didn't have the best night of work last night, seems everything that could go wrong did go wrong. i got there went to do the bathrooms, toilet was clogged so i used the plunger thought i got it unclogged flushed then it overflowed so i spent 30 minutes or so cleaning that up. then it was snowing, so i had to shovel all night as well as keep on mopping the floor since dumbass people don't know how to wipe there feet on a rug. a bunch of ciggarettes fell on me, we didn't have all the stuff i needed to do donuts and i was already running late by that time. i shut a lid to the glaze and it caught a piece of paper some of the donuts were on so when i lifted it a ton fell on the floor, and then the middles were broken to 4 other donuts so they had to be tossed as well. only thing that seemed to go smoothly was right before i left when i learned how to do the day change, that and the manager just let me go soon as i did that so i didnt have to shift out or anything.
around 430 i was getting overwelmed and so i just sat down for a minute then i started to cry a little bit, when ever things get overwelming or hard i always seem to beg for ravyn to be there. i always go to using her as a reason to survive it seems. i'm not sure if that's good or not, atleast it gets me through the day anyways. *sigh* atleast it's all over that's good. hopefully it will stop snowing. i used to love the snow and now it's become my enemy. i dont even really feel that tired yet, but i would love to just go pass out. i know why i want to sleep yet not sure that it's a good thing. i want dreams that aren't real, i want something to believe in. i know that it will start to fade in about a week again until next month it ussually does, but i want to savor the reminder while it lasts. my ability to actually feel something for a short while. even if half the time it turns to pain when i realize it means nothing that i still feel it. life isn't horrible but if it's supposed to be like this until the end i really do not want to live. but, i'm done now.
