by Jennifer Good
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." -Source Unknown
Don't hold back communication. You should always feel free to express an upset or talk about something you feel is wrong. Remember, it isn't WHAT you say… it's HOW you say it!
Make sure you have enough time to actually hash out your differences. If you try to stop your partner on his way to work, or you call her on your lunch break, chances are you're going to be left feeling dissatisfied and unacknowledged due to a lack of time. If necessary, agree upon a future time to discuss the matter at hand. Being considerate of your partner's time contributes to the amount of courtesy your partner will show when faced with your discussion.
Don't assume anything! It is not possible to know exactly what is going on, unless you actually hear it from your partner's perspective. Don't try to figure out what they're thinking, just ask. It can save you a lot of grief and avoid HUGE misconceptions by taking the time to just talk it over.
Don't bring the past into a current discussion. If you actually want a problem resolved you have to make your partner feel like they can actually resolve it. When you bring up the past you are communicating to them, that no matter what changes or efforts they given to improve the condition, you will still hold them accountable for past actions. Where's the motivation for improvement there?
If something is your fault, say you're sorry! Don't hold out and try to redirect the blame to something or someone else. If you broke a promise, said something you wished you didn't or did something you'd rather not confess to, it's up to you to make amends. Not only will YOU feel better about your ability to come clean, but your partner will learn to trust you more knowing you're willing to accept responsibility.
Take a timeout before things get too heated. If you feel your anger level rising, take a 15 minute timeout to gain a new perspective. Take a walk, listen to some music or do some housecleaning to help dissipate your ire.
Don't fight in front of friends or family. You automatically put the other person on guard when you enter into a major disagreement in front of others. In addition, instead of the disagreement staying a personal matter, which it should be, it now becomes open to other input. Trust me; you do not want anyone else adding in their two cents, even if it's in support of your feelings. Think about it from your partner's shoes. Would you actually give an open and honest discussion if you felt you were up against an army? Agree that you will both talk about what happened away from prying eyes and ears.
"The next time you want to see eye to eye, try using your ears." -Source Unknown
