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1. You actually feel sad that you're not at home alone on a Friday night, watching TV. 2. You don't consider yourself shallow, but you can't help but think, "I can't be caught dead being seen with this ugly mothafucka!" 3. If it wasn't for the excessive alcoholic drinks, you don't know how you would've survived the night. 4. You swear that was the longest, most excrutiating night of your life, but you get home BEFORE 11:30 pm. 5. You would pay attention more to the conversation if your date didn't have something green wedged in his teeth. 6. Your date takes you to one of "their" spots, and you don't say more than three words on the date. And funny thing, they don't even notice. 7. You've actually contemplated more than once about calling some of your friends to come and beat up your date. 8. The fact they threw up on your shoes IS NOT the worst part of the date. 9. You actually make plans to move, because you can't stand the thought that they actually know where you live. 10. The only positive part of your date is that your meal actually came with a toy. 11. The thought of kissing your date makes you puke up a lil in your mouth :|. 12. At the end of the date, you still don't know that much about them, but you know a SHITLOAD about their ex's. 13. Watching others on actual good dates around you has put you into a deep depression. 14. You try your hardest NOT to be funny, because your date's laugh is way, way, WAY TOO WEIRD AND ANNOYING to EVER be heard again. EVER. 15. You actually try to fake an illness that you scientifically CAN NOT be afflicted with (i.e. a man with severe menstrual cramps, a woman with testicular swelling, a dark-skinned black man with sunburn). 16. You find yourself in a conversation with your date, and have stumbled onto a very AWKWARD topic, but your date stays on that topic for the next 30 minutes. 17. You look back in your past and think of anybody you may have done wrong, and wonder, "Is this just bad karma, or is God just fuckin' with me?" 18. The day after your date, your phone rings, and you see their phone number on the caller ID, you actually RUN AWAY AND HIDE FROM THE PHONE. 19. You chalk up the whole night as your GOOD DEED of the day.
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