i can feel you. even though your so far away.late at night when my tears fall and loneliness is at its greatest, i imagine that your here and im in your arms again. only for a moment does this mind trickery work. a sweet and beautiful moment until reality comes screeching back and i am again alone curled in the fetal position wondering when the pain of everything ive gone through is going to go away.i wish i didnt care about other people and there pain so that i could off myself without causing them sadness.even if i told them how miserable i am i dont think they would understand.ive gone through so much this year and this life and it sucks. i know thats very selfish and other people have it much tougher than me but i cant help it. my mind is constantly working against me. i try to think of happy things and i try to forgive people for what they have done to me but i cant let go when i try to think of other things my mind plays tricks and makes all these painful moments flood my head with no escape all i can do is try to sleep.sleep dosn't even come half the time id like it too.either way im dieing inside myself and i know people have started to notice because everyone keeps asking me if im alright and i keep saying no and theey just keep pretending everything is fine. but its not and it hasn't been for a long time.i dont really have anything to live for now anyways. my family i guess but to be honest they didnt protect me from vern when i was little girl so why should i care about them anyways? they allowed a disgusting old man to break me everyday for a long time. thats pretty much all life has given me. shitty people to make me feel even more worthless. im done. im tired and i dont want to do it anymore.i tired of being betrayed and im tired of living this way. ive tried time and time again to make things better but i try and try and i always end up getting screwed and not in the fun way
