~What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
. . . . Hmm well I can promise you that if I fuck you that I will not get emotionally attached to you, so ya game?
~Are you a jealous person?
. . . . What am I supposed to be jealous of? There are days that I am envious of Tig if that counts
~Does it get annoying when somebody says they'll call you, but doesn't?
. . . . To me not so much but after I hunt them down and beat them repeatedly with their phone they maybe a little annoyed then
~If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest, what would you say?
. . . . “If I fuck you I’ll have to kill you and you just aren’t worth the prison time, now scurry along like a good little idiot”
~Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
. . . . Uhm, next question
~Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
. . . . If there are more than two numbers in the total I can’t manage to comprehend the addition so I just throw the box down and run over it with my cart screaming “you’ll never make me conform, fuck you corn flakes”
~What was the last thing to scare you?
. . . . Well when I opened your drawer last night and those nude pics of George W fell out I was scared you might be going Republican there for a minute
~When was the last time you slept on the floor?
. . . . I guess that would have been when I had that dead hooker on my bed and no one here to help me move her off, I can’t sleep with a corpse people will talk
~Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
. . . . Well in my defense he had a pulse and I am pretty sure at least half a tooth and I mean there was no one else around and shit forget I mentioned that
~Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes?
. . . . They have all these rules now and just because I want to take a stick or two of dynamite on vacation with me they get all worked up and start throwing big words at me
~Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
. . . . Well hell that is one of my requirements for dating
~Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date?
. . . . He should just pay the agreed upon price and stop seeing it as a date, just hand her the money and take her back to her corner already
~Which do you make - wishes or plans?
. . . . Seriously do I look like Martha Stewart to you, I do not make anything
~Has anyone told you a secret this week?
. . . . Yes but I’m sure it wasn’t contagious
~Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
. . . . I would rather Photoshop the pics of you to make it look like you are molesting the dog and then call PETA and show them and see how far you will go to prove you aren’t fucking Fluffy
~If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
. . . . I promise you it is not Asian hooker
~How many siblings do you have?
. . . . Well there was Fluffy until you drove her to jump in front of that train denying your love for her and all
~Who is in the house with you?
. . . . I don’t know but the last call came from within the house so it’s a matter of time really
~What did you do last night?
. . . . I was standing outside your window watching you masturbate to pictures of puppies
~What does the 5th text on your cell phone say?
. . . . “The sores are where? I swear my test was negative. Ok how much for the Penicillin?”
~What are you eating right now?
. . . . Your innocence
~What bothers you the most about the opposite sex?
. . . . For some reason or other they all seem to breathe and I’m not sure why they do it so often
~What is the thing you look for in the preferred sex?
. . . . A pulse
~What was the first thing a girl bought for you?
. . . . Do restraining orders count as a gift?
~What do you want for your b'day?
. . . . Your soul
~Do you have an air freshener in your car?
. . . . Nope just snort a bunch of coke so I don’t think about the smells
~If you could drink anything right this second, what would be?
. . . . Well there was this chalice of blood I had my eye on yesterday
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