Fubar Blog Posts 3

The Piss Test
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine sampl

Making Good On Her Promises
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. One day she picked up the urn he was in and poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving ?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, " Irving , remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, " Irving , remember that blowjob I promised you? Here it comes..."

Lost Sperm
One day two Sperms were swimming vigorously and one Sperm asks the other: "How much further do we have until we reach the egg??" The other Sperm replys: "I dunno, but i think we just passed the tonsils!!"

"a Coming Home Gift"
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."

"warning"...bad Virus! (seriouisly)
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it immediately! Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone's autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair a

(blank)-gasms!
Sex in a boat - oar-gasms. Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms. Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms. Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms. Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms. Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms. Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms. Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms. Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms. Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms. Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms. Sex while broke - poor-gasms. Sex with a lion - roar-gasms. Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms. Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms. Sex with a nymphomaniac (or Ritzi) - more-gasms. Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms. Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms. Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms. Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms. Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms. Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms. Sex on the beach - shore-gasms. Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms. Sex on a c

10 Things Not To Say To A Girlfriend's Parents
1. My parole officer thinks Teri has a calming effect on me. 2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday? 3. Which one of you taught Monica to give such great head? 4. Can you believe it those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check! 5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife (Debbie/et al) can be rather vindictive at times. 6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion. 7. Angie is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her. 8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it? 9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Monica's will be okay too. 10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost...

10 Things To Never Say To A Naked Man...
10: Awww...that's cute 9. Well, at least you're good at other things 8. Do you think it'll fit my old Barbie® clothes? 7. My li'l brother has one like that. 6. Are you cold? 5. ::giggles:: 4. Maybe we should just be friends 3. Can you make it dance? 2. Umm...maybe you should get dressed 1. Oh...look...its hiding!

13 Things Films Have Taught Us
1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off. 2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do. 3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower. 4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security System or the communication System of an invading alien civilization. 5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate. 6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero. 8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once. 9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage. 10) The entire British popu

17 Facts Of Life
1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. check three friends. If they're OK, you're it. 2. sex is not the answer. sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. 3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. 4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. 5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. 7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live. 8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. 9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor. 11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. 12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own proble

2 Eggs
An old man and women are going out for a meal to celebrate there 50th anniversary.The old man is getting ready but cant find his shoes so he looks under the bed and finds a box with 2 eggs in it and a thousand pounds so that evening he questions his wife about it at dinner. "Well.." she said "each time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box" "And what about the thousand pound?" asked the old man. "Well..." Replies the woman "Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them"

2 Plus 2
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2 plus 2?" The housewife replies: "Four!". The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

4 Nuns Go To Heaven
Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them. St. Peter goes to the nuns and says "I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin." The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. "I once touched a man's penis with this finger". St. Peter thought for a while and said. "I'm sure it was in the line of duty; Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around." She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in. The second nun went to St. Peter and said, "I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand." Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was within your duties; Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in." The second nun did as she was instructed and "ping" she was in. All of a sudden the 4th nun jumped in front of the 3rd

50 Facts About Men
1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. 2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush. 4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald." 5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. 6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him. 7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man duri

Cheese Puffs ...
Does anyone else remember the blue can of Planter's Cheese Puffs? Those were good. I'm eating Cheetos right now, and they're good, for sure, but ... I miss cheese puffs and cheese balls. What a brilliant idea! That's all. :) Just wanted to share. *Giggle*

Threesomes Of Roses…
Yesterday, all in all, was pretty damn wonderful. This is a nice follow up to Tuesday I might add. -- Tuesday: Bran, knowing that I was just barely this side of full-blown meltdown, did one of those things where I don’t need to question how much he loves me. He stayed up most of the night on the phone with me Monday evening because I’d had a bad night. Then he sent me to bed while he waited for the busses to start running my direction. I still have his transfer, taped to my wall, showing that he was getting on a bus in the wee hour of 5:45 in the morning to come spend the day with me. We snuggled. We Napped. We might have had the neighbors considering calling the cops. (he likes to bring out the screamer in me sometimes). All in all, he gave me a day of love that I’ll never forget. -- Thursday: I thought I had a job interview. What I actually had was two hours of rigorous testing to see if I was even worthy of an interview. Needless to say, I

Blind Man In Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush

Short Laughs
What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction. A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here". Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf. I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

Superman
This girl walks into a bar and sees this really cute guy sitting at the bar. She walks up to him and asks him what he's drinking. He replies "magic beer." The girl looks at him weirdly and says that he is crazy, so the guy says watch this and takes a sip and jumps out the window flies around the building three times comes in and sits back down. The girl grabs his beer and jumps out the window falls to the ground and dies. The bartender looks up and says, "Superman you're such an asshole when you're drunk!"

~my*need* For/of Myone~
~the depth of feelings really only come to the front of ones thoughts so *loudly* when one is 'caged' to the point where her dream/s wake her in a hot sweat *just the thought of it in memory can bring her to the same state again and again* really makes one see the value of herMaster's set directive of doing her nightly tasks when she isn't with Him*deep blush*, the value of such has gone up considerably so,,,,can't wait till August 15th etc. gets here!!~ Your considerably frustrated slavegirl here myMaster tallyssinae[R]

Now U Know My Brother
u left me once times u left me twice times u left me three times u left me too many times to cry over u u think we have to fight over evey little thing why can't you grow the fuck up and take care of your kid u disowned me over something so damn stupid now i cry the tears of hateing myself cause i know once i let u back in u will hurt me again. now that your gone there always been something i wanted to say to u i still care for u i still love u even tho u told me not to don't know y i still love u and care for u i just do if u was here i tell u just how i feel.

Sex Tips To Please Women
Every woman is different and likes different types of stimulation. To become a master of sexual pleasuring, you must first understand that this will not happen overnight. The most important skill to learn is the ability to read your lady’s body and, unless you are telepathic, this will take some time. Don’t get us wrong, using the techniques, tips and information we are offering will help you have a better understanding of the female anatomy, be safer, and improve your repertoire; there is a big difference between knowing the techniques and being able to apply them correctly. While you are learning, we can’t stress enough the importance of communication in a sexual relationship. Whether it be a talk before, during or after, feedback is essential to learn what does and doesn’t work. Anal Play: An introduction to pleasing your woman through anal play. This guide walks through ways to pleasure her analy without pain, as well as explaining the more common anal toys. Cu

I Am So Wet
feel my kisses on your lips, and my warm breath against them as I whisper to you how sexy you are, and how much i want and need you. Feel my lips lightly bite on your bottom one before dragging down and sensuously kissing....sucking and nipping on your neck. My hands trembling in anticipation as I slowly unbutton your shirt, my fingers smoothing it open and feeling your chest. whispering against your skin as i kiss downward, how good you feel and taste. The scent of you in my head as my fingers gently touch your silky chest hair. I capture your nipples...one in my hot wet mouth, tongue swirling around it, teeth nibbling....one between my fingers...rolling, pinching and teasing. I moan on the one that I am sucking as I feel your body pressing into mine. My greedy mouth kisses from one nipple to the other...as you watch me loving you with my eyes closed. I suck on the other one now, giving it the same attention, as my hands tease your skin, sliding to the one that i just made wet, feelin

Oh
Brians first girlfriend followed him all his life. She was at some points more real than himself. The mirror images of her, Pallenberg and Nico tells how it ended. Pallenberg went for power and went on with the group after he died. Nico even began a career fronting a rockband. The unfaithfulness (of his first girlfriend) had been her way to achieve something. Brian was a tool so his first girlfriend could start her own rockgroup. Mick Taylor was a neccesary ghost of Brian the first years. When she was settled Taylor was kicked also. Bill Wyman saw the little girl inside the group and went for Mandy Smith. The story ends on the Babylon album where she looks back on what she has done. She Said Yea becomes on Saint Of Me (the story of a doomed woman) "I said yea". If Jagger ever should get the urge to quit the Stones Patti Smith would be a good suggestion for a new vocalist. She was the natural concequence of that group. I find Joan Jett a lot healthier as a role

Savage Beast
I haven't slept. When you're gone, my nightmares begin like fantasies......very sensual. Hands lightly roam my body.......nibbles along my neck and all over my body.....a mouth on each breast......another mouth teasing and sucking my clit.....I'm filled by glorious cocks.....plunging in and out of my mouth, pussy and ass. Cum oozes from each orafice. The flow doesn't stop pumping. Wet mouths sucking the nectar from my thick pussy lips takes me higher….multiple tongues along my crack drive me to sweet madness. I have so much cum in my mouth I can't drink it all, it drips from my mouth, coating my breasts and licked clean by hungry mouths and tongues. The room is filled with the music of sighs and moans. I drown in the pleasure of being totally worshipped and filled. My orgasm strikes quick and is too short when desire twists into the nightmare. I realize I am bound. The creatures adoring and lavishing my body are dark and sinister. Tender touches become sharp claws of savage beasts ripp

I Hate The New Name For This Site!
I really do... It's fairly offensive to me. Yes I know "cherrytap" wasn't much better... but it was less offensive to me. I am seriously considering deleting my account on here because of the name change.

Rocking Free Pic Sites
Virgin Media Virgin Media Logo * Home * Products * Customer zone * Help Click here to find out more! Search Search type: * Home * Entertainment * News & Weather * Sport * Lifestyle * Shopping * Digital & Tech * Your shout * Customer zone * Help Customers Search filter is OFF [ X ] Google Search Filters Google's SafeSearch screens for sites that contain pornography and explicit adult content and eliminates them from your search results. Change your settings below. Safety Levels Description Blocks web pages containing pornography and explicit sexual content, including other adult material Blocks web pages containing pornography and explicit sexual content. No content filtering. Select Sponsored links Free Photos Watch Millions of Photos and Share your Albums Online. 100% Free! Dada.net/Photo Free stock photos Create a free account and download high-res stock images for f

Online
have been on cherry tap ... and on 360.. i am sexual but very hesitant about the men i meet. I am very submissive oriented.. and would like to learn more. Men I have met seem more interested in building a stable of women.... talk to me if you are not like that.. if you are a dom and don't want just another lil girl... I like sharing me :) and have some old pics that I will set to friends only... and want to make new ones but have not been inspired lately..

Free Stuff 15
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Free Stuff 18
* Free Stuff at Free-stuff.co.uk www.free-stuff.co.uk - Free stuff and competitions for the UK, updated three times a week. * Win Free Prizes Instantly www.instantwin4now.co.uk - You can win cars, cash, holidays, electrical and much more... WEB RESULTS 181. Free Events, Free Things to do in New York City, New York, NY, NYC ... Free Events, Free Things, Stuff to do in New York City, New York, NY, NYC: free Culture & free Entertainment in New York City www.clubfreetime.com/new_york.asp - 56k - Cached 182. Download and Play Online Games - iWin.com Free games and online games for everyone. Play and chat with players around the world. There are new game downloads each week. Join the fun. www.iwin.com - 76k 183. ZoneAlarm - Proactive Firewall protection with multiple layers of ... Proactive firewall protection with multiple layers of security that stop inbound, outbound, and program attacks wh

Let's Talk About...
You scored as Hot/hard, You love hard sex. You like it hot and fast. You love to scream and to listen to your partner scream. You'll go at it as fast as you can. Just make sure you don't go too hard for your partner, just because you can take it doesn't mean they can. Please rate and comment and tell me what quiz this is when you do!Exciting/Exotic70% Hot/hard70% Passionate/wet60% Soft/slow20% Shy/Sweet15% Awkward/New0% How are you about sex? (with pics)created with QuizFarm.com

What A Kiss Means
what a kiss means Body: Body: What a Kiss Means Kiss on the stomach = Im ready Kiss on the Forehead ="i hope we're together forever" Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends" Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you" Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together" Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you" Kiss on the Lips = "I love you" What the gesture means... Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other" Slap on the Butt = "That's mine" Holding on tight = "i don't want to let go" Looking into each other's Eyes = "i just plain love you" Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me" Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go" Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you" --Advice-- Dont ask for a kiss, take one If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in Love.

When The Night Ends
On the prowl day and night….., But even more in the pale moonlight……, The Sexual And Romantic Vulture….., It's passion is on a roll….., So its libido is hard to control……, The Sexual And Romantic Vulture….., Now beware of the evil moves….., Cause you'll get more than the blues…., From the Sexual And Romantic Vulture…., Yes, its totally invaded our culture……, The Sexual And Romantic Vulture…..! ! !

Sex
sex Love is morbid and stressful Sex is humorous, kinky and easy. Sex is something upbeat Love is plummeting down. Love is larger than life Sex is life itself. Sex is like saving money Love is like spending money. Love is beating the bush Sex is coming to the point. Sex is exchanging energy Love is wasting it. Love is hell on earth Sex is heaven on earth. Love is sleepless nights Sex is sweet dreams. Sex is a torrid interlude Love is the chill of the wind. Love is a narcotic dependence Sex is detoxification. Love is Spartan and redundant Sex is simple and quintessential. Love is commitment and chastity Sex is friendship and reminiscene

All Alone
all alone Alone to cry Alone to laugh Alone to smile Alone to frown Alone to live Alone to die Alone to wander Alone to discover Alone to learn Alone to live Alone in pain Alone in hurt Alone in joy Alone in the morning Alone in the night Alone in the afternoon Alone in this life Alone in this world Alone in boredom Alone in knowledge Alone in this state Alone with people Alone at work Alone right now Alone when I was born And alone when I will die Alone walking through life Without any pride How can you be satisfied Living your life like you do When you know there is some one out there Who could really use a friend like you No one will know how I live No one will know who I am No one will ever get to know me Because I am destined to spend my life alone I am always alone. It's no fun to be alone To do everything on your own To live with no recognition To share my pride with no one Wanting to have someone To live my life with But for now

Always More!....
Always more!.... What the fuck is it with men? If I wanted to put up sex pictures I would, but that’s my precative, and shouldn’t be questioned! So why is it when I do show to someone they friggin’ ask for more, or better yet, they say,” I know you have cam”. What the fuck difference does it make? It’s my cam, I’ll turn it on to whoever I like, and REFUSE whoever I disscide and if I want to discriminate, I will! Understand this you mother-fucking men, I WANT TO SEE YOUR REAL FACE, I WANT TO KNOW THE REAL YOU! NOT YOUR COCK, I HAVE A VIBRATOR THAT CAN DO JUST AS WELL, YOU SEE MEN, WOMAN HAVE RO BE PUT IN A MOOD, OR AT LEAST CARE...YOU MOTHER-FUCKER’S CAN DO IT COLD, SO LET ME GET YOU A FRIGGIN’ MELON TO FUCK. IT’S JUICEY , AND HONEYDEW MELONS DON’T HAVE SEEDS IN THEM, I’LL JUST PUT A PLUG OF IT OUT AND LET YOU GO TO TOWN ON IT, THEN WE’LL ThROW IT AWAY, MAKE US BOTH HAPPY.

Winding Down...
Exhausting day at work. No energy left to get up and go home... heh. Just had to reallocate yearly merit increases yet again... zeroing out stock options so my team "complies" with some stupid corporate standard. I hate this.

Two Of A Kind...
Her virtue as pure as water flowing in a brook He protects her soul by defending her honor Their heart felt love since the day they met Longing to be pure and sweet forever Enduring tragedy and strife they are one till gone Entwined in heaven their spirits are as pure as the day they met.

The Cabbie And The Blowjob
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well wh

Fetching The Sneakers
A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?" The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters. He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you." The first daughter says, "That's not true." He says, "I'll prove it." He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?" His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."

Learning To Count
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps: 1. Unbutton pants 2. Pull pants down 3. Pull foreskin back 4. Pee 5. Push foreskin forward 6. Pull pants up and button up She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good. Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...

Caught Short
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you would let me go piss, you'd be a ten!"

Communication Breakdown
Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!" And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!" And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

Interesting Remedies
I'm not sure if these will really help or not, but thougth I'd share them anyway... Interesting remedies.. Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing. Kills fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas. Rainy day cure for dog odor ...Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh. Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers." Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.

How We See Women
This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet." The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?" No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

Gotta Get (you) Way
Who killed Brian Jones? Mick Jagger did. Jagger is the reason for the creation of Mr D. Brian could (in the long run) only be killed by Mick. Why? Because he is the mother in the band. He is the one he takes the storys home to. Brian gives his songs to Jagger. At one point the receiver started throwing those songs against the wall. Baby, the truth is out so don't deny Baby to think I believed all your lies Darlin’ I can't stand to see your face It's the truth, you understand I got to get away, got to get away Gotta, gotta, gotta get away Got to get away Baby, I don't want to live here no more Baby, though I tore your pictures off my walls Darlin' this old room's falling in on me You understand the truth now I got to get away, got to get away Gotta, gotta, gotta get away Got to get away Baby, oh, how could you take away your clothes Baby, don't screw up this old heart of gold Darling, this will rule my social flare You understand me now

San Franciso Calls Us!!
If you're going to San Francisco Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair If you're going to San Francisco You're gonna meet some gentle people there For those who come to San Francisco Summertime will be a love-in there In the streets of San Francisco Gentle people with flowers in their hair All across the nation such a strange vibration People in motion There's a whole generation with a new explanation People in motion people in motion For those who come to San Francisco Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair If you come to San Francisco Summertime will be a love-in there If you come to San Francisco Summertime will be a love-in there

We All Love The White Rabbit
One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small, And the ones that mother gives you Don't do anything at all. Go ask Alice When she's ten feet tall. And if you go chasing rabbits And you know you're going to fall, Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar Has given you the call. Call Alice When she was just small. When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving low. Go ask Alice I think she'll know. When logic and proportion Have fallen sloppy dead, And the White Knight is talking backwards And the Red Queen's "off with her head!" Remember what the dormouse said: "Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

Mumms
ok so i had posted a mumm about a certain situation i wont go into deatil butt my ass was stomped bigtime and no it was harnfull now all i have to say u diont like dont read post whatever leave it be if ya wanna get pissed off do in away from the comp yadda mean peace out

Vato You Wont Believe What I Saw
i slept next to my boyfriend, i love doing that. he had to wake up at 7am to get to work, and of course, i didnt have to get up, but i do anyways to say bye to him. to my surprise he woke me up by slowly slipping in two fingers into my pussy and licking my clit. slowly i start to climax half asleep. grabbing his hair and shoving his toung into my pussy where his fingers were.. k. i'm going to bed. night

* Deep Thoughts * By Jack Handy
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

Another Deep Thought.....
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

Always&forever
Always & Forever All I think about day after day is how I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Just being around you is enough for me to keep living that one extra day. Knowing you're in my life and care about what I do is that extra encouragement that you give to me. I feel that if I every lose you I would be incomplete as a person and as a man. As some times you seem to bring up crazy theories about breaking up, I get were you're talking about, but I just can't and won't be able to cope with losing you for any reason. I all I say and would be my answer until the end of time is I will love you always and forever and can never live without you. I do ask the same question to myself though, would we still be together, also if I would cheat on you. As I came to so many conclusions and figured that our relationship wouldn't possible last as long as we want to, then I figured out that all that doesn't even matter because my love for you is so deep. My life revolves

2nd August 2007
Dear Alexa, Here is your single's love horoscope for Thursday, August 2: Best apply yourself to work or getting personal stuff in order during the day -- and don't forget that all-important mind-body balance! Tonight and in the near future, your being centered makes all the romantic difference.

Just A Bit Closer....
for every step it seems 6 inches is deducted for some type of karma tax--lady luck you vindictive, selfish bitch you. Truck is shot, about to walk out of this horrid job; nothing is looking like a straight path at the moment. I'm feeling just above the waves swallowing tiny amounts of water. any closer and i think that razors edge will start to cut into the bottoms of my feet.....

Study: Women Are In Charge At Home
I was challanged on my observation from yesterday's Mumm. Unfortunately, I do my homework. Study: Women Are in Charge at Home Jeanna Bryner LiveScience Staff Writer LiveScience.comWed Jul 11, 12:30 PM ET Men might throw their weight around at the office, but at home, women are the bosses. A study, which was just released, finds that wives have more power than their husbands in making decisions and dominating discussions. "The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said lead author David Vogel, a psychologist at Iowa State University (ISU). "Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know." The results counter past research. "Most of the research literature in psychology has suggested that women have less power," Vogel told LiveScience. "They have largely based that on the fact that traditionally men earn more money and so therefore would have the ability to make big decisions in the relation

Job
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Yuma sits a Huge Mexican. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After three or four beers, the gay fellow finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Mexican. Leaning over towards him, he whispers, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive Mexican leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the shit out of him, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brings over another beer to the big Mexican. "I've never seen you react like that," he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I don't know," the big Mexican replied. "Something about a job."

Missed You All
I just wanted to say that I have missed all of my friends here and thanks to all of you that have checked in on me during my absence your emails were appreciated...I am back now and ready to have some fun so hit me up and lets have a chat...

Nice My Ass!
kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:28:34 AM): congrats to you an sarah james byers (11/30/2006 12:29:13 AM): for what being lie to and treated like pice of shit? kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:29:30 AM): lied to over what kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:29:40 AM): an who treated you like a piece of shit kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:29:46 AM): i cetainly never did kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:29:51 AM): it was the other way arounf kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:29:54 AM): after all kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:30:01 AM): you called me a bitch kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:30:03 AM): skankkristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:30:09 AM): barbie bitch james byers (11/30/2006 12:31:07 AM): you lie to us and treated us like shit barbie wish a be kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:31:25 AM): ive neverrrrrrrrr treated you with anything but respect kristi stotler (11/30/2006 12:31:35 AM): hun im no barbie wanna be james byers (11/30/2006 12:31:42 AM): you all never did like us or want be real friends

Complexities
I refuse to be simple in my thoughts for even making love now is so complicated The computer tells you the multiplicity of emotions and praises you for the constant, unchanging Or do computers tell the truth? Dont they ever signify relatively? Is this a world of masks betraying the heart and soul? Why be simple, then where the complex is the ultimate answer to all other complexes? Give me one simple, perfect, clear line It wouldnt hold water, I tell you Gossip has even taken the nature of airwaves Now we need only look up and the sun comes energizing us it is simple yet so complex

Prayers And Help Needed
Prayers and help needed ..> Body: I will lose my internet on the 23rd. I won't be able to communicate with anyone then. I will lose my lights on the 6th of August if I don't get some money on it..I will also lose my car if I don't get in a payment soon, God I pray that something good will happen soon. I have an autistic son that would not understand why we didn't have any lights and as hot as it is it would be bad. or any thing to watch. I am just giving everyone that cares an update. YOur prayers are needed. PLEASE REPOST A little good update a real good friend of mine helped pay my insurance she is gonna try and help me some more. I am still worried about losing my car. Our phone has already been turned off. I have lights and rent coming up. I have tried dfacs and they say that they can't help us. We made about $10 too much for their scale. Well their scale aint helping me to feed my child. So I am still asking for prayers and help if you can. Please open your

Summer Break
Its soon going to be nothing but school and work and a little bit of free time. Summer break is a most over i have 3 weeks left before school starts and 2 weeks before my 20th birthday. i start a new job at a calling center this coming week so I'll no longer be working at 2 motel jobs, yes!

In A Bubble....
If you found your self in a elevator... A couple enters making out. They start 2 go all the way. What would you do??? A) Leave on the next floor. B) Ask 2 join in? C Just ignore them till your original destination? D) Other....

Im New To This
MyHotComments Heya Im new to this trying to make new friends on here and hope start up some nice friendships, everyone stop by and rate Me and fan Me and I will try and do the same back, everyone have a great weekend!! party on!! from ilost her and i loved her.

Loved
As i slowly stop begin tickled i can feel your eyes piercing my soul and I cant help but feel totally loved...you lean down and kiss me just so slowly that i almost feel like we are in slow motion...I can feel every tingle....your kiss envelopes me I can feel how much i want you and how much i missed you....you take your hand up my shirt and I can feel my nipples tightening under your firm touch...i can feel my back arching slowly and I can feel my body feeling ohhh so hot all the sudden as you move you hand down my stomach and to my thigh....i spread my legs willingly I can feel my clit throbbing and aching for you to touch it...taste it...You start to take off my shirt and then yours and you start to kiss me and then my neck and u give me a small bite...and I quiver....I push into you and my hard nipples rub on your chest and they harden even more an i can hear you saying faintly..i love your body...you slowly kiss down my chest lingering ever so much on my breast...playing with them

Babyjesus
babyjesus is not nice at all he blocked my friend mountain and dew me ... that is not cool,and babyjesus like's to dog on myspace.com he is no beter then them!!!!!!!!!!!THEY MIGHT BLOCK ME TOO...PLEASE RESPOEND TO THIS......

Management Lesson
Lesson One An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farm

Sonnets 11-20
XI As fast as thou shalt wane, so fast thou grow'st In one of thine, from that which thou departest; And that fresh blood which youngly thou bestow'st, Thou mayst call thine when thou from youth convertest. Herein lives wisdom, beauty, and increase; Without this folly, age, and cold decay: If all were minded so, the times should cease And threescore year would make the world away. Let those whom nature hath not made for store, Harsh, featureless, and rude, barrenly perish: Look whom she best endow'd, she gave the more; Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish: She carv'd thee for her seal, and meant thereby, Thou shouldst print more, not let that copy die. XII When I do count the clock that tells the time, And see the brave day sunk in hideous night; When I behold the violet past prime, And sable curls, all silvered o'er with white; When lofty trees I see barren of leaves, Which erst from heat did canopy the herd, And summer's green all g

Brand New Second Hand
YOU'RE ONLY ACTING LIKE YOU ARE SOMEBODY BUT I DON'T NO SAY YOU KNOW NOBODY YOU'RE ONLY A SHOW OFF YOUR PAINTED FACE, YEAH BUT UNDERNEATH THAT FACE YOUR JUST A DISGRACE (CHORUS) YOU'RE JUST A BRAND NEW SECOND HAND GAL NO MAN NO WAN' NO BRAND NEW SECOND HAND GAL YOU BETTER GO BACK AROUND SO YOU'RE JUST A BRAND NEW SECOND HAND GAL YOU THINK IT'S THE DRESS YOU WEAR THAT MAKE YOU A LADY GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MIND GAL YOU MUST BE CRAZY MAMA USED TO TELL ME LONG TIME AGO YEAH NOT EVERYTHING YOU SEE GLITTER IS GOLD CHORUS SEE YOU WATCH THEM PASS I WELL HIDY-TIDY BUT THEM NO-NO SAY YOU VERY NASTY LOOK 'PON YOU FOOTBACK LOOK HOW THEM TOUGH, YEAH AND YOU JAW BONE FAVOR SPANISHTOWN HANDCUFF CHORUS DICK KNOW 'BOUT YOU AND TOM DO AND HARRY JUST 'ROUND THE CORNER KNOW 'BOUT YOU TOO HE GOT A POLICE BUK AND TAKE IT FOR FUN HE MUST SEE NO-NO SAY YOU JUDGE TO GUN CHORUS ...TAKE MAN FE IDIOT YOU'RE JUST

Butterfly
softly and tendly giveing my love to you oh butterfly,butterfly i love you so on the street where we live people makeing love so we why cant you and i i love you so whoa baby baby so whoa baby baby so whoa so whoa baby baby, softly and tendly am giveing my love to you oh butterfly butterfly please dont you cry cause on the streets where we live people makeing love so you cant we why cant you and i i love you so whoa baby baby so whoa baby baby so whoa so whoa baby baby, softly and truely am giveing my love to you whoa butterfly butterfly i love you so yeah! on the street where we people makeing love so you cant we why cant you and i,i love you so baby baby so whoa baby baby..........

Cigarettes And Tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answered, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ..so does she. "

Sonnets 21-30
XXI So is it not with me as with that Muse, Stirred by a painted beauty to his verse, Who heaven itself for ornament doth use And every fair with his fair doth rehearse, Making a couplement of proud compare With sun and moon, with earth and sea's rich gems, With April's first-born flowers, and all things rare, That heaven's air in this huge rondure hems. O! let me, true in love, but truly write, And then believe me, my love is as fair As any mother's child, though not so bright As those gold candles fixed in heaven's air: Let them say more that like of hearsay well; I will not praise that purpose not to sell. XXII My glass shall not persuade me I am old, So long as youth and thou are of one date; But when in thee time's furrows I behold, Then look I death my days should expiate. For all that beauty that doth cover thee, Is but the seemly raiment of my heart, Which in thy breast doth live, as thine in me: How can I then be elder than thou art? O! there

Sonnets 41-50
XLI Those pretty wrongs that liberty commits, When I am sometime absent from thy heart, Thy beauty, and thy years full well befits, For still temptation follows where thou art. Gentle thou art, and therefore to be won, Beauteous thou art, therefore to be assail'd; And when a woman woos, what woman's son Will sourly leave her till he have prevail'd? Ay me! but yet thou might'st my seat forbear, And chide thy beauty and thy straying youth, Who lead thee in their riot even there Where thou art forced to break a twofold truth:-- Hers by thy beauty tempting her to thee, Thine by thy beauty being false to me. XLII That thou hast her it is not all my grief, And yet it may be said I loved her dearly; That she hath thee is of my wailing chief, A loss in love that touches me more nearly. Loving offenders thus I will excuse ye: Thou dost love her, because thou know'st I love her; And for my sake even so doth she abuse me, Suffering my friend for my sake to appr

As I Mature...
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care some people are just a$$holes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs. I've learned that shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a releationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it. I've learned that the people you care mos

Top 15 Favorite Country Songs
1. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You 2. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me 3. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 4. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well 5. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better 6. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win 7. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight 8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're still Here 9. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now 10. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him 11. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger 12. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly 13. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure 14. She's Looking Better After Every Beer 15. I ain't Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, but I've Sure Woken Up With A Few

A Sensitive Man
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to his place and he shows her around his apartment. She notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,"Well, how was it?" "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific
A woman was at work when a man said, "You're hair smells nice." She went straight to her boss and said, "A man said my hair smells nice." He in return said, "What's wrong with that, it does." She said, "The man who said that was a midget."

Three Wise Women?
Can you imagine what the Bible would have to say if instead of the three wise men, you'd have three wise women? You might get the following: * They would have asked for directions. * They would have arrived on time. * They would have helped deliver the baby. * They would have cleaned the stables. * They would have brought practical gifts. * They would have made a casserole. But what would have happened when they left? You'd have heard: * "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?" * "I heard Joseph isn't even working right now." * "And that donkey they were riding has seen better days, too." * "Virgin, my a$$! I knew her in high school." * "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph." * "Want to bet how long it will take to get my casserole dish back?" * "Did you see that drummer boy? He can beat my drum anytime!!!"

Dinner With The Girlfriend's Parents
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his he

Big People Words
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked John what he had done over the weekend? "I went to visit my Nana." No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words." She then asked little Alex what he had done? "I read a book," he replied. That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT"

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives head of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? 2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. 3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! 4. Rottweiler: Make me. 5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. 6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! 7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. 8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. 9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? 10. Cocker

The World Is Nuts
1. In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) 2. In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) 3. Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?) 4. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than "going blind!") 5. There are men in Guam whose full- time job is to travel the countryside And deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. The reason? Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidde

What A Coincidence...
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says " How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman. "What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence." says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks." he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.

It's Good To Be The King
Men. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit

Italian Men
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.....one button at a time. .............No one moves. .............He removes his shirt. ............Muscles ripple across his chest. ..............She gasps... .............. He whispers: "Iron this,

... Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
A man got on a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful, young (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and, finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked........... "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Mourning After
Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Sherry says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies," Mama! I have someone for you to meet. Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains. Their first night there, she undresses as he does. There she stands nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." Now, he knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit...except that he has on a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "

25 Things You'd Love To Say Out Loud At Work
# I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. # I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. # How about never? Is never good for you? # I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. # I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. # I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. # I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. # I don't work here, I'm a consultant. # It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. # Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. # I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid. # You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. # I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn. # I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. # I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. # Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely

How Men And Women Shower
How To Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 6. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 7. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 8. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. 9. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 10. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 11. Rinse conditioner off hair. 12. Shave armpits and legs. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. 15. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

The Birthday Present
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck, and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look," she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. My birthday is coming up and you could surprise me you know." So, for her birthday, he bought her a bathroom scale. Funeral services are pending.

Late Night Strategies
Two married buddies are out drinking one night. One turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine before going into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, "WHO'S HORNY????!!! And she acts like she's sound asleep. It works every time!!"

12 Things To Never Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Magic Beer
A lady walks into a fancy bar on top of a thirty story building and sees a really good looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says. She thinks he's a little crazy,so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it. "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building three times and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer,so the guys says to the bartender,"Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of beer, jumps out of the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her bod

Parking Ticket
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So, I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Blowjob Etiquette (by A Female)
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick? 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've jus

The Perfect Day According To ... Him
10:00am Wake up 10:02am Oral sex 10:15am Big breakfast 11:30am Drive up the coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs 2:15pm Enormous lunch 3:00pm Oral sex 3:15pm Play sports with the guys 4:00pm Drink beer with guys 6:00pm Meet Claudia Schiffer 6:10pm Oral sex 6:25pm Huge dinner, more beer 11:00pm Full on, get down, gorilla sex

The Perfect Day According To ... Her
8:45am Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00am 5 pounds lighter on the scale 9:30am Light breakfast 11:00am Sunbathe 12:00pm Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:30pm Shopping 2:30pm Run into boyfriends ex, notice she's gained 30 pounds 3:00pm Facial massage and nap 7:30pm Candle light dinner for two and dancing 10:00pm Make love 11:00pm Pillow talk in his big strong arms

How To Impress A Woman
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

Things Not To Say To A Naked Woman...
Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon. How many storage boxes can you fit in there?! You must be very experienced. Remember, you said this was a freebie...right? Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in. I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it. Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt. Would you mind rolling around in this flour. I heard carpenters dream about you. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. Look....I can get my whole arm in. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. Is that an optical illusion? If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in. Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head? Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off? Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish? I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Have you ever thought of working in a s

The Mans Guide To Female English
We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like I'll be

The Answer To A Female Saying "what's Wrong?".....
The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Everything = My PMS is acting up Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam

Jesus, The Way To Forgiveness
Jesus, The Way To Forgiveness Many people think that sin is nothing more than a violation of human relationships. They consider an action sinful only if it is frowned upon by society, if it violates their own conscience, or if it is harmful to someone. To such people, correcting sin is nothing more than making things right with other people. When this is done they feel a peaceful release. But sin is more than this. Sin is any deviation from God's will. 1 JOHN 5:17 All unrighteousness is sin, and there is a sin not leading to death. It may be doing what God disapproves. 1 JOHN 3:4 Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness. Or, it may be failing to do right. JAMES 4:17 Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin. The grossest behavior toward another human being is sin only because it violates God's law. After committing adultery and murder, David wrote in a Psalm to God: PSALM 51:4

Elongated Peni$es
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, over sized peni$es. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated peni$es?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have peni$es!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."

Super Market Mistake
This guy is in line at the Super Market when he notices a hot blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is stunned that such a hottie would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?" She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!" His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, "Christ!" he says "are you that stripper at my bachelor party that I had on the pool table in front of all my friends, while your partner whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?" "No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

Randy The Rooster
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem." Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk... "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle. Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the

Blow-up Dolls
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?" The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch." The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast.....she farted and flew out the window!"

Physic Parrot
Three women walk in a pet shop. Suddenly the parrot yells out, "Yellow, pink, blue." The first lady says, "That's funny, I�m wearing yellow underwear." The second lady says "well I'm wearing pink." The third lady says "No way, I'm wearing blue." To test the parrot, the next day, all of them wore white and the parrot shouted, "white ! white ! white!" The three women are amazed. The final test was the third day, just as they walk in the parrot yelled "Bald, curly and straight!" They never went there again!!

Trash Compactor Love
up in arms to guard safe keeping of my heart in a box strangled mangled in a web of mystical amore darkest knight your black to my white this is how i remember it all retro funk this make believe junk trash compactor love

Deliverer
confess your heart silently your dreams may haunt your passion can defy tragedy's watch will never forget-- the night shall be your love and the stars your hope greif feigned desire becoming your deliverer and there is less suffering beyond the fall

41facts,21 Secrets
Today- ----------- 1. Talk to a boy/girl you like? 2. Learn anything new? yeah never use polish on lam flooring very slippy lol 3. Talk to an ex? yes -Last Person Who- ------------------------ 5. Laid in your bed? becki 6. Made you cry? becki 7. You went to the movies with becki 8. Went to the mall with you?becki loz 9. Gave you a hug?beck loz 10. Who made you laugh?every1 11. Said they loved you?every1 lol becki 12. Gave you a kiss ? andy General stuff-- ------------------- 16. Favorite location? any were hot 17. Do you like the city or country? both 18. Who are you most scared of? myself 19. When do you want to get married? dunno 20. Do you want children? dunno 21. Does anyone like you?dunno 22. Do you like being around people? only people i like lol yes 23.Have you cried recently?probly 24. Are you lonely right now? nope got puppy dog on my knee 25. Have you been on TV/radio nope 27. Pe

Week 46
- Jimmy Olsen has a lot of time on his hands these days to mope and bemoan the death of New God Lightray…oh wait! No he doesn’t! Instead, he’s got a hankerin’ for investigating some weird letter he just got at the Daily Planet. - On her first night back on patrol, Mary Marvel stumbles across an occult gathering of pregnant women singing an Echo and the Bunnymen song around a floating, glowing rock (no, we did not make this up). Then, the chant summons a demon whose body is composed of infant corpses. (Seriously? No, we’re not joking here…SERIOUSLY?!?) After a bit of debate, the demon decides he’d like to eat Mary. - In Keystone City, the Rogues are out for a nice round of drinks at a local burger joint. When Mirror Master is rude to the waitress, Pied Piper draws him into some colorful discussion on manners, and the whole thing soon comes to blows. Lucky for the restaurant’s manager, Captain Cold and Inertia show up to put the pair on ice (not kill them, just make them all freezy

Flags Of Nascar
Flags of NASCAR Green The track is clear and cars may proceed at speed. This flag is used to signal the beginning of the race and any restarts. Yellow (caution) The track is not clear, slow down and hold your position behind the pace car. This flag is used to signal an accident, debris caused by contract or mechanical failure, or weather-related issues. NASCAR rules allow cars to bunch up behind the leader. In most cases, lead-lap cars restart in the outside lane, while any lapped cars restart to the inside. In addition, a yellow flag during a practice session means cars should go to pits immediately. Red The track is unsafe and there is a situation that requires immediate attention. Cars must go to a designated location and stop. This flag is usually waved in cases of heavy precipitation, an accident which requires immediate medical assistance or if the track is blocked. In addition, NASCAR reserves the right to throw a red flag in the closing laps of a rac

Aerodynamics Of Nascar
Aero Push When following another vehicle closely, the airflow off the lead vehicle does not travel across the following one(s) in a normal manner. Therefore, downforce on the front of the trailing vehicle(s) is decreased and it does not turn in the corners as well, resulting in an "aero push." This condition is more apparent on the exit of the turns. Aerodynamic Drag A number that is a coefficient of several factors that indicates how well a race vehicle will travel through the air and how much resistance it offers. Crewmen work to get the best "drag horsepower" rating they can, determining how much horsepower it will take to move a vehicle through the air at a certain mile-per-hour rate. At faster speedways teams strive to get the lowest drag number possible for higher straightaway speeds.

Downforce
Downforce The air pressure traveling over the surfaces of a race vehicle creates "downforce" or weight on that area. In order to increase corner speeds teams strive to create downforce that increases tire grip. The tradeoff for increased corner speeds derived from greater downforce is increased drag that slows straightaway speeds.

Drafting
Draft The aerodynamic effect that allows two or more cars traveling nose-to-tail to run faster than a single car. When one car follows closely, the one in front cuts through the air, providing less resistance for the car in back. Drafting The practice of two or more cars, while racing, to run nose-to-tail, almost touching. The lead car, by displacing the air in front of it, creates a vacuum between its rear end and the nose of the following car, actually pulling the second car

Groove
Groove Slang term for the best route around a racetrack; the most efficient or quickest way around the track for a particular driver. The "high groove" takes a car closer to the outside wall for most of a lap, while the "Low groove" takes a car closer to the apron than the outside wall. Road racers use the term "line." Drivers search for a fast groove, and that has been known to change depending on track and weather conditions.

Loose
Loose (Also referred to as "free" or "oversteer.") A condition created when the back end of the vehicle wants to overtake the front end when it is either entering or exiting a turn. In qualifying mode teams walk a fine line creating a setup that "frees the vehicle up" as much as possible without causing the driver to lose control.

Marbles
Marbles (Also referred to as "loose stuff.") Bits of rubber that have been shaved off tires and dirt and gravel blown to the outside of a corner by the wind created by passing vehicles comprise the "marbles" that are often blamed by drivers for causing them to lose control.

Pit Road
Pit Road The area where pit crews service the cars. Generally located along the front straightaway, but because of space limitations, some racetracks sport pit roads on the front and back straightaways. Pit Stall The area along pit road that is designated for a particular team's use during pit stops. Each car stops in the team's stall before being serviced.

Push
Push (Also referred to as "tight" or "understeer.") "Push" is a condition that occurs when the front tires of a vehicle will not turn crisply in a corner. When this condition occurs, the driver must get out of the throttle until the front tires grip the race track again.

Restrictor Plate
Restrictor Plate An aluminum plate that is placed between the base of the carburetor and the engine's intake manifold with four holes drilled in it. The plate is designed to reduce the flow of air and fuel into the engine's combustion chamber, thereby decreasing horsepower and speed.

Spoiler
Spoiler (Also referred to as a "blade.") The spoiler is a strip of aluminum that stretches across the width of a race vehicle's rear decklid. It is designed to create downforce on the rear of the vehicle, thereby increasing traction. However, the tradeoff, again, is that more downforce equals more aerodynamic drag, so teams attempt, particularly on qualifying runs, to lay the spoiler at as low an angle as possible to "free up" their vehicles for more straightaway speed.

Track Bar
Track Bar (Also referred to as a "Panhard bar.") This bar locates the vehicle's rear end housing from left-to-right under it. In calibrating the vehicle's "suspension geometry," raising or lowering the track bar changes the rear roll center and determines how well it will travel through the corners. During races, this adjustment is done through the rear window using an extended ratchet. Typically, lowering the track bar will "tighten" the vehicle and raising the track bar will "loosen" it.

Pure Love
I know a love Few ever find A spiritual love A love that is mine. He is truly an angel God's gift to me A sensitive soul I will cherish always. I have yet to look into his eyes though when I do, I haven't a doubt in this world These feelings are true. Such a warm tender heart. The most beautiful of men. He shares the same dreams and desires as I. Still . . . So out of reach, Yet, So very close. Forever in my heart and mind- - Sharing one soul for eternity.

To Speak Your Heart
She saw no justice in love that waits, a darkness of unforseen circumstances, chains bind in shackles; a heart that breaks. where romance is stemmed in leap tides, complications lay around corners, she believed- love was still there. a man who held her, between his hands, before his promises were ever kept. a tightening of lungs- shortness of breath, her answer to fate; a childish impatience, being left alone his gift to her remaining unopened. he can only reply as silence allows, with an arrow almost missing its mark, furiously tying up the loose ends, tie up pink bows, present them to pouting lips, of longing and expectancy. both are the candle, burning vicariously at both ends, she fears it will snuff out; he- wants all of her endless possibilities of love- and she would lay it, at his door- in tempered knocks, the plans of a woman who found forever overrated, saw 'now' as good as it could be, while knowing she had his hear

Sex On The Back Seat
A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself." While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat. He asks the guy "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll take over for me." The guy does and is just getting in the high numbers when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks "What're you doing in there?" The guy says "I'm making love to my wife." The cop asks "Why don't you do that at home?" The guy answers "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined the light on her."

Obscene Caller
Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action." "Listen Honey," drawled the lady, "If you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested."

Peter Bob.
There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how there lives sucked. The cucumber "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad." The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar." The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!."

Pack Of Condoms
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to burst. The chemist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns. "So did you follow him?" "I did." "And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."

Lollipop Salesman
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik. Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

How A Man Makes Love
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me." "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either." Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?" John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."

60 Things Not To Say
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a night crawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger. 13. It's ok, we'll work around it. 14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim? 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 17. Oh no, a flash headache. 18. (giggle and point) 19. Can I be honest with you? 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 21. Let me go get my tweezers. 22. How sweet, you brought incense. 23. This explains your car. 24. You must be a growing boy. 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 27. Are you one of those pygmies? 28. Have

Bad Doctor
A beautfiul woman walks into a doctors office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window. He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs. He says "Do you know what I am doing?" She replies "Yes, checking for abnormalities." He tells her to take off her shrit and bra and he starts rubbing her breats. He says "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies "Yes, checking for lumps and cancer." Finally, he tells he takes off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her, and starts having sex with her. He says "Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies "Yes, getting herpies. That's why I am here."

Act I-scarred.
Act I: Scarred. Drowning in his godlessness Faith leaving him in every bead of sweat Over-whelming feeling Plummeting A feeling he’s had before Unbalanced Drifting in and out of consciousness In and out of the light Blurred but so clear Jaded is he Cathartic breath Eyes fixed Cold pulse But still so heated She Breathes… Colors bleeding Dull – then sharp And back again Blood rising Surreal Artistic Chaotic Sound escapes him Time no longer matters Drawn into the moment She Hurts… Infinity unbound Cleansed – purified Soiled in his wake Blinded Grays and greens Possessed Pleasure in pain Control unleashed Bathing in eternity Scarred She Cries… All is fading away Erupting inside Rebirth Cold flesh Cold breath Angels weeping Pride sweeps his face Eyes devoid Mind succumbed Dematerialized The cycle renewed He Breathes… He Hurts… He Cries… He Breathes Again…

For Lexophiles
Plays on words... 1. A bicycle can't stand-alone; it is two tired. 2. A will is a dead giveaway. 3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 7. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. 8. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 9. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 10. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. 13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under. 15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 16. A calendar's days are numbered. 17. A lot of mo

Everyday Romance
You all might laugh at me know,because what you're about to read should probably not come from a Man (WE ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SO TOUGH AND STRONG)but I can't help it, I'm a romantic,and this is, in my believes, how a man should treat his lady,"like a queen". *********************************** Who doesn’t love to receive a nice, heartfelt greeting card ? Now, how about picking up a card,or send an e-card to her inbox that says, “I love you” on just a regular day. Not Valentines Day, not a birthday, but because you remembered to stop and pick up a card! “I love you” on a stack of little post-it notes and hide them all over the house in clever places. Perhaps, in places that will not be seen for months to come, such as the sock drawer, the bottom of the vitamin container, in a purse or inside the medicine cabinet. It is fun to find these notes! Take my word for it. Touching is good! My favorite. The human touch is a healer. As often as you can remember, place your hand on her knee,

We All Need A Good Laugh Once In A While
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well nev

Do You Know The Difference Between A Man And A Woman ??
Here are some examples of the differences. *********************************** Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

What Dreams Are Made Of.....
We'll do it all Everything On our own We don't need Anything Or anyone If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? I don't quite know How to say How I feel Those three words Are said too much And not enough Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life Let's waste time just looking at stars and holding on tight I need your grace To remind me To find my own Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see I don't know where Confused about how as well Just know that these things will never change for us at all If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Vacation Bb
2 1/2 days until I get some time off. A couple of weeks after that I have a system upgrade soft & hard to do. So... you best believe I am going to enjoy this coming week. Hmmmm... maybe even some drunken blogging :P~

New Rules For Employment
Sickness and related leave: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Bereavement leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done. Your own death: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacemen

Love Is Madness. Love Is Pain.
Love is madness. Love is pain. Love is power; powerful love that empowers you. Powerful Love that makes you Powerless. Two and a half years ago, he drew a line across my life. And now, I draw sustenance from it...though it scarred my flesh and drew blood when he first traced it lightly with his smile across my life. Today the wound is healed (at least to the eyes it seems). Beneath the scar though, the hurt still throbs new - yet I, perverse in Love draw fresh sustenance from the pain. No wonder I laugh when he say jokingly, that one day...someday he'll hurt me till I ache. Now, don't try to reason out what has been said so far. I know it might make no sense but how does one begin to define something as mysterious as Love especially when you know it has the least to do with reason. Love is funny.

This Is The Kind Of Day When...
This is the kind of day when I will sit in the dark. This is the kind of day when I will talk to myself. This is the kind of day when I will look out of the window. This is the kind of day when I will see myself. This is the kind of day when I'll leave home without my key. This is the kind of day when I won't turn back. This is the kind of day when I'll do everything backwards. This is the kind of day when I'll be me, and only me. This is the kind of day when I will walk in front of traffic. This is the kind of day when I won't listen to advice. This is the kind of day when I will drink too much coffee. This is the kind of day when I won't eat anything. This is the kind of day when I will walk and walk. This is the kind of day when I won't do anything. This is the kind of day when I won't get dressed. This is the kind of day when I won't go to bed. This is the kind of day when I will spend too much money. This is the kind of day when I will buy shit. This is the kind

Break Your Way Out Of The Screen
Are you real? Am I talking to a real person? Do you exist and function within the world? Prove it to me if you do. Stop smiling and averting your eyes. Get up. Walk over to me. Come here. Sit in front of me. Look at me. Be with me. Say something to me with your eyes. Confirm it with your voice. Say something else with your smile. Confirm it with your hands. Speak to me. Touch me. Be with me. Here. I won't run away if you frighten me. I know you're not a ghost. You're real. Aren't you? You are real; just not when you're with me. You are plasma and glass before me. You are paper and celluloid. But in order for that intangible vision to appear in my room, light had to deflect off an actual being once, so that its image could be captured. Kept. Exchanged. A single vision of actuality reduced to an immeasurable amount of different realities - reality being entirely in the mind, and different in all the minds of those who see you. What are you like this, when yo

Seeing & Shivering
I'm cold. I'm becoming like the stone of the Elmhirst Memorial where I sit, writing in the rain. Through the mist, interlaced with crimson and orange confetti falling from the trees, I tell myself I see someone. He's not surprised to see me. He knew I would be here. He knew even before he knew me; he knew I would be here. I ask him 'Are you as warm as you look, or as cold as I feel?' He doesn't answer; he just comes and sits beside me. We shiver together. We watch together. We want together - all the things we can't have.

A Viridian Ocean
Oh, if only you could listen and would listen. I wonder how much you would hear. Stretched out before my tired demeanour is a viridian ocean, and its dark waters are lapping over me, hungrily. It's pouring itself into my eyes and I'm happy, allowing my vision to be drowned in this way. In fact I'm euphoric. This is the 'in-between' place I've been learning about. The shoreline is made up entirely of black nothingness; framing a luminous floating sea. I'm somewhere amid this liquid space; simultaneously cradled by the tide and beaten by the waves. This is how I wanted it to be. I wanted to suffer while I bathed in glory. But if only you could look; and would look. I wonder how much you would see.

An Elemental Boudoir
With a fevered body and a molten heart, I inhabit my own elemental boudoir. I see it: a strange vision. The landscape is scorched and entirely carpeted with ash and soot from the constant forest fires and the rivers of lava which never cool enough to set. There’s no sun, no daylight, just the deep blood-red glow of a rich observing moon. The sky is heavy and brooding. It’s heavy with passion. My heart has become a world of its own and I’m crawling naked through its earth. I want to be covered in it. But I don’t want to be the only one writhing around on this carpet of soot. I’m on my hands and knees, burning. I’m looking into the woods in the distance - a colossal black forest of smouldering bare trees. I’m hoping to see something moving in the shadows - a wild creature with penetrating eyes that’s going to come and ravage my body and consume my soul. He’s going to murder me with his eyes and fuck me back to life. If I don’t see him, lurking in the blackness, I’m going

"monsters And The Weak"
"Monsters and the Weak" The sun beat like a hammer, not a cloud was in the sky. The mid-day air ran thick with dust; my throat was parched and dry. With microphone clutched tight in hand and cameraman in tow, I ducked beneath a fallen roof, surprised to hear "stay low." My eyes blinked several times before in shadow I could see, the figure stretched across the rubble, steps away from me. He wore a cloak of burlap strips, all shades of grey and brown, that hung in tatters till he seemed to melt into the ground. He never turned his head or took his eye from off the scope, but pointed through the broken wall and down the rocky slope. "About eight hundred yards," he said, his whispered words concise, "beneath the baggy jacket he is wearing a device." A chill ran up my spine despite the swelter of the heat, "You think he's gonna set it off along the crowded street?" The sniper gave a weary sigh and said "I wouldn't doubt it," "unless there's something

Finally... After 4 Months...
Introduction to ME... I weighed 482 pounds when I took that picture you've been rating... That is my before pic. I have been waiting for weightloss surgery (RYG Bypass) since March 17th! My insurance company finally approved me, I guess they are sick of paying all my doctor bills... Since my picture I have lost 70+ pounds without surgery. I won't post another pic here until after they cut me... Like I said to some of my friends here -- I am a work in progress. I will try to get some gross stuff -- NSFW stuff- Like during my surgery, just KUZ I'd like you all to know me from the inside, out! I am waiting for the surgical scheduler to call me now- then I will head to the HOSPITAL. I'll have more later. Now I am OUT! LATES! MARK

Horny
Now that the divorce is over and down with, I've become horny as hell. It's like my sex drive came back 200%. Now when out I'm out in public I can stop getting hard-ons. It's like being in high school again. All I see are tits and asses everywhere. It's driving me nuts.

Let's Think About It Ladies...teasing
Alot of ladies REALLY think teasing is sexy. And maybe, to SOME degree...it is. But think about this. If some handsome guy walked past you doped in cologne, dressed to kill, grabbing every woman's attention he passes...and you swoon at the fact his confidence kills the small dick men watching him...lol...and he sits down, orders a beer, and happens to glance your direction. Now there is a reason you came to the bar alone anyway...you sad, pathetic organism you...with no bf in your life, as you think to your Hollywood mindset:"Oh...my..GOD! This guy is so like totally hot! I hope he comes overrrrrrrrrr!" So your Jennifer Lopez moment passes and wadda ya know? He comes over to you!!! Well, I don't know if the blouse showing about 75% of your tits and high skirt that barely covers the slit in your vagina helped your cause...but at any rate, he's made it to your side of the bar. No, your estrogen level hits the roof so fast that memories of the movie Backdraft come to mind

Searching
everybody's looking for tha something...that makes 8 all complete,you find 8 in the strangest places...places you never know 8 could be,some find 8 in the face of there children,some find 8 in there lover's voice,who can deny the joy 8 brings when you found that special thing your flying with out wings...GOd bless!!!

Tell Your Love How You Feel Them
Always tell someone how you feel...mean with you say and say what you mean...even when its hard...coz opportunities are lost in blink of an eye and regrets can last a lifetime...GOd bless!!!

Driven In Life
THE PURPOSE IN DRIVEN IN LIFE: ---Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now-unless you hold on to the pain through resentment....your past is past,nothing will change it...you are only hurting yourself with your bitterness...for your own sake,learn from it and then let it go...God bless!!!

Jarrod
I will not be around here for two weeks. I am takeing my vacation at Atlantic City New Jersey. I won't be leaving tell sunday night the reason I'm doing this is because it's my birthday Tuesday which is the 14th.

Every One Should Get The Day Off Sept 11th
EVERYBODY, STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL ON SEPTEMBER 11TH... NO MATTER WHAT SCHOOL YOU GO TO, WHAT STATE YOU LIVE IN, THINK ABOUT IT... TEACHERS SHOW UP AND NOBODY IS IN CLASS... THEN THEY'LL LEAVE... TELL A LOT OF PEOPLE AND LETS SEE IF WE CAN MAKE IT ON NEWS... WHY SEPTEMBER 11TH? CAUSE ITS A DAY WE SHOULD NOT BE IN SCHOOL BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED.. WE GET SCHOOL OFF FOR A BUNCH OF DEAD PRESIDENTS BUT WE DON'T GET SCHOOL OFF FOR A MASS MURDER OF PEOPLE WE PROBABLY KNEW? AND ALL THE AMAZING FIRE FIGHTERS THAT DIED FOR THIS COUNTRY!! ... JUST KEEP REPOSTING AND TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW...NO SCHOOL SEPT. 11TH REPOST THIS AS "NO SCHOOL SEPTEMBER 11" p.s. even if you have already posted this post it again AROUND PASS IT

Poem!
"I love you!!" When you lay her down in "our" bed tonight.. I hope you know that I love you.... When you kiss her softly "goodnight" ... I hope you know that I love you... When you hold her tight like you once held me.. I hope you know that I love you... When I cut myself to make sure I am still alive... I hope you know that I still love you... When I feel the pain deep inside... I hope you know that I still love you... When I cry at night and don't have a reason why.. I hope you know that I still love you... When I end my life and say "goodbye".. I hope you know that I loved you... Written by Trish

Poem!
"Alone" I am a Fallen Angel forever cursed to walk alone in eternal darkness.... I feel alone without you and even more alone when I am with you.. I feel as though I can't breath when your away, but it hurts too much to breath with you here... I love you and want you, but can't bare to live with you.... I ache for your soft touch... I miss your tender kisses... But I can't think about them now cause the pain shall return... The pain in deep inside of me clawing it's way out.. It tears at my lungs and rips at my heart... I shall miss you always ... ((Cries)) **Dedicated to my Cold-Hearted Ex-Fiancee** Written by Trish

Poem!
I HATE!!! I hate the way I cry for you .. I hate the way I care.. I hate the way you treat me.. I hate the way you kiss me... I hate the way you touch me.... I hate the smile on your face.. I hate the look in your eyes.. I hate the saddness that you cause... I hate the endless tears I cry every night.. I hate the way you tug on my heart like you are playing with a puppet.. I hate the way you said "Good-bye"... I hate the way you .. Oh forget it..... I hate the way I endlessly love you..... Written By Trish

Poem!
"Love" Love is not just a word. Love is not a color, a phrase, or even a definition. Love can't be explained in words or meanings. Love is not a number because you couldn't count high enough within your lifetime. Love is a feeling between two people who care about one another so much that they can't explain it in words, or phrases, definitions, colors, numbers, or even shapes. Love can be a touch, a look, a smile, a sigh, a vow, a rose, or even a answer. Love is how I feel and what I feel when I am with you. Love is your smile, your laugh, your touch, your sigh, its how I feel everytime I think of us together forever. Written by Trish

Poem!
"Set free" "If you love something set it free, if its yours it will come back to you, but if its not or if it never was yours then it won't be coming back"(not sure who wrote this but I was always told this) I guess if this is true then you were never mine because I'm still here waiting and loving you but you have never returned to my embrace. I love you so I'll set you free, I just hope oneday you could love someone just as I have loved you. If I had one wish, I would have taken everyday I had with you back and do it all again and again. Even the bad ones, my love. I love you and always will and maybe someday the love of the lord will unite us once again and you will be with me forever, but until that day, Farwell my sweet love. Written by Trish

Poem!
"Sadness" I lie down on my bed and the memories crowd in my mind and overflow. The tears fall from my face like a raging river out of control. I raise my hand to my head and feel the cold barrel on my temple. I pray the lord forgives me for all my sins including the one I am about to commit. I pull the trigger and as the lights go out I see your face in my memories one last time. Good-bye, my love. Written By Trish

Poem!
"Memories version 2" Constant memories of us together. Laughing, playing, and staying forever. Your memory seems to never fade. Some memories are strong, like the ones you and I once made. I remember gazing into your gentle eyes. I also remember your neverending lies. Then once again I remember things like your tender kiss. I soon come to realize these are things I will sadly miss. Written By Trish

Poem!
" Your heart through my eyes" Your heart is as black as night. Your heart is as cold as ice. Your heart is as deep as the sea. Your heart is as empty as me. Your heart is as free as a bird. Your heart is a song with no words. Your heart is as hard as a rock. Your heart is a lock with no key. Your heart is empty but free. Written By Trish

Poem!
"Fuck You" My heart is breaking but you don't care... I hope she was worth it ... I hope she was good... I hope she satisfied you, because I never could... I hope it ripped your heart from your chest, when I walked out the door... I hope your soul has become as empty as mine is... I hope she crushed your hopes and dreams as you have crushed mine... Don't you dare say "I'm Sorry" or "I love you " one more time.... I got two words just for you... "FUCK!!!" "YOU!!!" Written By Trish

Another Quiz..
You prefer Rough sex! You like it ROUGH. Hard, great, wonderful slamming sex is your type of sex. More the product of lust than love - and utterly horny - rough sex is what satisfies you. 'What is the best type of sex for you?' at QuizUniverse.com

Update 2
Had CT Scan on monday, will find out results friday. They are starting the processes on friday also starting with pulling 6 teeth, 1 on the left and 5 on the right than they will be able to proceed from there. Pain Killers here I come lol... will keep ya'll posted.

Firefighter Down
Firefighter Down The tones go out In the middle of the night. The firefighter responds Theres a fire to fight. The apparatus rolls As the crew gets ready The Officers on the radio. The driver holds it steady. As the truck draws near Black smoke rolls into sight, The firefighters are ready To battle the orange light. The flames are growing. They find the occupants are out. The hose lines are charged. This is what its all about. Two firefighters go in To battle the flame. Something doesnt feel right, They both feel the same. The creaking is now loud, They turn to retreat. The roof crashes in The sound is deafening in the street. Other firefighters are trying To clear through the rubble. They know two of their own Are in grave trouble. At last one calls out, One firefighter found! The digging begins To get him unbound. He asks for his partner As they pull him free. They tell him theyre looking, And then they finally see. His partne

I Am......
i am... Ima safety net in your world. Im what you need before everything crashes down upon you. Im the security blanket in your reckless world. I am what i am you are what you are there is no changing this. I see the light at the end of the tunnel you live in darkness. I have hope luck faith and karma guiding me while your lost needing to be found. I am me you are you enough said! rjbjr 8-07

Karmaisms.....
You cant escape your past just got to move on and try not to make the same mistakes again in which you've made before. For me ive made a lot thus I deal with it in ways no one can understand.. Karma is a bitch n when she strikes she has no remorse n kills off everything u thought u had. Don't think too far ahead in life cause what you see in the future isn't gonna happen and theres no reason to get your hopes up over nothing happening. Life is a cruel place filled with hatred love fear and pain in which everyone experiences in one way shape or form and theres no escaping it just take in stride and deal with it. Somedays you get hit in the face others you get kicked in the balls but you get up walk it off and do it all over again. Welcome to the rollercoaster in which I call my life. Sit back relax and enjoy the twists the turns the falls and the rise of myself. What hasn't killed me has made me stronger but the scars in whic

Jokies
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex? A. Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole weak. Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you. Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? A. Spitting, swallowing, and gargling Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jeweler. Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb. Q. When is a pixie not a pixie? A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt then he's a goblin.' Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a "quickie," only you do it yourself. Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving Q. What

Fucking A
So Yeah no one on here knows me or anything but i am gonna go ahead and let you in on a little secrete. Since I have moved to Tennessee, pretty much nothing good has happened. Until of course 3 am on the morning of August the 13th. I was checking my email as i have a habbit of doing before I go to sleep, and checked my favorite bands myspace page. The Foo Fighters, and in the words of the honorable Professor Farnesworth "Good news every one" they are releasing a new album "slated for September 23rd" Shhh shaw. I'm pumped now I have something to look forward to. And an even better reason to get a job. Every other album they ever released I have been working for and was able to purchase like within a month of its release. Except the very first one cause I was like 12 and didn't know how to rock just yet. But boy did they ever show me the way. I remeber working at Mcdonalds and Nothing left to Loose came out. Good times, sorta helped me grow up back then. And now that I have graduated col

Are You Ready To Be A Wife?
You Are Ready to Get Married You've done more than dream about the dress and the honeymoon In fact, you spend a good deal of your time thinking about what makes a relationship work And from your answers, it looks like you have the skills to say "I Do" and mean it You've dated enough, learned your fair share, and you're ready to settle down. Are You Ready To Be A Wife?

Twist And Shout
Well, shake it up baby now Twist and shout Come on, come on, come, come on baby now Come on and work it on out Well work it on out, honey You know you look so good You know you got me goin' now Just like I know you would Well, shake it up baby now Twist and shout Come on, come on, come, come on baby now Come on and work it on out You know you twist, little girl You know you twist so fine Come on and twist a little closer now And let me know that you're mine, woo Ah, ah, ah, ah Yeah, shake it up baby now Twist and shout Come on, come on, come, come on baby now Come on and work it on out You know you twist, little girl You know you twist so fine Come on and twist a little closer now And let me know that you're mine Well shake it, shake it, shake it, baby now Well shake it, shake it, shake it, baby now Well shake it, shake it, shake it, baby now Ah, ah, ah, ah

Love Me Do
Love, love me do You know I love you I'll always be true so please, love me do oh, love me do Love, love me do You know I love you I'll always be true so please, love me do oh, love me do Someone to love Somebody new Someone to love Someone like you Love, love me do You know I love you I'll always be true so please, love me do oh, love me do Love, love me do You know I love you I'll always be true so please, love me do oh, love me do Yeah, love me do Oh, love me do

P.s I Love You
As I write this letter Send my love to you Remember that I'll always Be in love with you Treasure these few words Till we're together Keep all my love forever P.S. I love you you, you, you I'll be comin' home again to you, love Until the day I do love P.S. I love you you, you, you As I write this letter Send my love to you (you know I want you to) Remember that I'll always Be in love with you (yeah) Treasure these few words Till we're together Keep all my love forever P.S. I love you you, you, you As I write this letter Send my love to you (you know I want you to) Remember that I'll always Be in love with you (yeah) I'll be comin' home again to you, love Until the day I do love P.S. I love you you, you, you you, you, you I love you

Do You Want To Know A Secret
You never know how much I really love you You'll never know how much I really care Listen, do you want to know a secret Do you promise not to tell, woh, woh, woh Closer, let me whisper in your ear Say the words you long to hear I'm in love with you, oo Listen, do you want to know a secret Do you promise not to tell, woh, woh, woh Closer, let me whisper in your ear Say the words you long to hear I'm in love with you, oo I've known a secret for a week or two Nobody knows just we two Listen, do you want to know a secret Do you promise not to tell, woh, woh, woh Closer, let me whisper in your ear Say the words you long to hear I'm in love with you, oo, oo

You're Gonna Lose That Girl
You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose that girl If you don't take her out tonight she's going to change her mind And I will take her out tonight And I will treat her kind You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose that girl If you don't treat her right, my friend You're going to find her gone 'Cause I will treat her right and then You'll be the lonely one You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose I'll make a point of taking her away from you Yeah, the way you treat her, what else can I do You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose I'll make a point of taking her away from you Yeah, the way you treat her, what else can I do If you don't take her out tonight she's going to change her mind And I will take her out tonight And I will treat her kind You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose that girl You're going to lose that girl

Ticket To Ride
think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, Yeah The girl that's driving me mad is going away She's got a ticket to ride She's got a ticket to ride She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care She said that living with me is bringing her down, yeah For she would never be free when I was around She's got a ticket to ride She's got a ticket to ride She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care I don't know why she's riding so high She ought to think right She ought to do right by me Before she gets to saying goodbye She ought to think right She ought to do right by me I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, Yeah The girl that's driving me mad is going away, yeah, oh She's got a ticket to ride She's got a ticket to ride She's got a ticket to ride but she don't care I don't know why she's riding so high She ought to think right She ought to do right by me Before she gets to saying goodbye She ought to think right She ought to do right by me Sh

Yesterday
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away Now it look as though they're here to stay Oh, I believe in yesterday Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be There's a shadow hanging over me oh, yesterday came suddenly Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play Now I need a place to hide away oh, I believe in yesterday Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play Now I need a place to hide away oh, I believe in yesterday, Mm

I Want To Hold Your Hand
I'll tell you something I think you'll understand When I say that something I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand Oh please say to me you'll let me be your man and please say to me you'll let me hold your hand Now, let me hold your hand I want to hold your hand And when I touch you I feel happy inside It's such a feeling that my love I can't hide I can't hide I can't hide Yeah, you got that something I think you'll understand When I say that something I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand And when I touch you I feel happy inside It's such a feeling that my love I can't hide I can't hide I can't hide Yeah, you got that something I think you'll understand When I say that something I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand

Cant Buy Me Love
Can't buy me love, love Can't buy me love I'll buy you a diamond ring my friend If it makes you feel all right I'll get you anything my friend If it makes you feel all right 'Cause I don't care too much for money For money can't buy me love I'll give you all I've got to give If you say you love me too I may not have a lot to give but what I've got I'll give to you For I don't care too much for money For money can't buy me love Can't buy me love Everybody tells me so Can't buy me love No, no, no, no Say you don't need no diamond ring And I'll be satisfied Tell me that you want those kind of things that money just can't buy For I don't care too much for money For money can't buy me love Can't buy me love Everybody tells me so Can't buy me love No, no, no, no Say you don't need no diamond ring And I'll be satisfied Tell me that you want those kind of things that money just can't buy For I don't care too much for money For money can't buy me lov

I Feel Fine
Baby's good to me you know She's happy as can be, you know She said so I'm in love with her and I feel fine Baby says she's mine, you know she tells me all the time, you now She said so I'm in love with her and I feel fine I'm so glad that she's my little girls She's so glad she's telling all the world That her baby buys her things you know He buys her diamond rings, you know She said so She's in love with me and I feel fine, mm Baby says she's mine, you know she tells me all the time, you now She said so I'm in love with her and I feel fine I'm so glad that she's my little girls She's so glad she's telling all the world That her baby buys her things you know He buys her diamond rings, you know She said so She's in love with me and I feel fine She's in love with me and I feel fine, mm

Eight Days A Week
Ooo I need your love, babe guess you know it's true Hope you need my love babe just like I need you Hold me, love me, hold me, love me I ain't got nothing but love, babe Eight days a week Love you every day, girl always on my mind One think I can say, girl love you all the time Hold me, love me, hold me, love me I ain't got nothing but love, girl Eight days a week Eight days a week I love you Eight days a week is not enough to show I care Ooo I need your love, babe guess you know it's true Hope you need my love babe just like I need you Hold me, love me, hold me, love me I ain't got nothing but love, babe Eight days a week Love you every day, girl always on my mind One think I can say girl love you all the time Hold me, love me, hold me, love me I ain't got nothing but love, babe Eight days a week Eight days a week Eight days a week

Day Tripper
Got a good reason for taking the easy way out Got a good reason for taking the easy way out now She was a day tripper One way ticket, yeah It took me so long to find out and I found out She's a big teaser She took me half the way there She's a big teaser She took me half the way there, now She was a day tripper One way ticket, yeah It took me so long to find out and I found out Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Tried to please her She only played one night stand Tried to please her She only played one night stand, now She was a day tripper One way ticket, yeah It took me so long to find out and I found out Day tripper, day tripper, yeah

We Can Work It Out
Try to see it my way Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on While you see it your way Run the risk of knowing that or love may soon be gone We can work it out We can work it out Think of what you're saying You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right Think of what I'm saying We can work it out and get it straight or say good night We can work it out We can work it out Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend I have always thought that it's a crime So I will ask you once again Try to see it my way Only time will tell of I am right or I am wrong While you see it your There's a chance we might fall apart before too long We can work it out We can work it out Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend I have always thought that it's a crime So I will ask you once again Think of what you're saying You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right Think o

Paperback Writer
Paperback writer Dear Sir or Madam will you read my book It took me years to write, will you take a look based on a novel by a man named Lear and I need a job so I want to be a paperback writer Paperback writer It's the dirty story of a dirty man and his clinging wife doesn't understand His son is working for the Daily Mail It's a steady job But he want to be a paperback writer Paperback writer Paperback writer It's a thousand pages, give or take a few I'll be writing more in a week or two I can make it longer if you like the style I can change it 'round and I want to be a paperback writer Paperback writer If you really like it you can have the rights It could make a million for you overnight If you must return if you can send it here But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer Paperback writer Paperback writer Paperback writer Paperback writer

Penny Lane
Penny Lane there is a barber showing photographs of every head he's had the pleasure to know And all the people that come and go stop to say hello On the corner is a banker with a motor car the little children laugh at him behind his back And the banker never wears a "mac" in the pouring rain Very strange Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes Wet beneath the blue suburban skies I sit and meanwhile back in Penny Lane there is a fireman with an hourglass And in his pocket is a portrait of the Queen He likes to keep his fire engine clean It's clean machine Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes Full of fish and finger pies in summer meanwhile back Behind the shelter in the middle of the roundabout A pretty nurse is selling poppies from a tray And though she feels as if she's in a play She is anyway Penny Lane, the barber shaves another customer We see the banker sitting waiting for a trim And then the fireman rushes in from the pouring rain very strange

All You Need Is Love
Love, love, love Love, love, love Love, love, love There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy There's nothing you can make that can't me made No one you can save that can't be saved Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time It's easy All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need Love, love, love Love, love, love Love, love, love All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need There's nothing you can know that isn't known Nothing you can see that isn't shown No where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be It's easy All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love Love is all you need Love is all you need That

Hello Goodbye
You say yes, I say no You say stop and I say go, go, go Oh, no You say goodbye and I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello I say high, you say low You say why, and I say I don't know Oh, no You say goodbye and I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello Why, why, why, why, why, why Do you say good bye Goodbye, bye, bye, bye, bye Oh, no You say goodbye and I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello Hello Hela, heba helloa Hela, heba helloa

Come Together
Here come old flat top He come groovin' up slowly He got jew jew eyeballs He want holy rollers He got hair down to his knees Got to be a joker He just do what he please He wear no shoeshine He got toe jam football He got monkey finger He shoot Coca Cola He say I know you, you know me One thing I can tell you is You got to be free Come together, right now Over me He bag production He got walrus gumboot He got Ono sideboard He one spinal cracker He got feet down below his knees Hold you in his armchair You can feel his disease Come together, right now Over me He roller coaster He got early warning He got muddy water He one Mojo filter He say one and one and one is three Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see Come together right now Over me Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come together, yeah Come toget

Let It Be
When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom Let it be And in my hour of darkness She is standing right it front of me Speaking words of wisdom Let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be And when the broken hearted people Living in the world agree There will be an answer Let it be For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see There will be an answer Let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be yeah, there will be an answer Let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom Let it be And when the night is cloudy There is still a light that shines on me Shine until tomorrow Let it be I wake up to the sound of music Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom Let it be Let it be, let it be Let it be, let it be The

All My Loving
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you Tomorrow I'll miss you Remember I'll always be true And then while I'm away I'll write home every day And I'll send all my loving to you I'll pretend that I'm kissing The lips I am missing And hope that my dreams will come true And then while I'm away I'll write home every day And I'll send all my loving to you All my loving, I will send to you All my loving, darling I'll be true Close your eyes and I'll kiss you Tomorrow I'll miss you Remember I'll always be true And then while I'm away I'll write home every day And I'll send all my loving to you All my loving, I will send to you All my loving, darling I'll be true All my loving, All my loving Woo, all my loving, I will send to you

Mr Postman
Oh yes, wait just a minute mister postman Wait, wait mister postman (Mister postman look and see) oh yeah (If there's a letter in the bag for me) Please mister postman (I've been waiting a long long time)oh, yeah (Since I heard from that gal of mine) There must be some mail today From my girlfriend so far away Please mister postman look and see If there's a letter, a letter for me I've been standing here waiting Mister Postman So patiently for just a card or just a letter Saying she's returning home to me Please Mister Postman (Mister postman look and see) oh yeah (If there's a letter in the bag for me)Please mister postman (I've been waiting a long long time)oh, yeah (Since I heard from that gal of mine) So many days you past me by See the tears standing in my eye You didn't stop to make me feel better By leaving me a card or letter Mister Postman, look and see Is there a letter, yeah, for me I've been waiting such a long long time Since I heard fr

Roll Over Beethoven
Well gonna write a little letter Gonna mail it to my local D.J. It's a rockin' little record I want my jockey to play Roll over Beethoven I gotta hear it again today You know my temperature's risin' and the jukebox's blowin' a fuse My hearts beatin' rhythm and my soul keeps singing the blues Roll over Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news I got a rockin' pneumonia I need a shot of rhythm and blues I think I got it off the writer sittin' down by the rhythm review Roll over Beethoven we're rockin' in two by two Well if you fell you like it Well get your lover and reel and rock it roll it over and move on up just jump around and reel and rock it roll it over Roll over Beethoven a rockin' in two by two , oh Well early in the mornin' I'm a givin' you the warnin' Don't you step on my blue suede showes Hey little little gonna play my fiddle Ain't got nothing to lose Roll over Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news You know she winks like a glow wo

This Boy
That boy took my love away Oh, he'll regret it some day But this boy wants you back again That boy isn't good for you Though he may want you too This boy wants you back again Oh, and this boy would be happy Just to love you, but oh, my, oh That boy won't be happy till he's seen you cry This boy wouldn't mind the pain Would always feel the same If this boy gets you back again This boy, this boy...

Long Tall Sally
I'm gonna tell Aunt Mary 'bout Uncle John he said he had the misery but he got a lot of fun Baby, yeah now baby Woo baby, some fun tonight I saw Uncle John with Long Tall Sally he saw Aunt Mary comin' and he ducked back in the alley Oh, baby, yeah now baby Woo baby, some fun tonight Well Long Tall Sally's built pretty sweet She got everything that Uncle John need Baby, yeah now baby Woo baby, some fun tonight Well, we're gonna have some fun tonight have some fun tonight Everything's all right have some fun tonight have some fun yeah, yeah, yeah, We're gonna have some fun tonight have some fun tonight Everything's all right have some fun tonight Yeah, we'll have some fun some fun tonight

Drive My Car
Asked a girl what she wanted to be She said "baby can't you see I wanna be famous, a star of the screen But you do something in between" "Baby, you can drive my car yes, I'm gonna be a star Baby you can drive my car And maybe I'll love you" I told that girl that my prospects were good And she said "baby it's understood Working for peanuts is all very fine But I can show you a better time" "Baby, you can drive my car yes, I'm gonna be a star Baby you can drive my car And maybe I'll love you" Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah "Baby, you can drive my car yes, I'm gonna be a star Baby you can drive my car And maybe I'll love you" br> I told that girl I could start right away And she said "listen baby I've got something to say I got no car and it's breaking my heart But I've found a driver and that's a start" "Baby, you can drive my car yes, I'm gonna be a star Baby you can drive my car And maybe I'll love you" Beep beep mm beep beep, yeah Beep beep mm bee

Norwedian Wood
I once had a girl Or should I say she once had me She showed me her room Isn't it good Norwegian wood? She asked me to stay And she told me to sit anywhere So I looked around And I noticed there wasn't a chair I sat on a rug biding my time drinking her wine We talked until two and then she said "it's time for bed" She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh I told her I didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath And when I awoke I was alone This bird had flown So I lit a fire Isn't it good Norwegian wood?

Nowhere Man
He's a real nowhere man Sitting in his nowhere land Making all his nowhere plans for nobody Doesn't have a point of view knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me? Nowhere man please listen You don't know what you're missing Nowhere man, The world is at your command He's as blind as he can be Just sees what he wants to see Nowhere man, can you see me at all Nowhere man don't worry Take your time, don't hurry Leave it all till somebody else Lends you a hand Ah, la, la, la, la Doesn't have a point of view knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me? Nowhere man please listen You don't know what you're missing Nowhere man, The world is at your command Ah, la, la, la, la He's a real nowhere man Sitting in his nowhere land Making all his nowhere plans for nobody Making all his nowhere plans for nobody Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

In My Life
There are places I remember All my life, though some have changed Some forever not for better Some have gone and some remain All these places had their moments With lovers and friends I still can recall Some are dead and some are living In my life I've loved them all But of all these friends and lovers there is no one compares with you And these memories lose their meaning When I think of love as something new Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life I love you more Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life I love you more In my life I love you more

Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band
t was twenty years ago today Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play They've been going in and out of style But they're guaranteed to raise a smile So may I introduce to you the act you've know for all these years Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band We hope you will enjoy the show Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band Sit back and let the evening go Sgt. Pepper's Lonely, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band It's wonderful to be here It's certainly a thrill You're such a lovely audience We'd like to take you home with us We'd love to take you home I don't really want to stop the show But I thought you might like to know that the singers going to sing a some And he wants you all the sing along So may I introduce to you The one and only Billy Shears Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band

With Alittle Help From My Friends
What would you think if I sang out of tune Would you stand up and walk out on me Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song And I'll try not o sing out of key Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends What do I do when my love is away Does it worry you to be alone? How do I feel by the end of the day Are you sad because you're on your own No, I get by with a little help from my friends Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends Do you need anybody I need somebody to love Could it be anybody I want somebody to love Would you believe in a love at first sight Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time What do you see when you turn out the light I can't tell you but I know it's mine Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends Mm, gonna try

When I'm 64
When I get older losing my hair many years from now will you still be sending me a valentine birthday greeting, bottle of wine If I'd been out till quarter to three would you lock the door Will you still need me Will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four You'll be older too And if you say the word I could stay with you I could be handy mending a fuse when your light have gone You can knit a sweater by the fireside Sunday mornings, go for a ride Doing the garden, digging the weeds Who could ask for more Will you still need me Will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four Every summer we can rent a cottage on the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear We shall scrimp and save Grandchildren on your knee Vera, Chuck, and Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view indicate precisely what you mean to say yours sincerely wasting away Give me your answer fill in a form mine forever more Will you still need me Will you still feed me When I'

A Day In The Life
I read the news today oh, boy About a lucky man who made the grade And though the news was rather sad Well, I just had to laugh I saw the photograph He blew his mind out in a car He didn't notice that the lights had changed A crowd of people stood and stared They'd seen his face before Nobody was really sure if he was from the House of Lords I saw a film today oh, boy The English army had just won the war A crowd of people turned away But I just had to look Having read the book I'd love to turn you on. Woke up, got out of bed dragged a comb across my head Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up, I noticed I was late Found my coat and grabbed my hat Made the bus in seconds flat Found my way upstairs and had a smoke Somebody spoke and I went into a dream Ah I read the news today oh, boy Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire And though the holes were rather small They had to count them all Now they know how many holes it takes

Gooday Sunshine
Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine I need to laugh, and when the sun is out I've got something I can laugh about I feel good, in a special way I'm in love and it's a sunny day Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine We take a walk, the sun is shining down Burns my feet as they touch the ground Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Then we lie beneath a shady tree I love her and she's loving me She feels good, she know she's looking fine I'm so proud to know that she is mine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine Good day sunshine

First Major Gf
Fall of 1984, I was in the US Army... I was dating a girl Barbra, we had been dating for a while when her old flame returned to town. She mentioned that she might meet him just for closure. I trusted her I was in the field when he returned home. I had been gone for two weeks on a field exercise and when I was luck enough to get back early. I showered, headed off the Barbra's house and she was not there. Thought about it a little and figured she was out with some of her friends at a bar (it was close to mid-night). She should be heading home soon. About 2am I had enough, I dwelled on it and told myself Barbra could not be at the guy's house.... Wrong, that's where I found her car, I felt the hood, cold, meant that it had been there a while. Checked his car, same thing. They had to be inside, doing what? Lights off + Late night = SEX? I owned a '70 Toyota Land Cruiser at the time, huge tires, lots of lights, loud pipes. Drove right up across the lawn to the front porch stairs and kn

Adventure Racing A.k.a. “pay Somebody To Beat You” Or “a Really Dumb Bet”
I get this all the time, "What is adventure racing?" My usual response, "Well it's sorta like a triathlon on crack." OK, not much of an explanation. I'll just tell you about a race I did that was held at New River Gorge, West Virginia called "The Endorphin Fix", racers know at the E-Fix. To train for this race I was trail running 40 miles per week, mountain biking 80 miles per week, weights and rope work twice a week, and kayaking once a week. All with a 25 pound pack on. Bare bone skills required to do any real race includes orienteering, mountain biking, rope skills (rappelling, ascending, and traversing), some kind of paddling on water, and being able to REALLY think while calorie, oxygen, and sleep deprived. Oh lets not forget, you have to constantly think 'outside the box'. The average racer is burning between 750 and 850 calories per hour which must be replaced, you must drink 8 ounces of water every 15 minutes just to maintain hydration. So why do it? Simple answ

What You Do Not Do In Front Of A Police Station
OK before the story some background information: My grandfather, Charlie Morse, used to be the chief of police in the town. He was well respected in most circles, feared in others. To this day, ask anyone who is 60 or older about Charlie Morse and they'll say, "Charlie was a good cop, that's when living in this town was good." My grandfather was also known for tossing his weight around too, both within the police force and in other areas of the local government. My cousin Mark and I go way back. When my family returned to the Untied States I was about 3-1/2 years old, couldn't speak a lick of English but from the moment my cousin and I met, there was an unspoken link between us that remains to this day. We were both clever, highly energetic, and became bored easily. Being in a small town with those traits can be a curse. We were mischievous by any use of the term but we were not violent or destructive, and once caught in the act we figured we were caught fair and square. O

Story From High School
When basic training was over I returned back home to complete high school. I was in absolutely great condition. I remember that first day of senior year I decided that instead of taking the bus I would run the 7 miles to school. I got there early and felt great. So while I was waiting for my friends to arrive I started thinking about things I might change my last year in the public school system. For starters, I knew I was a great deal faster, sharper, and in better shape than anyone there. How could I use this? Having a higher than average I.Q. plugged into a 165 pound frame of pure muscle that has a bone to pick. Hmmmmmmm. The buses started arriving and my friend Andy Birdick came to his locker. "Hey Andy" "Hey Kurt, what's up?" "I've been thinking Andy, this year things are going to be a little bit different around here" "Really?" "Oh yea" What I did not realize was how soon I was to get an opportunity to show how things were going to be different. Our first class was g

Geo-political-power In The Land Of Oz
Specific data taken from L. Franks Baun's original book "The Wonderful Land of Oz" (1900). The power and alliance history of Oz has four segments; Pre-Wizard, Pre-Dorothy, Post- WW of East, and Post- WW of West. Pre-Wizard: In the beginning power in the Land of Oz was distributed in a bi-polar fashion; there are the Wicked Witches of the East & West versus the Good Witches of North & South. This balance of power would have remained undisturbed and in parity for as long as the witches chose. Then the first visitor from the outside world, Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmanuel Ambroise Diggs, arrives by hot air balloon bringing an end to the old status quo. This new being ushers in the next phase of history for Oz. Pre-Dorothy: The inhabitances of Oz know that only beings of great power, i.e. the Witches, move by air and since the new arrival is a man assume him to be a powerful wizard. A person can imagine the reaction and fear within the two camps, anot

Who You Going To Call? Mrb
One night I remember getting a call from Final Assembly, the foreman down there, Eric calls me, "You better get down here, lead ship, the customer (a Navy inspector) found something bad." "OK Eric I'm on my way." As I get to the area I pass by John the Navy rep, he just looks at me and shakes his head as he passes by… Almost to the aircraft and I can see the required 4-5 sets of legs sticking out from the main landing gear well. I can hear the "Craps" and "Shits". Just as I walk under the belly of the plane I lay down onto one of those mechanics' dollies, you know, the kind that a car mechanic lays on then rolls under your car with? I push off and roll right into the middle of this gaggle of foremen and lead shop workers. As I lay there I'm trying to figure out what the problem is. They keep saying something about Hi-Loks (a special fastener used on the planes). Something about not having enough of the pin sticking out of the nut, not enough thread protrusion. So I'm there lo

Three Men And The Cannibals
Three men who were lost in the rain forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove all ten pieces of fruit up your butt without any expression on your face or you`ll be killed and eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "What happened?? I was watching from up here, Wh

Funny Jokes!!
Adam And Eve In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes. In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam's, One covered Eve's. As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure, All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's thing, Started to rise. They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest. Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart. The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with passion, Beyond her control. Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure, Was all wet inside. The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until Adam's thing, Was all out of juice. Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you.

Widdle Wabbit
Widdle Wabbit A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

Bad Date
Bad Date Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

Fucking Machine
A man was going away on a trip for work. Before he left he stopped at an Adult Toy store to pick up something for his wife while he was away because she was a sex-aholic. He didnt want her fucking just any guy so when he went into the store he told the clerk his issue. The man said "I have just what you need". He went to the back and brought out a large green box. "This is my little green fucking machine. It never tires and it will "DO" whatever you want it to. Just say "Little Green Fucking Machine", and whatever you want it to fuck and when you are done just say little green fucking machine off. It wont stop til it's off". So the man bought the toy and went home to show his wife. She was very amused and decided to use it no more than 5 minutes after he left. "Little green fucking machine....me". She and the machine went at it for 4 or 5 hours. When she was done she realized she didn't remember the command to turn it off. So she threw it off of her and ran away....bu

A Day At The Vet's
A Day At The Vet's One day a man took his poodle to the veterinarian. As he walked into the waiting room, he noticed a very attractive young woman with her Great Dane. He sits next to her, trying desperately to think of *something* to say to this woman. The best he can come up with is, "That's a big dog." She smiles, and leans over to pat his dog on the head. She turns and says, "Yes, he is. Now, what's wrong with your little dog?" He replies, "Well, he's a male dog, you see. And whenever we have company over, he trys to introduce various bits of himself to their shins. It's become a problem, so I'm here to take care of it." "So, why are you and your really big dog here?" He's really hitting it off with her! "Well, my dog is male too. I have the same problem with him: when I bend over in the kitchen, he jumps up behind me, puts his paws on my shoulders and, well,..." "Oh, yes, I see," the man interrupts. "So you're hear to get him fixed too?" "Oh no,... to get his

Wanking Caveman
Wanking Cavemen There were 2 cavemen, Ug and Og. Ug was sat in his cave wanking (he had just invented it) when Og walked in. "What you doing?" said Og. "Wanking" said Ug. Ug showed Og how to do it and Og left to try it for himself. Later, Ug heard a oud scream from Ogs cave and ran in. Og was sat on the floor with his dick in one hand and a club in the other. "What happened?" asked a curious Ug. No reply. "What happened Og?" After a minute or two Og replied, "when I tried that thing you taught me, it spat at me so I hit it with my club!"

Chalkboard Prank
Chalkboard Prank One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

Pan's Lab
One step to right evolution of the better souls / solider fox hole driven to the verge of the settler old news old ways lets state a new day / dawns in the same hour of existence of the fragments of my brain / and the sky turned to dusk / with the bitter bite of dawn awakening the spirits of the garden and the fawn / and the grass grows greener fertilizer lines are plus forty times the weight of the holy crusher panzer bus / stamped the hopes and the rebellion only fairy tales will save the starving family situation no thanks to armored dragons / and the sun will soon rejoice in the fact the night will sin against the wind and sit smugly on the window sill to catch the battered winged little angel / spreading rumors through vandals / multi-faceted bits of nothing waiting to ignite the fascist / and so its fashioned to the last tidbit of my sanity and a wandering sensibility to awkward silence timing / I live for moments like these / and I die in between / searching for instance where I

What Kind Of Soda Are You?
You Are Dr. Pepper You're very unique and funky, yet you still have a bit of traditionalism to you. People who like you think they have great taste... and they usually do. Your best soda match: Root Beer Stay away from: 7 Up What Kind of Soda Are You?

Survey 1
Body: Are you happy with your given name? sure What is your guaranteed weeping movie? i dont cry What’s a major fear or yours? Spiders Describe your bed. its a bed :P wanna come try it out? What type of character would you play in a movie? the bad guy ahaha the killer :D What do you carry with you at all times? knife, gun.... Do you prefer to stand out or blend in? depends on situation What kind of first impression do you think you give people? shy >.> What is your hidden talent? xD Do you own a Bible? I am Atheist :D Who was the last person who called you? mommy What is the last gift you gave someone? sex lol j/k Does everything happen for a reason? maybe What is your biggest headache lately? somebody Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? can be >.< Have you ever pierced your own body part or that of someone else? No What kind of watch do you wear? hate watches/jewelry What’s one car you will never buy? hmm

???
SO I HAVE AN ALMOST 2 YEAR OLD SO I CAN'T REALLY GO OUT AND GET TRASHED (DOING THAT SATURDAY NIGHT) BUT I'M EXCITED TO FINALLY HAVE NO MORE LIMITATIONS! I had a baby for goodness sakes but I can't have a beer, UNTIL TODAY!!!

Drummers Clash With New Harlem Residents
Drummers clash with new Harlem residents By VERENA DOBNIK, Associated Press Writer Sat Aug 11, 6:19 PM ET NEW YORK - On Saturday nights in summer, hundreds of fingers pound out mesmerizing rhythms on African drums — a ritual repeated for decades in Harlem's Marcus Garvey Park. This year, the drums have a counterpoint: the complaints of "new Harlemites." "African drumming is wonderful for the first four hours, but after that, it's pure, unadulterated noise. We couldn't see straight anymore," says Beth Ross, who lives in a luxury apartment building near the park. "It was like a huge boom box in the living room, the bedroom, the kitchen. You had no way to escape except to leave the apartment." Ross's complaint is just the latest sign of conflict in Harlem, where upscale apartments and hotels are rapidly changing the face of a neighborhood long considered the heart of black culture in America. Central Harlem around Marcus Garvey Park is especially attractive, with its opu

For Santeros, Religious Freedom Is Anything But
For santeros, religious freedom is anything but Posted on Tue, Aug. 14, 2007 BY TERE FIGUERAS NEGRETE AND ELAINE DE VALLE tfigueras@MiamiHerald.com Noriel Batista has had little peace since a swarm of Coral Gables police officers burst onto his property, disrupting a Santeria ritual intended to initiate him into a special order of his religion's priesthood. ''It has ruined my life,'' said Batista, a Cuban-born pharmacy owner who bought the home on Casilla Street nine years ago. Business at his Coral Way pharmacy has suffered, he says. Neighbors expressed outrage that animal sacrifices -- in this case, 11 goats and 44 fowl -- were taking place in the City Beautiful. Shortly after the June incident made the news, Batista received a handwritten note, scrawled in the margins of a Miami Herald article: America has become a dumping ground for trash like you. Go back to Cuba and take your animal sacrifices with you. The incident, which brought television cameras and patro

Because Of You
Because of you my world is now whole, Because of you love lives in my soul. Because of you I have laughter in my eyes, Because of you I am no longer afraid of good-byes. You are my pillar my stone of strength, With me through all seasons and great times of length. My love for you is pure boundless through space and time, it grows stronger everyday with the knowledge that you'll always be mine. At the altar I will joyously say 'I do', for I have it all now and it's all because of you.

Moral Fiber Does Give You Diarea
If the world can control the good people I am in big trouble My Bestest friend is going under a microscope cause she loves her children, There about to make me get VOODOO on there Ass's

Santeros Have Neighbor Problems
Santeros have neighbor problems Throughout Miami-Dade, Santeria practitioners and their middle-class suburban neighbors have not always seen eye to eye. Posted on Tue, Aug. 14, 2007 BY TERE FIGUERAS NEGRETE tfigueras@MiamiHerald.com The clash between Santeria practitioners and their suburban neighbors in Coral Gables is not an isolated incident. Consider: • Last year, a veteran Miami-Dade firefighter was arrested on felony trespassing and animal cruelty charges after a confrontation with a Redland neighbor who caught him dumping a goat on his property. The firefighter, Adolfo Perez, said he removed the animal carcass -- as well as other animal remains -- from the man's property after he realized it was private property, and provided him a business card identifying himself as a priest. The neighbor, Art Valencia, a retired schoolteacher, turned the business card over to police. ''I don't care what they do, but I shouldn't have to smell dead animals at my home,'' he sa

Omg I've Been Haxxed Lmfao
Ok so things were going great - i had installed joomla and was scraping the feed from cafepress (i've lost u all now ain't i?) - ok scrap that - i had a great site - now it as been haxxed - i have to wait for the tech guys to once it over then i will be stuck uploading and rebuilding the site for the next few days argggggghhhhhhhh. Anyway thanks for all the supportive chats out there - it's good to know so many ppl like my t-shirts If u wanna buy a shirt u can still go to Retrogod at Cafepress normal services at www.retrogod.com will be resumed asap. thanks for reading ! x paul

Nut Kickin
I'm not sure of many things, but I do know this. You, sir, are an idiot. Nobody in the stadium is amused by your yelling. Yes, we all know this is just the minor leagues and minor league teams have a tendency to bus in the mentally challenged, but that is no excuse to be so lazy in your attempts to entertain those around you. All you yell is "timber". That's hardly creative no matter how long you manage to drag the word out. And to do it every 5 minutes... well that is the reason I kicked you in the nuts. You shouldn't act so surprised. I did warn you. I told you, "If you keep doing that, I will kick you in the nuts." Nuts have been kicked.

From Just Friends Its Sooo F'n True
Y'see, when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become a complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like a brother... or a lamp. I don't want to be a lamp...

Ballad Of A Nazi Man
Where did Dylan go wrong? If he had any intention of helping Brian. He suggested that Brian should kill a man inside a song. To make it better he could give a little money to charity. He only had to grab the axe so to speak. Firstly you don't kill folks you don't know. Secondly there was a danger that the other person put inside that song would be filled with so much terror that he would become a bomb trying to prevent it. If that theory is correct, Dylan was killing Nico. Memento Hodie from 1968 means that Nico knew these concequences, possibly because of discussions with Brian. Seen as a killing of Nico the last verse looks like this: Well, you walk into the room: She was not there, she is the only one that does enter that room apart from Lennon who in some sence already was there, if she enters it is dangerous. Like a camel and then you frown: Anyone entered a room and shown their real face? A small nearly invincible frown? A joke about camels? You put your eyes in

Strap Up Strap On
Strap Up, Strap On! (Funny) I love the way we do everything we do. I love the way you touch me and I love to touch you. There's no way I could complain, but I got a suggestion, a new direction, 'cause you make me so excited that I want an erection... Well, you know that thing in your bed side drawer... Well it can do more, That I think we should explore. Strap up, strap on. There's no way to do it wrong, Make me moan you a new song Let me make you moan along! We can use it in the shower, I've got those new glass doors. We can use it for hours, Silicon won't get bored. See how both you're hands are free, Do with them just what you please. One's clutching the railing and one's holding on to me. Strap up, strap on. There's no way to do it wrong, Make me moan you a new song Let me make you moan along! We can use it in the kitchen, I wanna have a treat. But you're skin's already salty And you always taste sweet. We c

Dinner Time
Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant. Thinking fast she replied "food on the table". Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean. Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest". Next day he comes home a asks what does "fuckin'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed". That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. Johnny is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring. He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fuckin'".

Mommy Black Sponge
Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina. He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge." A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!" She replies, "I lost it, honey." A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?" Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

Masterbate Joke
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!' Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.' Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

Johnny Needs New Bike
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Stick Out Johnny
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?" Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there." "Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher. A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants. The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!" Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Where The P?
One day there was this little boy named Johny he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no. Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z" Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a" Then she said "Where is the p." Lil Johny said "Running down my leg."

Why The Feet??
The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny replies "The feet miss" So the teacher says "Why the feet?" And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"

Bathroom Joke
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

Teacher Sick
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter." "That's right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

The Music Teacher
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it." Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework." The teacher says, "Very good, Claude." Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary." She calls on Little Johnny in the back. Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."

Fridays On World Rock Radio
Click banner to enter lounge 2:00PM EST For requests, hit me up on yahoo at mystic_druid_777 8:00PM EST Tonight on Rebbi's Rambunctious Noize.. Start off the weekend on the right foot with The Friday Night Floyd Fix..8pm..3 in a row from Pink Floyd & the Friday Night House Party! listener requests!!...plus the latest in rock news, Foamy The Squirrel and non stop rock for 2 hours..this is step 1 in my evil nefarious plan to rock the world til it screams no more. Rebbi's Rambunctious Noize on WORLDROCKRADIO.COM FROM 8-10PM est. To get in a request... shoot me an IM AOL IM: BunniRockRadio Yahoo IM: BunniRockRadio 10:00PM EST Tonight on Rebbi's Rambunctious Noize..The Friday Night House Party continues!..10pm...plus the latest in rock news, Foamy The Squirrel and non stop rock for 2 hours..this is step 1 in my evil nefarious plan to rock the world til it screams no more. Rebbi's Rambunctious Noize on WORLDROCKRADIO.COM FROM 10pm-12am est. To get in a request.

Inspiration
The laughter of man is the contentment of God. Great thoughts come from the heart. It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness. "Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can." "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." – "Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements." – "Obstacles are necessary for success because…victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats." "If you want to reach a goal, you must 'see the reaching' in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal." "Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small

Motivation
MOTIVATION I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it. Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you. The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed. The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination. Where there's a will there's a way. Great thoughts come from the heart. If all your live you have had a clear conscience, you need not fear a knack at the door at midnight. If you continuallygive, you will continually have. Doing littlethings well is a step towards doing big things better. There is no man living who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can do. Great minds must be ready not only to take the opportunities, but to make them.

Life
LIFE The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tried. If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. He who hesitates is lost. Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. We are still masters of our fate. We are still captains of our souls.

Friendship
FRIENDSHIP True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost." "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." "A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else." "Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." "The better part of one's life consists of his friendships." "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." "Friendship is one mind in two bodies." "Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success." "Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world." "The best

How To Save A Life...... The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame You begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've

What I Love About You
I love the way you look at me, Your eyes so bright and blue. I love the way you kiss me, Your lips so soft and smooth. I love the way you make me so happy, And the ways you show you care. I love the way you say, "I Love You," And the way you're always there. I love the way you touch me, Always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me, And glad that you are mine.

Love Defined
What is love, but an emotion, So strong and so pure, That nurtured and shared with another All tests it will endure? What is love, but a force To bring the mighty low, With the strength to shame the mountains And halt time’s ceaseless flow? What is love, but a triumph, A glorious goal attained, The union of two souls, two hearts A bond the angels have ordained? What is love, but a champion, To cast the tyrant from his throne, And raise the flag of truth and peace, And fear of death o’erthrow? What is love, but a beacon, To guide the wayward heart, A blazing light upon the shoals That dash cherished dreams apart? And what is love, but forever, Eternal and sincere, A flame that through wax and wane Will outlive life’s brief years? So I’ll tell it on the mountaintops, In all places high and low, That love for you is my reason to be, And will never break or bow.

This Is How She Makes Me Fill
Day by day Night by night Kiss by kiss Touch by touch Step by step I fall in love A love so incomprehensible So vivid So unique So wild, that not even the reign of God could control A passion so deep A need so necessary A want so strong The universe would not handle I love you today I’ll love you tomorrow I’ll love you forever

Love Is Like A Rose
Love is like a rose with gentle tender parts slowly it unfolds and develops in your heart It's beauty can't be tamed It's as wild as the wind words can never explain the feelings held within you could be cut by a thorn and your heart would tend to bleed sometimes it will be torn But inside is always a new seed There will always be a change and yet it grows and grows although it may seem strange love is like rose.

Hh Contest
HH CONTEST HOSTED BY SEXYGIRLBLONDE YOU CANT MISS THIS..... I am holding a contest and this one you might really want to check out. TOP PRIZE.... A FREE HAPPY HOUR!!!!!!!!! Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket This contest will run for 10 full days and there are some rules that MUST be followed before you decide to enter. I will be taking entries starting now and will take them through the first day of the contest which will start as soon as I have at least 25 entries. When I get the entries needed I will post a bulletin stating the date and time the contest will start. RULES!!!!! You and anyone that will be helping you in the contest must rate me, fan me and be on my friends list to enter or comment in this contest. I will be checking everyone and the folder will be set for friends only to comment so anyone that you want to help you comment bomb you need to let them know they must rate, fan and add me to do this. Please make sure to let all your friends

Bad News From Aunt
I JUST got word from my aunt that my cousin Derek (who is in prison) was jumped by 4 guys and beat up pretty badly. End result, detached retina. That's all I heart. I'll find out more when mom gets back to me. She's at the store right now, and my aunts phone sucks and I could barely hear her, she wanted to talk to my mom so I told her I'd immediatly call mom and have her call her ASAP. Oh man. Detached retina. There is basically no chance for him to ever see again out of that eye. At least not "legally" anyway. Meaning he'll be "legally blind" out of it. He won't be able to read out of it. He will be able to see light versus dark, but it'll be severely fuzzy, rippled, etc. The only reason I say this is because I've done a ton of research on retinal detachment due to the fact that dad had about half of his retina detach spontaneously about 9 years back. Wow has it been that long? So, I feel horrible for him. As far as I know, he was not an instigator of the attack. Knowing hi

Cuba's Cenesex Proposes Ground-breaking Transsexual Rights
Fidel Castro backs effort Cuba's CENESEX proposes ground-breaking transsexual rights Lavender & red, part 108 By Leslie Feinberg Published Aug 6, 2007 8:48 PM Mariela Castro Espín, director of Cuba’s National Center for Sex Education (CENESEX), recalled that three decades ago a Cuban from Matanzas who was born female-bodied but identified as male came to Havana for help. In response, Cuban revolutionary leader and president of the Federation of Cuban Women (FMC), Vilma Espín, recommended in 1979 that a special committee be established, coordinated by the National Work Group on Sex Education—CENESEX’s predecessor. The FMC had formed the Work Group in 1972; CENESEX was established in 1989. The first result, Castro Espín related, was an agreement with the Ministry of the Interior and the Ministry of Justice to issue new identity papers. Three transsexual Cubans got new identity documents under that accord. In 1988, the first sex-reassignment surgery—from male to f

Where To Buy Your Usa-gas
(*This landed in my mailbox so I thought I would post it for all to read. Feel free to pass it along it you like*) WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON-- Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it. It might even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods.We should return the favor. An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill u p the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up thetank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family,and my friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil . These companies import Middle Eastern oil : Shell............................ 205,742,00

Thought Of Today
Instanstinces in time leave me wondering in the present; mindless and with out indulgence. We connect to oblivion only to find the truth..WHcih in lies nothing...How can we scrape together, as humanity I speak, the will to go on..Support this and free them we will all fall to the sword in this day. Are we as animals so depedent upon technology and others to not use our God given senses. I have to lie in oblivity just to cope with the day after day life and having to be part of this collective. There is a side to life that no one sees as it only pains me to know and have seen this side of life.. I see pictures and potrayls of hate and violence only to exceed ourselves in previous generations. I give a clap and applaud to us! Let us destroy ourselves I only ask let me help. Take away the law of man and let the law of nature prevail.. I feel so many things in my inner soul and wonder are there others? I only know of one and God guide her down her path... It is truly amazing this year come

August 16
Sitting here again wondering and realizing the facts of life...I hold great value to the things I do and the people I meet as well as the experiances I have had. It strikes me akwardly how everything changes and as we get older we can sit and reflect on the timeline of our lives. The trends that are noticed and the patterns in our lives become excessive and moments become shorter. The quest for life may it be love is eternal and will never end. I miss a lot of things and elements in my life that I can never have again. I look forward however and ponder what I can achieve and what memories are waiting for me. I am a lost soul in a stasis that is unknown even to my self. I hope for better days. I only hope that soon I will find someone to take along on my journey. I have my fears, as few as they may be I know there is nothing more I can do to hold on to this feeling. I must let it go and contiune on . . .

From The Back Pew
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he declared. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen."

Senior Breakfast
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "YES!!" stated the waitress. "I'll take the special then." my wife said. "How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked. "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home. DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than once.

My Son's More Successful Than Yours.
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift." The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly te

Sisters Of St. Francis
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles. He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right. His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?". He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business." "Very well, my son. Please follow me." He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this h

Ponder These
Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up

Job Search
I'm looking for a new job as well. I had two interviews last week. Hopefully one of them will produce a new job. I'm pretty fed up with my current job. It bores me and everyone hates my guts. Wish me luck.

If You Could Only See.........tonic
If you could only see the way she loves me Then maybe you would understand Why I feel this way about our love And what I must do If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says When she says she loves me Well you got your reasons And you got your lies And you got your manipulations They cut me down to size Sayin' you love but you don't You give your love but you won't If you could only see the way she loves me Then maybe you would understand Why I feel this way about our love And what I must do If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says When she says she loves me Seems the road less traveled Show's happiness unraveled And you got to take a little dirt To keep what you love That's what you gotta do Sayin' you love but you don't You give your love but you won't You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there Sayin' you love where you stand Give your heart when you can If you could only see the way s

When Someone Does You Wrong
"Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you." (Luke 10:19) Somebody's done you wrong! Sooner or later it happens to all of us. Somewhere along the way, we all get hurt or cheated or lied to or abused. It's as predictable as it is painful. Yet when it happens most of us find ourselves strangely unprepared. In our outrage, we often cry out to God against the one who wronged us. We ask for justice, or even vengeance, and end up making things tougher on everyone involved--including ourselves. If that's been true of you, it's time you found out how you can put the power of God to work for you the next time somebody does you wrong. Step one: Identify the enemy! Right here's where the majority of us make our biggest blunder. We mistakenly identify our enemy as the person who hurts us. Don't waste your energy ranting and raving or plotting and scheming against people who cause y

Ouch!
HELP!!I'M IN SOME PAIN TODAY.I SLICED MY FINGER WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE.DIDN'T NEED STITCHES BUT BLED LIKE A SON-OF-A BITCH! I AIN'T TOUCHING NO KNIVES FOR A WHILE.MY HUBBY SAYS I NEED ADULT SUPERVISION.LOL!!!IT IS SO FRIGGING CRAPPY OUTSIDE TODAY.IF UR FROM BUFFALO U KNOW.

My Little Girl
A beautiful cry as I fade away I open my eyes to see her face The miracle of a new life Through all the pain and strife Heaven's angel here to take my place To run the race of this world In the form of a little girl Through all the commotion I feel the emotion of a joyful life As death calls me The end of a life to be I feel no pain No shame No regret Nor do I fear For with her eyes and a tear She fills me with joy, calm and peace As my life does decease She will live The gift I give to all As I stand tall I will watch her From the Heavenly altar For she will always be The living part of me My beautiful daughter.

"hell" By Dark Poet
every cut from the razor's edge a moment I let my heart be exposed to decieving feelings tired of the pain tired of the hate tired of the tears that never flow every cut from the razor's edge a moment of release from these devilish torments... for I am in hell

Interesting Facts
Have you ever noticed that with life..there are all sorts of interesting things that happen to us? From just the simplest of things to the most outrageous events. But all in all it is life. We live it...unless of course you are those that choose to sit on the sidelines and watch as moments and opportunities pass you by. Me....I would rather live life through all the hardships out there than just sit by and say..I should or I wish I had of....So live life...look at it like it is one big adventure...some good and some bad...but still an adventure worth being in.

I'll Be Here
I cannot ease your aching heart, Nor take your pain away; But let me stay and take your hand And walk with you today. I'll listen when you need to talk, I'll wipe away your tears; I'll share your worries when they come, I'll help you face your fears. I'm here and I will stand by you, On each hill you have to climb; So take my hand, let's face the world... And live just one day at a time. You're not alone, for I'm still here, I'll go that extra mile; And when your grief is easier, I'll help you learn to smile!

I Wish
I wish I could see you, Your eyes stir up my passion. I wish I could hold you, And feel your arms tight around me, Keeping me safe. I wish I could kiss you, Moist lips pressed together, Tongues entwined in the ritual dance That nobody teaches, but everyone knows. I wish for the pressure Of your body on top of mine, Or of mine on yours, Close as possible, So wonderful. I wish I could lay my head on your chest To cuddle while watching a movie, And really watch it Just knowing you're there. I wish for this reassurance That you'll always be there for me. That you love me. I wish to show you How much I love you.

Letting Go
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; It means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off... It's the realization that I can't control another... To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day a

Prints
Whatever our hands touch - We leave fingerprints! On walls, on furniture On doorknobs, dishes, books. There's no escape. As we touch we leave our identity. Wherever I go today Help me leave heartprints! Heartprints of compassion Of understanding and love. Heartprints of kindness And genuine concern. May my heart touch a lonely neighbor Or a runaway daughter Or an anxious mother Or perhaps an aged grandfather. Send me out today To leave heartprints. And if someone should say, "I felt your touch," May they also sense the love that is deep within my heart.

Special Love
You wait your entire life for that special love. Then it is unreachable. Perhaps because of fear, perhaps because of circumstances or perhaps because of love itself. A special love that leaves an emptiness within you if you cannot hear the other person's voice. But that makes you feel whole again with one gentle hello A special love of longing night after night for just the sight of them. or just the feeling of knowing that they may care too. A love that you know in this lifetime you will never feel again. Nor would ever want to feel again, if it brings you this much pain not to have it. That deep within your soul your love is the same as mine. We belong together. We need each other to make our lives complete. My only one My treasured one My special love.

The Night
I close my eyes and I see you. The way your hands feel against my body. The look you give me as you glide your fingers along my side. You whisper that I'm so soft as you lay soft kisses on every inch of my being. I arch my back in anticipation of more to come. Your soft lips slide down my neck onto my chest. You bypass my breasts and continue across my stomach, from left to right and back again. As your lips are taking in all of my being, your hands are covering the rest of my body as you glide further down. The inside of my thighs tingle as you spread my legs and kiss down the outer portion of my thighs, around my knees, down my calves and to my toes and back up again along the inner portion of my leg. You again bypass the tunnel of your desire and repeat the above to my other leg. As you work your way up my inner thigh again, your hands reach and find my erect nipples as you pinch them lightly, I gasp in pure pleasure. Your tongue finds the treasure cove as it flicks across the bare

Guitar
His lips so sweet. His fingers, callused and strong. The Musician wants to play. I am his guitar. He plays me. He kisses my neck. Moving down, Just like the frets. He runs his fingers, down. Caressing my smooth body. He grabs me, And holds me close to his body. He kisses me, Moving down my body. Running his tongue, softly down me, Just like strings on his guitar. His hand moves down my body. Reaching the end of the my strings. He flicks my clit, and rubs it. Just like he is plucking the strings. I am his instrument. I can feel his cock start to grow. The music coming from my mouth, Making him want to play me more. The melody speeds up. He surprises me, and pulls out another instrument. Like a flute, Long, hard, and strong. I am a musician too. I put my lips around his cock, And really start to blow. I can hear him moan, oh yes! I play him really hard. So much music being made, We both want so much more. We move from slow rock and jaz

Wicca Vs Christianity
Wiccans Believe that the power of the elements can help or harm Christians Believe that the power of one MAN can heal you and belief in him will get you into the utopia KNOWN as "HEAVEN" Wiccans live by the Law of "DO AS YE WILL, And HARM NONE" Christians Live By the Law of "LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOUR SELF" Wiccans Practice Magik By the power of focusing ones engergy. Christian Believe in Healing in by the power of prayer Is there any difference....

A Dream
Let me dream this dream with you, A dream nestled in clouds for us two; On your chest my head I'll rest, Let's make this night our greatest. Dark and cold this moonless night, Warm my body and hug me tight; Touch my lips with heavenly bliss, Let's explore the mighty space. The music played was sweet and romantic, Made our bodies moved with mystique; Arms seems reaching while hips keep swaying, Two most common steps in dancing. Clouds of white envelops our bodies As we get higher to the sky, Precipitation falls as we reached high There we give our sweetest smile.

I Am
Sexy, I am seductive yes...sexy I am... I love to be loved, never get it though... seems I am always choosing to be alone... daydreaming, being wet, wanton with desire... get the wrong guys all the time...losers they are... want to feel a winner with me always, for all of time, for eternity, infinite desire I have had, with infinite desire I have searched and burned... I want to be the one that takes your breath away, the one that makes you heart pound louder than war, I want to be the one that makes your heart sing, and dance all at the same time... all before sex... all before we say "Hi, I am...." Taste me in your eyes, taste me in your mind, taste me in your heart.... now taste my mouth, savor me...enjoy the me that is me... you will not be disappointed, you guys never are... but I am...and sexy I am...

My Poems
Life is too hard Remember those days? You know the ones where you hang out with friends, and drink till the sun come up. Life is to hard the same song they always play You know we all would do what we could, to get back those days We all had that friend that dreamed really big Or the one who was bragging about all the women beds he has been in Or the one who could make you laugh, while you were down in your tears Oh yeah, them were the good years. So Mr. DJ! Put that Life is to hard Song back on Got to get my life back on track Show these young ones, how its done So, life got you down? Like I know it can! Then close those eyes, and think of those long lost friends Sit on the porch and poor your self a drink And sway your head to that Life is to hard song you know the beat Make me the person Make me the person the one that people will always love When I walk down the street, they know my name Hey man! Can I borrow some money? They will always ask. Ill

Omg! I Found Him And He Is Wonderful!
So... all those things on that list? Yeah... I definitely found it. The beautiful thing? He doesn't rush me, he understands that it's hard for me to trust... he doesn't have any intention on hurting me, and he doesn't make fake professions of love. More than that... he's real. He's someone tangible- whose life is there for me to see. Nothing about him is a lie... and that means SO much to me. He doesn't have to tell me that I am worth it, because he shows me every day. He is the model that I use to figure out whom I want my husband to be- only because he is that perfect. We never fight, he never patronizes me, and there's no rush for us to be together because we both are adults and smart enough to know that with any person comes baggage... and it shouldn't be a picnic. If I wasn't so afraid, if it wasn't already so soon, I'd say I love him- but only because I know him, and he knows me. He's trying to know me- he's not trying to woo me into believing a lie. He means the world to me

Cajun Chicken Pasta
Ingredients * 4 ounces linguine pasta * 2 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves * 2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning * 2 tablespoons butter * 1 red bell pepper, sliced * 1 green bell pepper, sliced * 4 fresh mushrooms, sliced * 1 green onion, chopped * 1 cup heavy cream * 1/4 teaspoon dried basil * 1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper * 1/4 teaspoon salt * 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder * 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper * 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese Cooking Instructions Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain. Place the chicken and the Cajun seasoning in a plastic bag. Shake to coat. In a large skillet over medium heat, saute the chicken in butter or margarine until almost tender (5 to 7 minutes). Add the red bell pepper, green bell pepper, mushrooms and green onion. Saute and stir for 2 to 3 minutes. Reduce heat. Add the cream, basil

Grilled Steak With Fresh Corn Salad
Ingredients * 1 tablespoon minced garlic * 3 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil * 1/2 teaspoon salt * 2 boneless strip (top loin) steaks * 5 large ears corn * 2 medium tomatoes * 1 small orange or red bell pepper * 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil * 2 tablespoons red-wine vinegar Cooking Instructions 1. Preheat grill to high. 2. Combine garlic, 1 teaspoon oil and 1/4 teaspoon salt in a small bowl. Rub the mixture on both sides of steaks. Place the steaks and corn on the grill. Grill the steaks 2 to 4 minutes per side for medium-rare. Let them rest while the corn finishes cooking. (The steaks will continue to cook while resting.) Grill the corn, turning to cook all sides, until some of the kernels are slightly charred, 8 minutes total. Let stand until cool enough to handle, about 5 minutes. 3. Remove the kernels from the cobs using a sharp knife. Combine the corn, tomatoes and bell pepper in a medium bowl; stir in basil, vinegar,

Blueberry-lime Margarita
Ingredients * 2 cups ice * 1 cup frozen blueberries * 1 cup blueberry nectar * 1/4 cup seltzer * 2 tablespoons frozen limeade * 1 tablespoon lime juice * 3 ounces tequila * 1 lime wedge * Coarse salt Cooking Instructions Combine ice, blueberries, blueberry nectar, seltzer, limeade, lime juice and tequila, if using, in a blender and blend until smooth. Rub rim of 2 glasses with lime wedge and dip in salt. Divide the margarita between the prepared glasses and serve

Chocolate Crisps
Ingredients * 1 tablespoon butter * 1/4 cup sugar * 1 large egg white * 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour * 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder * 1/2 ounce finely chopped unsweetened chocolate * 1 teaspoon vanilla extract * Pinch of salt * Confectioners' sugar Cooking Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 300°F. Coat a baking sheet with nonstick cooking spray. 2. Melt butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Swirl the pan until the butter is lightly browned, about 1 minute. Transfer to a medium bowl. Whisk in sugar. Add egg white, flour, cocoa, unsweetened chocolate, vanilla and salt and whisk until smooth. 3. Drop the batter by heaping teaspoonfuls, about 2 inches apart, onto the prepared baking sheet. Bake until set in the center, 12 to 15 minutes. Immediately transfer the cookies with a spatula to a rack to cool. (If the cookies begin to stick before all are removed, return the pan briefly to the oven.) Dust the cookies with c

Creamy Potato Salad
Ingredients * 2 large eggs * 1 1/2 pounds fingerling potatoes * 1/2 cup reduced-fat mayonnaise * 1/2 cup low-fat plain yogurt * 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil * 1 teaspoon anchovy paste * Freshly ground pepper * 2 tablespoons white-wine vinegar * 1/2 teaspoon salt * 1 medium red bell pepper * 1/2 cup finely diced red onion * 1/2 cup chopped celery * 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley * 2 tablespoons diced gherkin pickles * 2 tablespoons drained capers * 1 tablespoon chopped fresh chives Cooking Instructions 1. Hard-cook eggs (see Tip). Peel eggs and chop coarsely. 2. Meanwhile, place potatoes in a large saucepan, cover with lightly salted water and bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium and cook, covered, until just tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Drain; let cool for about 10 minutes. 3. Meanwhile, whisk mayonnaise, yogurt, oil, anchovy paste and pepper in a small bowl until

Caramel Brownies Ii
Ingredients * 1 (14 ounce) package individually wrapped caramels * 2/3 cup evaporated milk * 1 (18.25 ounce) package German chocolate cake mix * 3/4 cup butter, melted * 1 teaspoon vanilla extract * 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips * 1 cup chopped walnuts Cooking Instructions Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease one 9x13 inch baking dish. Melt caramels and 1/3 cup of the evaporated milk over very low heat, stirring occasionally until smooth. Combine cake mix, melted butter, the remaining 1/3 cup evaporated milk, vanilla and nuts. Mix well and spread 1/2 of the batter into the prepared pan. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 8 minutes. Sprinkle the chocolate chips evenly over the partially cooked brownies. Pour the melted caramel mixture over the top and with a teaspoon drop the remaining 1/2 of the batter evenly over the top. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 20 minutes. Let brownies cool in pan th

Swirled Cheesecake Brownies
Ingredients * 4 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese * 1/4 cup sugar * 1 large egg * 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour * 1 tablespoon nonfat plain yogurt * 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract * 2/3 cup whole-wheat pastry flour * 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder * 1/4 teaspoon salt * 1 large egg * 2 large egg whites * 1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar * 1/4 cup canola oil * 1/4 cup strong (or prepared instant) coffee * 2 teaspoons vanilla extract Cooking Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 350° F. Coat a 7-by-11-inch brownie pan or baking pan with cooking spray. 2. To prepare topping: Place cream cheese in a small mixing bowl and beat with an electric mixer until smooth and creamy. Add sugar and beat until smooth. Add egg, flour, yogurt and vanilla; beat until well blended. 3. To prepare brownie layer: Whisk whole-wheat flour, cocoa and salt in a bowl. Place egg, egg whites and brown sugar in a large bowl and beat w