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A couple of weeks ago my mother went to have a surgury to remove precancerous cells off of her cervix and uteran walls.. she had a couple of not kosher paps and they found the cells..
I have had one slightly odd pap before.. I have an appointment in the next couple of weeks for another one..
since the first odd pap I had.. i have had some.. issues.. Therefore.. I am TERRIFIED of this appointment.
My chances of being able to have children are already pretty slim.. I REALLY want kids... and now i am terrified of this... what if there IS something wrong.. what if the issues that i am having are because of cancerous cells.. what if what if what if...
I am fucking scared and don't want to do this alone.. but I don't have anyone to do this with me... my mother is still catching up on work and i won't ask her to go through this.. my sister is living 4 hours away... my husband.. oh god where to start with him... all of my friends have other things i won't pull them away from.. kids, school, LIVES...
I hate being who i am sometimes
