for t
3 tampons are walking down the street, maxi,mini,and super. which one would say hello first? .............................. ............................ .....none of them are all stuck up bitch's>>ha ha
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures. The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the friggin hell was that?" She replies, "EYE--LEFT TIT -- BEHIND -- THE BUSH!"
A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can’t wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station. "Honey!" he says, "you’re not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it’s so great." "When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear." "When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck." "When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck." He excitedly tells his wife. Triumphantly he says, "We’re going to do the same thing for our sex life!" "When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked." "When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed". "When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out. Let’s give a test run. OK, ready?" "Bell #1!" (they strip naked) "Bell #2!" (they hop into bed) "Bell #3!" (they start screwing their brains out) A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!".
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man says, "Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited!" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." Now the bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face. The maid of honour notices this and says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited!" The bride replies "I have just given the last blow job of my entire life."
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sightseeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her...don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her. After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara." The African king pauses for a while. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I have. I have." Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France." The African king pauses for a while. He whips out his cellu
* ~ Joke of the Day ~ * A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
Feb 28, '07 3:48 PM for Marie'sfriends A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a House of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad." When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"
Joke: Spaghetti
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
~~jokes For The (gasp) Older Crowd~~
(Some of us may not be there yet.... but, it's coming!!!) JOKES FOR THE OLDER CROWD A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'." ----------------------------------------- An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." -------
What do you get when you cross a cabbage patch doll with a pillsbury doughboy? An ugly bitch with a yeast infection.
Joke For St. Patrick's Day
With St. Patrick's Day approaching it seems fitting to share an Irish pub joke. The stereotype is that the Irish are big drinkers, and in fact, they may be, but not all of them are, I'm quite sure of that. But nonetheless, this is my way of sharing the occassion of celebrating St. Paddy's Day. So I hope you like the joke and take it all with the good spirit that it is meant to be shared in. Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland " The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am" The first guy says, "So am I And where about from Ireland might you be?" The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am." The first guy responds, and so am I! "Sure and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?" The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first
Joke #7
Three words guaranteed to destroy any man's ego: " Is it in!"
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "If you don't mind me asking," he said, "what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."
Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do" WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do" WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those ar
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. ************************************************** A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out." ************************************************** Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ************************************************** A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the o

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