I think I mentioned, before, that I make a great effort to minimize my real world drama, in blogs, on Fubar.
The dirty little secret, let out of the bag, is that I have Myspace for those sorts of blogs.
But the last few days have been pure Hell and I felt like, at least, a few people on Fu would want to know why I haven't been around. So, for their sakes, I will provide an overview of what's been happening in my world that is keeping me away.
What is probably the least important factor, but the most directly effecting one is that I made a bulls rush decision to try and quit smoking three days ago. It did not go well. I found myself fighting through about twenty to twenty-four hours of a nicotine fit, successfully onto to realize that this, apparently, represents my breaking point.
That has been a total bitch.
About a year ago I was laid off from my job. At the time it seemed like no big deal. I had a part time, self employed thing, consulting with small businesses, that I had been doing on the side, anyway.
After the lay off, I decided to give self employment a full time shot.
Things went great for awhile. Then they started to slow down. And now making money, at all, in this endeavor is next to impossible.
I made the mistake of training my clients about what I was doing. I taught them enough that I put myself out of demand. Now they simply network, amongst themselves, to share the knowledge and skills that I had provided to them, as a group.
I've fallen out of the loop.
To add problems, I bought a car two years ago. I had just been through a divorce, a few years earlier, and aspects of that divorce were still on my credit. So, I had to go to a "remedial lender", in this case a company called Drivetime.
Long story short, I signed papers to purchase a car from them that bluebooked, at the time of sale, at about eight grand. They were charging twelve. But beggars can't be choosers and I agreed to it. I had to have a car to work.
Two years later, and eleven grand into a car that, now, bluebooks at a tad over six thousand, I had to call them and ask for an extension on my payment. Their response was that, since I am self employed, I am a flight risk. They denied the extension and have filed for repossession.
Upon hearing this I broke out my paperwork, on the car, to figure out how close I as to paying it off. Remember this car bluebooked, at the time of sale, at eight grand... Well, after paying eleven grand I have discovered that I sill owe twelve grand more.
$22,000.00 for a $6,250.00 car.
I've decided NOT to fight the repossession, though I am going to raise total Hell with every agency that I can complain to about the fact that I think predatory lending laws were broken in my contract.
I don't own a backup car any more. I allowed my ex, just before we broke up, to sell a paid off Chevy Blazer that I owned. We never drove it and I caved in, to her pressure, and allowed her to sell it, basically, as junk.
It looks like I will be a pedestrian for awhile.
I have to find a job that actually will cover bills, since my attempt at self employment has tanked. Finding work, in this area, without a car, is just about impossible. Since I have lived in the Southside of Atlanta, I have not had a job, at all, that was any closer than a thirty or forty minute drive.
So things are going to get very difficult for awhile.
And, now, with a repossession on my credit, getting another car is going to basically require an act of God.
Thanks to half a handful of Klonezepam, I can sit here and write about this, tonight. But, without sedation, this entire reality is simply overpowering to me. I have always been good at figuring out contingency plans. This time I am drawing a blank.
No car. No real income. No real chance to find work, now... I'm ready to start eyeballing freeway overpasses looking for a new home.
And that, friends, is why I have been absent from the wonderful world of Fubar. Things have gotten tough enough that I just don't have time or patience for distraction these days.
I am sure that, before too long, I'll figure something out, and get it all in order. I am good that way. But, as things stand now, I am about ready to develop a huge drug habit and just give up on everything.
Maybe there is a perverse freedom in that idea. Who knows.
I'll update this when new info when I get any.
