i stumbled upon a travesty today....while searching for what may be the greatest food of the 90's, koala yummies, i realized that the adorable marsupial cookies filled with gooey chocolate and/or strawberry delights have been, well, killed off. much like the dodo in its time, the koala yummies were hunted and killed off 'cause they tasted so dang good. however, i can live with their extinction...at least they left while on the top of their game...or so i thought.
enter: koala's march. the supposed 'new' koala yummies. apparently, they taste exactly the same...i think the person who made that claim looks like santa claus....'cause his face has a beard made up of little white lies. and by the look of things, that santa-lookin' person's name is lotte.
according to this 'lotte' character, koala's march uses an exclusive baking system that creates a hollow, crispy shell....to claim that this koala's march is anywhere near as good as koala yummies, you'd have to be hollow inside...and like a pinata, i bet he has a cripsy shell. when that shell gets broken open with baseball bats of truth, candies of deception will pour from his pastel-colored skull.
anyway, they also claim that each koala is then individually filled with the highest quality chocolate or strawberry cream. if by highest quality, they mean made in a factory of balding hobos, who happen to not be wearing hairnets, then by all means, i'll accept that statement as truth. however, if by highest quality, they mean that it's equivelant to the cream found in koala yummies, then i may have to grow angry and tell lotte that he's a big scumbag.
now, some people might actually do research and tell me that lotte created koala yummies, too....so koala's march should be exactly the same. to those people, i say this: nope.
if they truly were one and the same, why would they change the name? hmmm? i'll tell you why; they're different. they're different and you all know it!! if anyone tells me differently, i will cry in a high-pitched voice until you reconsider. there is no justice in this world if we let koala's march get away with impersonating koala yummies...if we let this go, next thing we know, there'll be people impersonating elvis and that just isn't right.
oh dear golly....you see?! they've already begun impersonating elvis!! what next? nerdy people dressing up as some cartoon characters from japan?
alright....i was joking around about the cartoon characters from japan bit....now, i'm just plain frightened. do you see now, people? do you see what koala's march has inspired? people mimicking dead rock and roll guys with weight problems and dressing up as cartoons from a foreign land...koala yummies never made people do this, did they? of course not. it's all koala's march.
the saddest thing of all about koala's march....is the fact that it's actually making people believe that it is, in fact, koala yummies...in fact, there's a group here on myspace who have been fooled. you can find them by clicking the link below this period here.
http://groups.myspace.com/koalayummies
feel free to join the group and inform them of the lies they've been told by lotte...go there and voice your disgust of them touting koala's march as an equal to koala yummies...'cause i, for one, will not stand for it. i can't stand for koala's march soiling the good name of koala yummies anymore....and for the sake of our children....i won't. 
