you know...mosquitos would probably take a long time to baste a turkey, i'd think....i doubt they'd use a baster when they've basically already got one coming out of their faces anyway....but, man...their basters are tiny when compared to the turkey...it's gotta take 'em like eighteen and three-fourths of an hour to cook 'em....it's just gotta.
speaking of 'gotta', it's gotta be impossible for a scarecrow to get so angry that it will try to harm you...by the time it reaches it's last straw, it's not a scarecrow anymore....it's a single piece of straw....so, if you must make fun of someone, i reccomend doing so to a scarecrow.
i want to see a lobster in a train conductor outfit....then i can call it a train station crustacean. get it? it rhymes. :)
why are japanese people so afraid of godzilla....yeah, he's big....but he's not bad. that high-pitched little girl scream of his is adorable....it's like being frightened by that don vito fellow...his high-pitched gibberish makes infants smile....who can fear that?
a woman has never really lived unless she's had the privilage of combing her own beard.
i think chimneys vomit smoke....in which case, i demand chimney sweeps to wear pink since they're technically like pepto bismol.
i think cock fighting is every bit as homosexual as the name implies it to be....i don't believe i need to explain myself further.
if farting was a language....i'd call it the language of love....'cause only someone who loves you will stay to hear you out, from beginning to end, once you begin to talk from that area...even if your speech stinks.
sometimes i stay up at night and wonder...does dirt-covered hobo hair run like mascara-covered eyelashes?
i need to write a story of a gay government official coming out of the cabnit.
i trust tampax....and only tampax.
an astronaut with bad dandruff is kinda like a natural snowglobe.
slimer is a ghost booger....people say slimer is fake because ghosts don't exist....i beg to differ. slimer is fake because green boogers don't exist...unless you're snorting lime kool-aid or something.
i love to grocery shop, if only for the cereal isle. all of the bright colors and goofy mascots along with that catchy tune playing on the speakers above...it's like a parade in my honor.
if you go to a japanese hotel, don't pay for a vibrating bed...instead, invite several children to your room to watch japanese cartoons. have each child lay on the ground, clutching a piece of the bed....turn on the cartoons, and as the spasms take over, you've got yourself a free vibrating bed.
i think mr. clean needs to be in a rogaine ad.
sloths should really go to a beauty shop and get a manicure.
greatest cartoon of all time: widget the world watcher.
if oysters are so great, how come they're spineless?
the berenstein bears are full of it. plain and simple.
this blog is dumb....so i'll end it now....bye.
