the nightmares come worse than before now, worse than they have in a very long time. i wish they would stop id give anything to make them stop.it hurts so much to keep reliving this shit over and over again.they have gotten more intense since the day i saw him.i never thought id see him again and i thought id be ok but im not. i wake up drenched in tears and sweat and i even wake myself up crying out. ashly's gone so no one is here to wake me up i wish someone would hear me and wake me up. if they knew how much pain i was in they would. cant they tell by the looks on my face? cant they hear my cries. i know that i look afraid and scared and sad because when i wake up every muscle in my body aches so much.i hurt so much inside i want to die being alone doesn't help they seem to get worse when im alone. i try to stay up as long as i can but my headaches are worse and i have to sleep eventually.i even stopped smoking in the hopes that i would be able to stay up for longer but i
can't take dreaming like this much longer. i cant it hurts i just want it to stop i wish i knew how to make it stop.i see his face when i close my eyes.i remember everything.i hate this. i hate you!you ruined my childhood and now your ruining my life again.
