alright...i mentioned in the previous blog that i might go into deeper detail as to why i think stabbing babies in the face is wrong....well, i'm in a writing mood right now, so that detail will happen at this very moment, dawg.
now, to understand why i believe that stabbing children in the face is wrong, you first must understand that when i was a baby, i too was stabbed. no, i wasn't stabbed in the face, but as i was stabbed in the top of my skull by the dang doctor as i was being born. true story. folks who know me are well aware of the bald spot atop my skull where i was stabbed.
this stabbing, which apparently seemed harmless at the time, my mind got twisted like a towel made of limes being rung out. yeah, that's right....my mind is like a citrus cloth that soaks up the filth that develops in the society we live in.....and then that filth gets cleansed in my limey goodness.
but anyway, getting stabbed near the brain had those apparently benificial effects...plus, the fact that my hair smells like palmolive is great, too...however, when you're stabbed in the face, that's a whole nother story. you see, the top of your skull is like a citrus....and fruit doesn't bleed...but your face....now, your face is like a large steak....it bleeds.
on top of the bleeding, which is probably unwanted....unless you're a weirdo who doesn't like a fully-cooked steak, in which case you embrace the blood....anyway, on top of that all, you've got a big problem if you get stabbed in the face...when someone stabs a steak, it usually means they want to eat said steak....so, if a baby were to be stabbed in the face, that's like that baby was claimed as edible property for the person with the knife. and, of course, when you eat a baby, you're promoting cannibalism....unless you're a chimpanzee, squirrel, or oxen....you know, animals who have learned how to use tools to get what they want...like a dead baby.
even if it is an animal that learned to use tools doing the stabbing, it still doesn't make it right, though....because if we allow animals to stab babies in the face....what next? women? men? bea arthur? oh, good guy in the sky no! i will never let anyone ever harm miss bea...EVER.
so, to all of you pro-stabbing babies in the face jerkfaces, listen to me and listen to me good....you might think that stabbing babies in the face is fun now....but think of the long-term damage....we could lose the single-most influential person in the history of the dang world, bea arthur, if this baby face stabbing continues on....so...forget the children.....think of bea...because bea arthur is our future...and it's time to end this blog in song...
ahem...
i believe that bea arthur is our future
teach her well and let her lead the way
show her all the beauty that she pocesses inside
give her a sense of pride to make it easier
let bea's laughter remind us of how it used to be.
everybody searching for a hero
people need someone to look up to
i never found anyone to fulfill my needs
a lonely place to be
so i learned to depend on me
i decided long ago
never to walk in anyone's shadows
if i fail, if i succeed
at least i will live as i believe
no matter what they take from me
they can't take away my lovely bea...
