by Bob Narindra
One of the most problematic areas of a relationship is low self-esteem and its effects can be devastating. This is a problem that affects most people at some stage in their life but if it is not dealt with, it can destroy a relationship or at least make it impossible to get involved in one. The problem with low self-esteem is that it does not just affect the person who is insecure. It also affects anyone they are in contact with, be it family, friends or co-workers. If you or someone you know suffers from low self esteem, this article looks at a few of the possible causes of the problem and gives a few helpful solutions.
Common Examples
Weight/Body Shape
Feel overweight or have the wrong body shape.
General Insecurity
Not good enough for their partner, feel inadequate or unable to be assertive.
Race or Religion
Insecure about race, color or religious background
Station In Life
Not earning enough
Not getting promoted
Out of work
Lost job
Causes of Low Self-Esteem
A. Past Failures
The effects of failure can be very harsh to deal with, especially when accompanied by "I told you so's." Once you have tried and failed at something, your confidence takes a jolt and you are weary of trying new things in the future.
B. Wrong Doings
Committing harmful acts against others is a major cause of low self-esteem. How can you feel good about yourself when you continually do things to hurt other people?
C. Invalidation
Invalidation from other people can be devastating, especially if it comes from an authority figure or someone you look up to. Usually the person makes a few remarks or comments that hurt so much that they cause a change in how you view yourself. This can happen at any time in a person's life and in any area.
Let's say, for example, that you are feeling good about your body and enjoying life until, one day, you overhear someone say that you are gaining weight. From that moment on, you start to think twice before eating something, or drinking something. You wonder if they are right, so you go check yourself in a mirror or on a scale. You start listening to what other people are saying and wonder if they, too, are talking about you. You start trying to control what you eat and then scold yourself when you slip up. You see what has happened? You end up in a dwindling spiral of self-invalidation!
Solutions to Low Self-Esteem
If You Have Low Self-Esteem
The first thing to do is to handle your immediate environment.
Usually you will find that you have neglected your friends, your body and your environment. Clean up your apartment, do the laundry, dishes or anything else you have neglected. Get done anything you have been "meaning to do." This also includes making sure you get enough sleep and eat properly etc.
Get Re-acquainted
Catch up on some friends that you have neglected and/or re-acquaint yourself with your sweetheart. If you do have a partner, use some of the romantic ideas on this site. This step will really help you to understand that you do have people around you that care about you.
Get some exercise
One of the best ways to accomplish this is to make sure you take a walk every day. While walking, try to just look at the environment around you and not worry or think about things.
Start writing a journal
Keeping a journal can be invaluable therapy. Everyday sit down in a quiet place and just write whatever comes to mind. It is almost like downloading every thought you have into your journal. Once you have downloaded them, you will find that there is no need to continually think about them and will start to feel better. After a few days you will also start to see some patterns emerging that have affected your life so far.
After a while of doing this, you will feel a lot better about yourself and you should start to realize what caused your feelings of low self-esteem in the first place. Solutions will start to present themselves and your new outlook on life will bring with it new opportunities to further improve your environment.
If Your Partner Has Low Self-Esteem
If your partner is suffering from low self-esteem, then your job is to re-assure them. There is very little that cannot be cured by love, understanding and just being there for them. You should also be careful not to judge them or invalidate them for feeling the way they do. Bring back the romance in your relationship, show them how you feel about them and re-assure them that you love them no matter what. You should also softly encourage them to do the above steps. One of the best ways to do this is to do them for yourself and encourage your partner to help you or do them also.
