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You ever have one of those days where everything seems to be all cloudy and like you are looking at everything through a bubble or a mist of fog or something? That has been the way I have been all day. I am exhausted as hell but can't sleep.
I am not used to everything hitting me all at once like an 18 wheeler. I am sure I have made some irrational decisions just out of the blue the past few days, and eventually I will fix those.
Not sure if I am going to the funeral or not yet, I think I am going to try, I have to, I don't want it to weigh down on me anymore then it is now. At the same time I need to be excited for my daughter graduating Saturday, it's her day! All she kept saying to me today is mom I can't believe I did it. I am super proud of her, and it will be such an extreme joy to watch her walk on Saturday. Then she will have her senior all nighter. I feel bad that all this has happened with my grandmother passing away right at the time of her graduation.
I also called the transitional place yesterday, updated her on everything going on and I am suppose to call back sometime when I get back late next week. She was still waiting on some papers that I had signed releases for to be able to staff this, she did tell me that the rooms would not fill up that quick, which I really need to have one of those rooms.
When I was out today, I did pick up an application for a convenience store, I will turn it in tomorrow, but that goes back to I can't do anything until I get back from Montana, but at least they can review it.
I am finding myself doing a lot of thinking and actually realizing just how scared of things I am. I am sorry, I will not explain that, but it makes a lot of sense. I have feel like an extreme failure in so many ways.
Tomorrow is my 3 year anniversary on here as well, should I be excited or shall I think that I really have no life what so ever.
