so sleeping still sucks.i don't know what to do to make it better. ive talked to people both professional and not and neither really helped.i wish i knew how to fix it though because constantly reliving everything is not fucking kool.ive taken pills and poked some smot but i don't want to have to that forever and if i did id still be on migraine meds and painkillers.its not a good way to live and i wouldn't trust myself around that many pills.im going to look into hypnosis i guess because i cant deal with this stuff in a good or "normal" way.ive been going to clubs more frequently though and thats helped a little. maybe ill just have to run myself ragged in the hopes that it will make me sleep so hard i wont dream.ive cut a lot of people out of my life too and thats also helped a little bit, but i feel bad because thats not how i want to be. i care about people way more than i should though. so sometimes its just better for me to be alone. that sounds so fucking awful.its not that i shouldn't care and no matter how much id love to hate people its just not me, and the truth is i will always care no matter how much people hurt me. it fucking sucks hahah. i just need to learn to let things go but i don,t think i can.other people also need to learn to follow through with shit. so its an effort i and others are going to have to work on but only i can work on it for me and for the sake of good things lost. as far as everyone else goes they have to want to be better people.i know more than anyone you cant do it unless you really want too... thanks mom hahah.my family call me more often. thats kinda kool.im going to start taking yoga at the beach.yep yoga hahah. the club things what i missed the most tho and i sleep pretty fucking good when i stay up all night so i think thats my fix. go to clubs and dance my ass off.... alone because theres no one to rely on meeting up with and well just be fucking cause i just don't want to make plans and get fucked hahaha.
