Ok as of late I have had many many people asking me about my life and all kinds of shit that pertain to it and am quite frankly getting tired of answering the same damn questions all the time, so I am thinking I will try to take care of a few of them right now. I’ll give you a quick little glimpse into the life of Wicked Lil Girl.
I am 29 almost 30 years old . . . I was born August 17, 1977 (yes the day after Elvis died). Nothing remarkable happened to me that I am ware of in the first few years of my life other than my constant exposure to death. When I was 2 my sister was born. I have no other siblings it’s just me and her.
On April 5, 1986 when I was 8 years old, my mother took my sister and I to watch The Jungle Book at the local Palace Theater. While we were gone my father decided to shoot and kill himself with a 12 gauge shotgun. No, none of us saw him, his sister went to the house while we were gone and found him so we were met at the Palace and were never allowed into that house again. My mother rather than allow us into the home or to keep anything from the home destroyed everything in a fire. This has left me with serious trust issues with men in my life. I have this uncanny ability to distrust and hide from and destroy any relationship with any and every man I meet . . . And I take as much blame for it personally as I lay upon the grave of my father. I am just now 21 years after his death beginning to slowly deal with it, and I do mean slowly . . . I have amazing skills in the areas of denial and avoidance when it comes to things that are to painful for me . . . I will close them out of my mind and never acknowledge them. Yes, a very unhealthy practice and the reason I have no memories of my life really until I was about 13. I have blocked them out and just now learning to retrieve them . . . Which is one day going to lead to a complete emotional breakdown and everyone who knows me is only waiting for this day to come.
I lost my virginity in a Little League baseball dugout to a complete stranger when I was 13 years old. He was 16 and walked up to me and my friend while we were at a local elementary school and talked to us for a few minutes. He asked me if I believed in premarital sex and I said yes and next thing I knew were off to the park down the street and making our way to find somewhere private. As we were having sex in this dugout there were many people out searching for me . . . When my mother finally found me rather than deal with me she dropped me off with my grandmother and went out and drinking. I’m not proud of the way that I lost my virginity but dammit I am not ashamed either, that helped me develop my attitude about sex that I have.
At about 14 I found out that I have a blood disorder and am bipolar. Ok, not a big deal so I went on with my life as I normally would. I got drunk and stoned all the time. I got weird drunken tattoos. I became a cutter (brilliant with a blood disorder I know). I had a steady boyfriend for 2 years and became obsessed with sex. I missed 100 of the 180 days of school my 1st sophomore year of high school because I was at his house having sex with him. I was devastated when him and I broke up, so I found another guy really quickly. I chose a friend I had had since I had been 4 or 5 years old. I started drinking and doing even more drugs at this point, there was not a substance that I would not put into my body. I was hell bent on being dead before I was 18 and shooting for 16. A very close friend was shot and killed by the local police force and I spent a month maybe so fucked up on everything I touched that I do not remember that month at all.
In March of 1994 when I was 16 I had my spleen removed to try to help with the blood disorder. I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant. I had a very very tough decision to make, I had not only been drunk and stoned up until the day of my surgery I had been given a morphine drip for 5 days while in the hospital, these factors on top of the health risks I had and could pass on to the baby made for very long nights of thought and tears. I finally decided that for that baby to have lived through that it was meant to be alive so decided that I was going to have the baby. On November 8, 1994 I along with my son both died during my delivery. The both of us were resuscitated and recovered thankfully and I now have a 12 year old son who I love more than my life.
I graduated high school in 1995 with my 6 month old son in the audience. His father was long out of the picture by this point and I was moving on with our lives. I had gotten a job and an apartment and was doing fine without him anyway. So I raised my son on my own . . . Held down many jobs (all of which involved a bar in one way or another) . . . Paid my own bills . . . Expected nothing from anyone. I became friends once again with my sons’ father and his wife, I hold nothing against him because it takes up too much of my time and energy and I just don’t care that much. I do not press him for child support though I do feel he is obligated to my son for it, but I have proven that I can make it without his few dollars a month.
My son started school and so did I. When he went to grade school I went to college. I worked full time in a local dive bar and went to school full time and raised my son. I quit my job at the bar after 2 and half years though because I had to give up something and education was not an option. I was determined for my son to see me struggle and make something of myself. I decided to major in English and minor in modern literature and worked hard toward my degree. In 2001 I wrote a paper about my life and how I got to college which won me a local writing award. In 2003 I write an essay that won me a scholarship for a 2 week study abroad trip to Italy. In 2005 I graduated from The Ohio State University with a 3.78 GPA and a Bachelor of Arts Degree in English. I worked very hard for that degree and was dying to have my son see me walk across that stage . . . But my car broke down on the way to the ceremony so my son went and watched the entire ceremony but I was not in it. I spent the entire time on the side of the highway with my neighbor and her 2 children.
I then sat around trying to find work for a bit when my neighbor talked me into an EMT course. So I am now an EMT and yes I do like my job and yes I am good at my job. No the job does not bother me most days, certain aspects of it of course do, but I am able to leave everything there at work and come home to my son as if it was a 9-5 office job. I work extremely long hours, make very little money, and do not see my son as much as I would like . . . But I am proud of what I do.
See here I am staring 30 in the eye and have changed my entire life on my own. I have quit doing drugs . . . Unless they are prescribed to me. I only drink maybe 3 times a month if that. I quit smoking cigarettes years ago. I have had sex with 20 people in my entire life and that does include men and women. Now, take into consideration that I have had sex more times than I can even imagine but I am a little more careful now about who I chose to allow to touch me. I have standards for the most part when it comes to sex. Though I freely admit that I break down and break rules once in a while. I have never had sex with a married man, and never will . . . I will not do that. I will not say I have never had sex with a married woman because I have but it was under special circumstances. I do not have any real fetishes to speak of when it comes to sex, I am just very open minded. I live by the theory that I will try anything twice, just because I didn’t like it the first time doesn’t mean I won’t like it a second time. I do enjoy oral sex and I do enjoy anal sex if it is with the right person. I do engage in phone sex frequently because I enjoy hearing other people enjoying themselves as well as like having them hear me. I guess I am a very auditory person.
I am honestly at this point out of things that I want to share, or that I can think of because I did just get off of a 12 hour shift at work. You may all feel free to ask me anything else you would want to know . . . I am not shy, I am honest, and I do not hide things or make apologies for them . . . So if you are truly interested please feel free to ask what you wish.
