Ah yes the self destructive path. its the path im going down. why the fuck should i try to be productive if theyve given me A death sentence anyways?whats the point in trying if your going to fail inevitably. why cause yourself that pain when you can just be, until the end when death takes you.
i made my advance directive (living will). I Katherine Long choose to refuse any and all medical treatments. i want my organs to be donated and given to science and i want no life saving treatments.In the event of a medical mishap or complications of my disease the only medical treatment i wish to receive is painkillers.i do not wish to stay in the hospital.i'll be honest, i am kind of afraid. not really of dieing but afraid of not knowing exactly how much time i have left. Im also afraid because i dont want to be in pain,but thats all.i want nothing more than to just spend my time doing the things i like until im gone.No doctors no tears with family or friends.i dont want to spend the time i have left being treated like that sad little girl whos going to die and i sure as shit dont want to put up with people blubbering about how upset they are with my choice to refuse medical treatment so i chose not to tell them.im going to organ in a few weeks to spend time with my family up there.im excited i want to see my nephews so bad i miss them soo much .id have to say my only regret is not being very family oriented. i wish that i could have been a better daughter, sister, godmother, aunt,girlfriend. just a better person in general.i always had this idea that id be the one to grow up and go to school and get the good job so that i could take care of everyone i care so much about. i always imagined things that way id be the one to make a difference.Enough of this sad shit now though. life is precious! take that into account and run with it and dont ever look back.if you like someone or care about someone tell them and do everything you can to just be happy and let people know how important they are to you.Just fucking do it!
