2:30pm
Today is Monday. Yup.....
I'm stuck. I've lost all thoughts. I don't know what to do. I'm talking about my homework. I was supposed to type a compare/contrast essay which was due last week. I skipped class for very personal reasons. Had I known... I would've gone to class, taken a 0 and then just left the rest of the class, or maybe just stayed there since we usually let out at 8:30pm.
What am I going to do? I know what I want to write about. I drew up an outline, and it makes sense, but when I want to write about it, nothing makes sense at all. I shouldn't be in this state of mind.
It's the 1st time I've seriously slacked off in a long time, and trust me, I'm not too proud of it at all. Who knows, maybe the teacher might drop a grade. So if I wrote a B paper, maybe I might get a C paper. He does not give extra credit. I know that for a fact.
I don't feel like going to class for the 2nd Monday in a row. I don't feel like going to the Dodgers game either. What's up with that???? If I would've known I had an invite, I wouldn't have skipped class last Monday and I would've skipped class today. Today of all days when I am sinking into a depression again. It figures. There really isn't much to do. My journal has been helping me. I've been drawing and doodling and writing my songs in there. Someday I'll post up some samples. I have an artistic and visual side.
One thing for sure, even though I'm "depressed" I'm not about to let that defeat me. I have very good grounds for being the way I am right now and feeling the way I do. No one else is to blame. Go head, and read the blog before this one, you'll be surprised.
I forgot to add a couple of details from the last one though. The real reason why I am in this trance. It sucks.
Last Tuesday I had happened to receive a "restricted" phone call. This happened while I was on the phone with my mother, just checking in and letting her know I made it ok to a place I told her I would visit. So anyway, I received a phone call. Like a dummy, I picked up the other line thinking it was someone else. My heart sank to the bottom, well to the lowest of the low it'd already been to. I had to hang up. To make matter worse, I was about to eat bfast. I hadn't ate at all the day bfore which was Monday. Yeah I know shoot me now why don't you. So because I hung up on him, he happened to blow up my cell phone with several text messages.
I was already a mess. I wanted to leave my room and go for a jog, but because I didn't know the area, I didn't want to make a fool of myself. I later met up with someone. Fun times I'd like to say. I wish I could say I could enjoy every moment of it, which I did, but not as much as I wanted to.
So ever since Tuesday, I hadn't been the same. My thoughts and my emotions have been all over the place. I kept getting these weird calls so I told a couple of people not to text and that I'd call them. I was so distracted that day. Everyone noticed, including complete strangers. That's just me. My eyes do all the talking.
I didn't eat at all. I left my room, checked out, went to the school. I didn't want to eat at all. I just wanted to cry, kick, scream, and run away from it all. Everything has a purpose though.
I shouldn't have visited my other friend. He was at home sick and all. I felt bad for him. I just visited for a while because I had nowhere else to turn to. It was nice. Yeah I'm a nerdette like that. He let me rest for a while, and then I decided to head out. I needed to clear my head for a while. I somehow ended up near a road that would've taken me to the mountains. Yeah... But I didn't go after all. It wasn't time yet. After a while of delegating and whatnot, I decided to head back home. I guess you could say I was somewhat speeding on the freeway, but everytime I caught myself, I would go on the right side of the road. I let other cars pass me by.
Wednesday was supposed to be my day off, but I decided to go to work. Nothing special. My coworkers noticed I was completely not there. They murmmured amongst themselves, but luckily, it was my short work day.
Thursday, another day right? Still hadn't ate at all. Everyone was trying to force feed me, but they wouldn't have undersstood.
I would keep going, but I don't wanna ruin the mood I'm in. i'm feeling ok for now. I should go to the library and catch up on my reading. While I'm there, I should catch up on other things.
By the way, I no longer have a cell phone. I won't be able to text or call anyone. I won't be able to receive phone calls. I thought about getting a prepaid phone line, but it's kind of dumb to get a temporary phone number. It's been 3 days since I had my line suspended. I don't need a phone for now. It's ok with me. As much as I'd hate to admit to being a text whore, I don't need the phone, and well people can either email me or IM me if I happen to be online. That's all I can say for now. I wonder if people will start a pool and see how long I could seriously last without a phone line. Should be interesting for now.... 2:47pm
