does anyone know of anything i can take to not dream?i don't care if i have to take pills everyday,i just want this shit to stop.my head hurts sooo much, my body aches, and im so tired and sad.i just don't want to dream anymore. i think things would be so much better for me if i didn't have to see his face anymore.it was bad enough to deal with when i was little and on top of all the bullshit not being able to hang out with my best buddy kyle just because his dad was a disgusting dick head.now as i enter adulthood it just keeps getting worse.ive lost 20 pounds because i don't have an appetite.i haven't really hung out with anyone because well people are jerks in the first place and i cant anything bad happening right now. everything happens all at once and things going on in my life seem to trigger more dreams or more intense dreams. seeing him at target ruined me and then being at edc by myself for a while a didn't help. my friend wench and deanna found me at the end sitting alone on this grass hill having a freak out and crying. all i could think about that day was all the shit i went through when i was little.i try so hard to not think of what happened but every time i close my eyes i see his fucking face.i try to think of good things like how kyle and i handcuffed ourselves together and spun around when we were little and broke his pair of toy handcuffs and he started crying and i laughed at im and then i cried cause i felt bad.sometimes its helps but most of the time i just go back to thinking about him.i dont want to do it anymore.i just want to forget. i want to forget him and kyle and everything i ever knew about them.i just want it to all go away.
