Chrissy in CT's blog: "The toughest woman i know..."

This is gonna be a vent and I apologize from the beginning. Way back in 1999 when i was first diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue i thought that this was pain. My hands hurt, the Raynauds was off the chain and almost dying of a blood clot not only scared me but it hurt too. I got better and from that day forward pushed and strove and worked cuz i had to. I had a child to support. When they diagnosed me with fibro in 2010 it was because everything hurt. I had trigeminal nerve issues and neuropathy in my feet and all my fibro trigger points hurt. I thought if this is as bad as it gets im fine with the Neurontin.

Now these fistulas...lord help me but I cannot take this anymore. Never in my life have i been a pain pill person. When it was prescribed for back pain or tooth things id take one and flush the rest or keep them for random headaches etc. But never once was it a daily thing. I havent cleaned my house in 2 mos, I havent done laundry god knows when. I wash my stuff out as i can. It is hard for me to stand to do anything w/o drugging myself to do it. Walking the dog requires pain pill. Cooking dinner requires pain pill. I honestly do not know what the future holds for me with this stuff. Tuesday is Dr. day if the weather cooperates and I am having my friend go with me to cover all bases. I want to know once and for all is this gonna be like this in an ongoing basis, because if it is I am not gonna be able to stand it. I just want them to remove my rectum, sew me shut and give me a colostomy. I cry daily in pain, because i try so hard not to take them. Anyone who knows me knows I have been through so much in my life. I have handled it all with grace and humor. I am just so worn down and tired. This whole thing has been an ongoing issue since last may. It will be a year soon and im still not right. After i have a bm i feel as though my ass is gonna explode and no one seems to listen or care. And there is no one else to see nearby or would be willing to take over this mess mid stream. I'm sorry for not having anything wonderful to say about my life. I wish i did.