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Questions
Current mood:  depressed
Do i want to leave him? No, but i dont have him anyway, so what would it matter? Ill never be more than a possession to him, a pretty little ornament that has no purpose and a warm body next to him at night. Ill never have his heart, he wont give it to me. There will always be an easy way out so why should I want to stay? There is no place for me in this world except in the heart of a 15 year old who shouldn't have to live like he does.
I cant have what i want no matter what, so why should i even bother to try anymore. No matter what i do itll never be good enough and i still end up alone and lonely. The people that should care dont and the ones that do cant fix whats wrong. Im tired of hearing how hes not good enough. No one knows just what he puts up with on a daily basis, or the things he does to tke care of me. No one knows the abuse he puts up with, or the torment. Only i have the right to put him down for what he does. i made the choice to be with him, and i have to decide if it is enough. all i need is for someone to listen to what im saying and try to understand that my world is in utter chaos and i cant fix it. i cant go back and i cant go forward and the present hurts too much to stay in it.
im too tired to really much care anymore what happens to me, as long as my baby is ok. so just worry about what he needs. Wonder if hes hurting, or in need. Be the friend he needs, cuz hes the one who keeps getting hurt. Hes the one who picks up the pieces when i fall apart, and hes the one who keeps me alive. If anyone needs attention and support, its him. Hes the one who has been abandoned by his family, all because he thinks im worth saving. So take care of him.
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