im going to attempt to sleep soon, i have to be up early and it seems i havent been getting a whole lot of sleep lately. today was kinda meh, ok i s'pose. i felt somewhat exhausted half the day, dustin was commenting on how i seemed like a zombie tho i didnt think i was that bad n saying how thatd seem bad when i have a review, but i dont act like a zombie with customers, they had me checking in grocery and running till for 8 hrs straight what do you expect? i didnt move around at all i stood in the same hour the whole time, thats enough to melt anyone's brain staring at a piece of paper and dealing with ppl for 8 hrs with out being able to sit.
and i don't do great with morning's the manager is aware that my mind wont wake up before 4 pm. ive told her ill do what ever she needs me to do, ill work whenever but i cant help if my brain feels mooshy all i can day is work around it the way i have done all my life. i may be losing my midnights too because the manager's son is now working and he wants midnights, so that may be saying bye bye to my extra 50 or do dollars every paycheck.
my car wouldnt start this morning so i had to get a ride to work. luckily the manager's kid was able to come get me. i got a ride home from a cop which was nice of her. it took an hr or so to get my car jump started, my foster dad came over and helped me, then i went filled it with gas and ran it to my foster parents and back to get it running for a while so it hopefully with start tomorrow morning. i have to baby sit tomorrow, i guess the kids are just going to spend the night here, so i have to set them up with chairs n such. my foster parents are gonna bring some chairs i guess and stuff for them to sleep on and a game cube, because there is nothing to do at my house. they'll be able to watch movies and play game cube thats about it. if i decide to sleep then dj may be able to play runescape on the comp, but there's no way im just sitting on my bed all night so someone can get on my computer. im sorry i work all day i need something else to do.
rochelle tried to talk to me twice today and i wasn't here. i think out of everything today that pisses me off the most because ive rather missed her lately and wanted to talk to her. we used to talk every day for hours, and we havent been able to really in two months. i got to talk to her for 5 minutes the other night and that was it. perhaps it just makes me miss her so much because i've been stuck in loneliness for so long, but she's a good friend and one that i care about. not alot of people i can say i really care about or overly think of when not directly talking to them. i think there's 3. ravyn, danielle and rochelle. i hope something in life changes soon, i want a purpose and to feel alive. perhaps eventually i won't spend every night alone, with out someone to love who loves me back. amazing how much just being loved by someone you care about can make things better. but, i shall stop my train of thought before i get depressing or overly longing for someone to be here to hold tightly in my arms. and now i succeeded in making images flash in my mind.
"i don't wanna be, i don't wanna be me i don't wanna be me anymore"
