The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
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A Pole, and Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers, are pacing
nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of
the delivery room holding a black baby.
"Is it yours?" she asks the Italian."Certainly not," he retorts.
"Yours?" she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity.
"How about you?" she asks the Jew.
"Maybe," he says glumly. "My wife burns everything."
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A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped by a man who
was carrying out a survey.
"Excuse me, Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes towards
sex."
"Really!" said the woman smiling.
"Could you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?"
"Well," replied the woman, "I think it's extremely uncomfortable,
especially when you've got a vase stuck up your ass"!
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A man and his lady were in bed one night when he got the urge and
farted loudly.
"What was that"? she asked. "That was a touchdown" he explained.
Later that night she felt extremely bloated and loudly relieved
herself!
"What in the heck was that "? he demanded.
" If your's was a touchdown, mine was a touchdown" she replied.
Not much later, the man blasted again and shit all over the sheets.
" What in the hell was that she demanded!!!!!
"Half time" he said!! "Change sides"!!!
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