Lost Angel's blog: "Self Help"

by Jennifer Good "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." -Source Unknown Don't hold back communication. You should always feel free to express an upset or talk about something you feel is wrong. Remember, it isn't WHAT you say… it's HOW you say it! Make sure you have enough time to actually hash out your differences. If you try to stop your partner on his way to work, or you call her on your lunch break, chances are you're going to be left feeling dissatisfied and unacknowledged due to a lack of time. If necessary, agree upon a future time to discuss the matter at hand. Being considerate of your partner's time contributes to the amount of courtesy your partner will show when faced with your discussion. Don't assume anything! It is not possible to know exactly what is going on, unless you actually hear it from your partner's perspective. Don't try to figure out what they're thinking, just ask. It can save you a lot of grief and avoid HUGE misconceptions by taking the time to just talk it over. Don't bring the past into a current discussion. If you actually want a problem resolved you have to make your partner feel like they can actually resolve it. When you bring up the past you are communicating to them, that no matter what changes or efforts they given to improve the condition, you will still hold them accountable for past actions. Where's the motivation for improvement there? If something is your fault, say you're sorry! Don't hold out and try to redirect the blame to something or someone else. If you broke a promise, said something you wished you didn't or did something you'd rather not confess to, it's up to you to make amends. Not only will YOU feel better about your ability to come clean, but your partner will learn to trust you more knowing you're willing to accept responsibility. Take a timeout before things get too heated. If you feel your anger level rising, take a 15 minute timeout to gain a new perspective. Take a walk, listen to some music or do some housecleaning to help dissipate your ire. Don't fight in front of friends or family. You automatically put the other person on guard when you enter into a major disagreement in front of others. In addition, instead of the disagreement staying a personal matter, which it should be, it now becomes open to other input. Trust me; you do not want anyone else adding in their two cents, even if it's in support of your feelings. Think about it from your partner's shoes. Would you actually give an open and honest discussion if you felt you were up against an army? Agree that you will both talk about what happened away from prying eyes and ears. "The next time you want to see eye to eye, try using your ears." -Source Unknown

by Jennifer Good Just about everyone wants to know how they can make their relationship better. They want to know how they can deepen the commitment and love between each partner. Unfortunately relationships are not something you can provide a "to do" sheet for and all will be solved, but with these five key secrets you can certainly improve your chances for getting all you desire out of your relationship. Do things unexpectedly. One key secret to a successful relationship is compromise. Meeting halfway on things shows your partner that you really do care about their viewpoint and you are willing to work on making each other happy. Every so often make it a point to do something that you normally would not agree to or feel like doing. When you keep your partner constantly surprised by your actions, you regenerate that "new love" feeling time and time again. So, when your partner asks if you want to try that new restaurant…say yes! If they ask if you want to try a new hobby…say yes! Show your loyalty. Nothing strengthens a relationship quite like watching your partner go to bat for you, especially against close friends or family members. It shows that you consider your relationship a team. If you harass one member of a team, you harass them all. When you side with other people against your partner you make them feel alienated and the seeds of hidden resentment become planted. You can show loyalty positively as well by bragging about your partner's recent accomplishments to friends and family. Be supportive. Challenges and opportunities are always going to occur. You can't stop them from happening. Hopefully for both of you the changes in your lives are positive ones. The secret key here is having a supporting and understanding mate in your corner to help you through your ups and downs. If you lose your job, it's quite a bit easier to bounce back when you have someone who's willing to support your choices and any new directions you might want to branch out to. If you want a career or lifestyle change, imagine the difference having someone who will carefully consider and support those changes? When your partner is presenting you with a challenge or an opportunity, treat them the way you'd want to be treated. Maintain a healthy dose of individuality. Personal time and space are essential to growing individually. Everyone one needs private time to do the things they want to do. It helps refocus attention to the priorities. Sometimes you or your partner may just need time to release emotions from a bad day, instead of bringing it home with them. Learning to respect and notice when your partner needs some individual time shows that you are committed to not only your relationship, but their long-term happiness as well. Love your partner. Love is obviously a crucial element in a successful long-term relationship. But having love isn't enough. You need to be in love. The phrase "love is a verb, not a noun" certainly applies here. Don't hesitate to write that quick love note, give that deep kiss, sit next to each other at a restaurant or hold hands in public. The little things go a long way towards establishing a deep, intimate connection with your partner. As simple as it sounds, this action is probably the most commonly overlooked and ignored.

LADIES THIS IS TRUE Dear Girls.... Don't assume that guys won't care where you are, because we do. ____________________________________________________ IT MAKES US FEEL SO SECURE TO KNOW THAT OUR GIRLFRIEND ISNT OFF FLIRTING WITH GUYS WE'VE NEVER HEARD OF!! ____________________________________________________ Also, don't talk about your ex-boyfriends. We never have, nor ever will respect or like them, nor do we want to hear about them. When you do, you're asking your boyfriend to be jealous. You're asking your boyfriend to lose trust. ____________________________________________________ We don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. ____________________________________________________ Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. ____________________________________________________ Yeah, you can quote me. ____________________________________________________ Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Smile and say "thank you." LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T "FEEL BAD" We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say - everybody together now - "thank you." ____________________________________________________ Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know nobody's looking we'll be more impressed. ____________________________________________________ You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have, put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are. honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. not all dolled up ____________________________________________________ don't flirt with guys when were not with you. We have eyes everywhere. And when we find out, we're pissed. Not necessarily with the guys you flirted with, more-so with YOU. ____________________________________________________ Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. ____________________________________________________ Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartny is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. ____________________________________________________ Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful" I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of. on the other hand im not sayin i wouldnt like it ether ; ) ____________________________________________________ Girls, I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY, DISCRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION BUTT, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ... ....AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT! Give the nice guys a chance ************************************************** Guys repost this if you agree Girls repost this if you think it's cute Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will as well

by Bob Narindra One of the most problematic areas of a relationship is low self-esteem and its effects can be devastating. This is a problem that affects most people at some stage in their life but if it is not dealt with, it can destroy a relationship or at least make it impossible to get involved in one. The problem with low self-esteem is that it does not just affect the person who is insecure. It also affects anyone they are in contact with, be it family, friends or co-workers. If you or someone you know suffers from low self esteem, this article looks at a few of the possible causes of the problem and gives a few helpful solutions. Common Examples Weight/Body Shape Feel overweight or have the wrong body shape. General Insecurity Not good enough for their partner, feel inadequate or unable to be assertive. Race or Religion Insecure about race, color or religious background Station In Life Not earning enough Not getting promoted Out of work Lost job Causes of Low Self-Esteem A. Past Failures The effects of failure can be very harsh to deal with, especially when accompanied by "I told you so's." Once you have tried and failed at something, your confidence takes a jolt and you are weary of trying new things in the future. B. Wrong Doings Committing harmful acts against others is a major cause of low self-esteem. How can you feel good about yourself when you continually do things to hurt other people? C. Invalidation Invalidation from other people can be devastating, especially if it comes from an authority figure or someone you look up to. Usually the person makes a few remarks or comments that hurt so much that they cause a change in how you view yourself. This can happen at any time in a person's life and in any area. Let's say, for example, that you are feeling good about your body and enjoying life until, one day, you overhear someone say that you are gaining weight. From that moment on, you start to think twice before eating something, or drinking something. You wonder if they are right, so you go check yourself in a mirror or on a scale. You start listening to what other people are saying and wonder if they, too, are talking about you. You start trying to control what you eat and then scold yourself when you slip up. You see what has happened? You end up in a dwindling spiral of self-invalidation! Solutions to Low Self-Esteem If You Have Low Self-Esteem The first thing to do is to handle your immediate environment. Usually you will find that you have neglected your friends, your body and your environment. Clean up your apartment, do the laundry, dishes or anything else you have neglected. Get done anything you have been "meaning to do." This also includes making sure you get enough sleep and eat properly etc. Get Re-acquainted Catch up on some friends that you have neglected and/or re-acquaint yourself with your sweetheart. If you do have a partner, use some of the romantic ideas on this site. This step will really help you to understand that you do have people around you that care about you. Get some exercise One of the best ways to accomplish this is to make sure you take a walk every day. While walking, try to just look at the environment around you and not worry or think about things. Start writing a journal Keeping a journal can be invaluable therapy. Everyday sit down in a quiet place and just write whatever comes to mind. It is almost like downloading every thought you have into your journal. Once you have downloaded them, you will find that there is no need to continually think about them and will start to feel better. After a few days you will also start to see some patterns emerging that have affected your life so far. After a while of doing this, you will feel a lot better about yourself and you should start to realize what caused your feelings of low self-esteem in the first place. Solutions will start to present themselves and your new outlook on life will bring with it new opportunities to further improve your environment. If Your Partner Has Low Self-Esteem If your partner is suffering from low self-esteem, then your job is to re-assure them. There is very little that cannot be cured by love, understanding and just being there for them. You should also be careful not to judge them or invalidate them for feeling the way they do. Bring back the romance in your relationship, show them how you feel about them and re-assure them that you love them no matter what. You should also softly encourage them to do the above steps. One of the best ways to do this is to do them for yourself and encourage your partner to help you or do them also.

by Bob Narindra If you have ever been in a relationship that failed, you most likely have sat down afterwards and wondered what went wrong. Sometimes it is easy to spot how much of it was their fault but it is not too easy to look at where you, personally, went wrong. Everybody wants to be the best at what they do, and being the best you can be for your partner is no exception. Listed below are 12 simple lessons that will help you to achieve that goal. Remember, if you want to be good to someone else, you also have to be good to yourself. 1. Be romantic. Whenever a relationship starts to fail, the lack of romance is one of the first indicators. It is very natural for people to get complacent and forget the fun things they used to do when they first got together. A relationship has to be constantly worked on and being romantic is an absolute must. If you would like some more information on how to bring the romance back in to your relationship, please take a look at some of the articles in the Romance Guide. 2. Never disparage yourself. Whenever you are disparaging yourself, you are basically saying that you are no good for your partner. If you don't believe that you are good enough for them, then you won't be. It's as simple as that. Don't sit around and beat yourself up over past mistakes, that will only prevent you from trying and succeeding at new things tomorrow. 3. Always be honest. There is not one single relationship that will succeed in the long run if built on a lie. Even if your partner never finds out the truth, the fact that you know you lied will affect your feelings for yourself and your partner. With that kind of a hindrance, the relationship will never reach it's full potential. 4. Do not do things just to keep your partner happy. How many times have you done something for or to your partner that you really did not want to do, just to make them happy? How did it make you feel? Every time you compromise yourself in that way, a piece of your love for them dies. It is much better to explain to them that you don't feel good about certain things and work on an alternative together. 5. Do not ask your partner to do things you know they don't want to do. This is the reverse of the above lesson and fairly self-explanatory. If you know they really don't like doing something, and if that something is for you and of no benefit to them, then why ask them to do it unless you are being selfish or mean? 6. Do not belittle your partner. Everyone makes mistakes in life and everyone works or catches on at different speeds. If you spend your time nagging at your partner or putting them down about every little thing they do wrong, then how can you expect them to do anything right? Do you want a life-partner or a puppy dog? 7. Do not put off things you have promised to do. Trust is an important part of any relationship and it needs to be developed. If you say you are going to do something and don't, then how can your partner rely on you in the future? 8. Always be there for your partner. Nothing is more important in your life than your partner. Friends come and go, as do children, but your partner is with you for the whole journey. If they are in trouble or need you, nothing else matters, other than to be there for them. 9. Communicate. Things change in a relationship almost on a daily basis. If you don't talk to your partner you could very easily wake up one day and find that you have drifted too far apart to bridge the gap. Related Article: How To Communicate With Your Love 10. Do not commit adultery or other harmful acts against your relationship. This one is really self-explanatory. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than infidelity or wrong doings. Related Article: Ethics In Love 11. Treat your partner with respect. It is extremely easy to take someone for granted and once you start to cross that line, it is very difficult to go back. Be careful not to treat your partner worse than you would treat your best friend. Related Article: Marriage Manners 12. Be open and receptive to your partner's wants and wishes. It takes two people to have a relationship and when you shut one of them out because you are not open to their ideas and wishes then you really don't have a relationship at all. Always be open and receptive to what they say. Also, be open to new experiences and ideas, you never know what you might learn.

You must first love yourself before you can fully love another... by Jennifer Good In life, we may find it easy to allow ourselves to love and accept multitudes of other people, but when it comes to loving ourselves we're not as forgiving. In fact, we can be quite relentless in our pursuit of perfection. So, how then do you learn to put aside all the shoulds and should nots we face, and really begin a love affair with yourself? The first step is to realize that you are somebody. You're a friend, someone's daughter or son, possibly a lover, an employee or employer, or maybe even someone's spouse. No matter how your role changes, you're still somebody. Nothing will ever change that. The next step is to take time out to actually love yourself. In romantic relationships it is often said that true love is shown through actions, not words. Learn to apply this to yourself with the following ideas, and you'll be on the road to a lifetime romance, with yourself! Dear Me... Write a love letter to yourself. In the letter describe what you really like about you, and what you'd like to improve about yourself. Keep it in a special place you can refer to when needed. Scheduling Time Make appointments with yourself to do artistic or spiritually uplifting activities. For example, you might enjoy going on a picnic at the park, taking a tour through an art museum, or taking a walk in a secluded area. The Finer Things In Life Enjoy the finer things in life! Eat on your "good" dishes. Enjoy a candlelit meal. Listen to a favorite CD over champagne. Wear your favorite clothes. Treat yourself to unexpected present. Enlighten Yourself Try learning an enlightening hobby such as yoga or meditation. Freedom Of Yourself Give yourself freedom to make mistakes. Instead of questioning why you are doing, or may have done, something, just accept that you did it. Know inside that you'll handle it when you're ready to, and that it is okay to do just that. Forgiveness Forgive yourself for something in your past. Write a letter of apology that includes everything you might have done. Seal it in an envelope, and keep it somewhere private. Day-By-Day Live life day-by-day. Try not to worry about what will, or will not happen in the future. Or, what may, or may not have happened in your past. All things are created in the present. Remember, your future and your past are created by what you are doing right now this very moment.