Miss Vanima's blog: "notalwaysright"

An Expensive Temper Tantrum, Part 2 Wireless Phone Retail Store | Nashville, TN, USA (Back story: I sold a woman four phones on a family plan for her and her 3 teenage daughters. She insisted that she be put on the 500 minute plan (the smallest family plan). I informed her that most teenagers can use 500 minutes in a week and begged her to take a larger plan. She refused and became quite angry and belligerent with me for suggesting “that her daughters were not responsible adults.” I noted on her account that she was advised of all overage charges and that there were to be no refunds on the account for overage charges. One month later she returns purple faced and on the verge of a stroke with her $3,200 phone bill.) Customer: “I need these charges taken off.” Me: “No, I explained the overage scale to you when you activated your phone, and begged you to take a larger plan. You insisted this was the one you needed and I cannot refund any of the charges.” Customer: “F**k you then, and f**k [cellular provider]. Cancel my account!” Me: “I’ll be happy to deactivate your phones but unfortunately that does not release you from your contract. There will be a $240.00 charge for each phone on the account for breaking your contract and you will still be responsible for the current charges.” (The customer suddenly throws her phone at my head. I duck and it smashes into the wall in a million pieces.) Customer: “F**K [cell phone provider]! F**K YOU, AND F**K ALL OF YOU A**HOLES TOO!” (Inexplicably, the last part was directed at the other customers waiting patiently for her to finish. She then proceeds to storm out to her car, a brand new Lexus SC 430. She redlines the engine, drops it into gear and hits a lamp post hard enough to shatter every piece of glass in the car as well as almost tearing the front half of the car off.) Customer: *comes back in the store* “Can I use your phone?” Another Customer: “Karma’s a b**ch, ain’t it?”

Gotta Love Them DIY ‘Puters Tech Support | London, ON, Canada (He was working in warranties for a large computer manufacturer, mostly with businesses but a few individuals came through on the line here and there.) Employee: “Thank you for calling ***. How can I help you?” Customer: “My computer don’t work.” Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get the serial number off of your CPU?” Customer: “My what?” Employee: “The computer tower.” Customer: “Huh?” (I’ll spare you the agony but, I went on for about 3 more minutes trying to describe the CPU and getting nowhere.) Employee: “I’m sorry, I don’t seem to be expressing myself well today. Can you describe to me all the computer parts on your desk? I’ll tell you which one the number I need is on.” Customer: “It’s just a keyboard and a screen, like any other computer.” Employee: “Oh, you have a laptop!” Customer: “A what?” Employee: “A little computer you can take with you. The keyboard and screen fold together with a hinge in the middle, right?” Customer: “No, I don’t! I don’t know what is wrong with you computer people today. First the sales guy tries to sell me a bunch of sh*t I don’t need in this big box package and now you don’t even know what a computer is! Brand new today and it don’t even work.” Employee: “So…you just bought a keyboard and a monitor?” Customer: “What’d I need all the rest uh’ that sh*t in the box for? This was way cheaper! I ain’t stupid!” Employee: “…”

The Adventures Of Captain Obvious Multiple Submissions | Everywhere Employee: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?” Customer: “What’s the difference?” ——– Employee: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?” Customer: “Which one is bigger?” ——– Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?” ——– Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?” ——– Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?” ——– Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?” ——– Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?” ——– Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?” ——– Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?” Employee: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.” ——– Employee: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?” ——– Employee: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?” Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?” Employee: “Yes.” Customer: “In Meyerland right?” Employee: “Yes…” Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘ *click*

A Simple Go To H*ll Would Have Sufficed Tech Support | Stillwater, OK, USA TECH: “Thank you for calling *** Direct Sales. How may I help you?” Caller: “I need a power cord for my product.” TECH: “I would be happy to place your order. I just need you to read me the three numbers from the front of the product.” Caller: “Talk to my wife, I can’t read…” (In the background, I overhear the following…) Caller: “Get on the phone!” Caller’s wife: “You are Satan! When spiritual warfare happens, I will have more angels on my side because you are evil and no one loves you!” (The wife then comes on the phone and very calmly gives me the number, her address, credit card info and then hangs up.)

We Love You Too Florida, USA | Pizzeria (It was literally 3 minutes before closing time, and someone called us.) Drunk Customer: “Ehhhhhh hello?” Me: “Sir, we are at closing time.” Drunk Customer: “Oh… well, can I have a large cheese pizza and a cheeseburger?” Me: “Sir, it is closing time. We’re done for the day. And we don’t serve burgers.” Drunk Customer: “Okay, can you just…uuuhhhhh…make me a pizza really fast then?” Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing.” Drunk Customer: “COME ON! IT’S 10 PM, I’M HUNGRY, AND ALL I WANT IS A PIZZA!” Me: “Sir, it’s 10:01. We are closed.” Drunk Customer: *unusually calm* “Okay…I’ll go to McDonald’s.” Me: “Good night, sir.” Drunk Customer: “Good night…I love you…” *hangs up* (Quite frankly, it made my day.)

Well Played, Indeed Fast Food | North Dakota, USA (This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.) Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?” Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.” Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?” Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.” Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.” Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*

Thomas Jefferson, Colonial Hippie Retail | Shiloh, IL, USA (A lady wants to make a credit card payment with a temporary check, which is not accepted at the store I work at. It goes all the way up to the top manager in the store and the exchange of words is glorious:) Manager: “How may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, this lady told me you can’t accept temporary checks?” Manager: “Yes ma’am, unfortunately in the past we’ve had trouble cashing those checks. It’s nothing against you personally, but based on past problems we can’t accept temporary checks.” Customer: “So let me get this straight? You treat everyone exactly the same way?” Manager: “Uh…yes.” Customer: “Well if this place isn’t run by a bunch of stupid liberals!”

Dumbest. Question. Ever. BBQ Restaurant | Vancouver, BC, Canada Customer: “So the pork…is that like, fish?” Me: “Noo…it’s like, pig.” Customer: “Oh.” ------------------------------------- ffs...

Life’s Great Mysteries, Volume 1 Grocery Store | Oklahoma, USAOklahoma, USA (I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.) Customer: “Excuse me, miss?” Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?” Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?” Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ” Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!” (She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.) --------------------------- jesus effin christ

In One Ear, Out The Other Restaurant | Dewey Beach, DE, USA (I work at a restaurant that has two different sides to it: a fine dining side, and a casual side. I work at the casual side. One day at work, a very confused woman calls.) Me: “Hi! Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?” Customer: “Hi, is this the fine dining side?” Me: “No, ma’am. This is the grille and bar side. Would you like the number to our fine dining section?” Customer: “No, I like the casual side more.” Me: “Oh, good.” Customer: “So can I have the number for the casual side?” Me: “This is the casual side, ma’am.” Customer: “Yes, but I would like the number. The fine dining aspect doesn’t fit well with my family.” Me: “Okay, well, this is the casual side. Whatever number you dialed is our number, ma’am.” Customer: “Yes, but I don’t like fine dining! Give me the number to your casual side!” Me: “This is our casual side. You have our number because you dialed it.” Customer: “I DON’T LIKE F***ING FINE DINING! I JUST WANT THE NUMBER TO THE CASUAL SIDE. IS THAT SO HARD? I’M GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR DINNER!” *hangs up* Me: “…” ---------------------- ffs....