I was at a restaurant a few weeks ago, and some woman just sat down next to me and started up a conversation. She was a nice lady, and the conversation was ok, but then it led to this question...."So what do you look for in an ideal woman?". I was about to answer this question when I paused and thought for a moment. Then I told her that I would only know a woman is ideal for me AFTER I get to know her.
I realized in that split second what I've been doing wrong for sooooo long. What many people do that is sooooo wrong. We get on websites and chat rooms, we go to bars and social events, and we tell total strangers what qualities we look for in someone we would like to date or be intimate with. And there are two fundemental flaws with that. First, we're telling people how to "act" or "be" in order to get to that next level with us personally. Which means that any random asshole, bitch, or psycho would only have to put on a front according to our "preferences" so we can let our walls down and they can get what they want from us. Most of the time it ends up being sex. Other times, it could be money or influence. Whatever it is, we set ourselves up for failure from the beginning by letting someone know how to peak our interest and eventually win our hearts.
Second fundemental flaw, we actually start believing in our own bullshit. Now you don't have to admit it to me, but I bet a whole bunch of you, if not ALL of you have done this. Instead of looking for those personally attractive qualities in just anybody, you scratch and dig to find those qualities in someone you find physically attractive. In other words, we ignore or dismiss the ones who do exemplify those qualities who might not be that sexy, but look for and try to justify that someone who is sexy beyond sexy actually posess those qualities, when it's obvious they don't.
We need to stop with this "ideal" or "soulmate" bullshit. If we stop runnin' around looking for a certain quality in people, and just get to know people all around, we would actually notice who truly have those qualities that we like and admire in a lover or friend. Stop catering to a fantasy that won't happen, and that no one could ever live up to, and actually let life surprise you. I've been let down by too many women to sit here and tell you what I look for in a woman. Because I found those qualities in those women, and they all let me down ten-fold. Yet the ones who I ignored or pushed aside, have always risen above expectation. And because of my bone-headedness (is that a word?), lucky guys have scooped up most if not all of these great women.
So if you find yourself tellin' someone, or tellin' yourself "I'm lookin' for a love who is....", STOP!!!! You don't look for love, you don't look for intangible qualities, those qualities present themselves to you when it's time. It's up to you to notice them at the appropriate times, not when you WANT them to show up.
But hey, this is just my opinion......my word ain't law......