Chrissy in CT's blog: "The toughest woman i know..."

Firstly good morning to all the insomniacs here and those with shit on their mind like me at this ungodly hour of the morning lol! This is just me rambling my thoughts in type because they weigh heavy on my mind tonight. Not only am i stuffed up, sunburnt and had to go check the office for a suspected burglar (false alarm) but am wondering about my life too. Why is it that someone with 10,000 friends can feel so insecure in herself sometimes? Perhaps its not me that im insecure in, it's the relationships i form with others. I myself hold myself to the highest degree of being straightforward and honest with EVERYONE! I am not and have never been the female version of a player on this site or in real life. I expect that honesty from everyone who engages me in conversation, friendship or otherwise. Perhaps im naive and thats why it hurts me so much when i feel i am being decieved by anyone. Its so easy to play games with a person's head and heart here and as "tough" as i maintain i am there is that small part of me that is marshmallow in substance and gets me in trouble everytime. All i have ever wanted in this life is to be loved by someone. Someone told me today i could command the hearts of 100,000 men and i told them i only wish to have one heart that is true and for only me. Sounds simple enough right? lol I dont think it is anymore. The funny thing is that no matter what roads i take in life i know in my heart that I'm ok and will survive what ever disappointments life has to offer. Maybe its the old saying of having to earn your rewards before you recieve them. Crap im 45 when do i cash in? lol Well enuff rambling for now i gotta try to sleep so i can deal with my narcissitic megolomaniac boss at 9am. Love and kisses to you all and thanks for listening (and to those who fell asleep reading this...yw for the sedative)lol! chrissy