Good afternoon, Addict name Carlton available 2 u 70 days serene and so fresh and so clean clean. I had 2 add that good note in there. Just 2 encourage anyone who desire 2 change their way of free will thinking or going against God’s spiritual will.
I know I have people around me who use 2 say most of that, but not in the spiritual ream, but in the religious preaching way. Hell I am just learning what my spiritual purpose is and not that I never really understood the reglious way. Only because they as a society was like doctors, they could treat a cold, operate, but they wasn’t God they couldn’t cure. And if they were able 2 cure then this world would b turned upside down because it would b cures, 4 HIV, Sickle Cell, Hepatitis, and so on. But what do I know if a man made this designs 2 destroy human exist then maybe they are hiding the evidence of their antidoke. I know one thing they can’t cure: the disease of addiction. So far I haven’t ran into any alcoholic, sexual addict, gramble-holic, drug addict, and anyone with an addiction of habit, cure their disease, with medicine, mental or physical attention. Instead they arrest the problem. They give themselves a break by praying, going 2 meetings, and don’t use, pick up, or surround themselves with their trigger traits.
I was there and I didn’t have 2 b in ur shoes 2 know if u are like me, close or not near, I know how u feel. And if u feel u don’t have the addiction label, keep using or stick around u will find out one away another 1 is never end and a 1000 will never equal satisfaction. Might kill yourself mentally b/4 u do physically. And if that should happen 2 occur stop running in the opposite direction and get ur ass that help that u deserve. The disease will only fool you with ur own thinking. The disease will make u believe in yourself. It never give u a hint u r your biggest problem. Bad think about it. There is so much help around. That Pride shit ain’t yours once that animal in u come out. That is the other side of you’re fucked up not knowing who u could become. Although u might believe I am talking about you, I am really reminding myself 2 never forget who I am not God. I can’t create, manage, or live on self determination as I was. But I have came a long ways within 70 days thank the Creator. I experience shit 4 those who haven’t experienced shit yet, so that hands on experience stupid ass motto shouldn’t be tested. Going on self will with very little idea hold blaffling ignorance is cause many of us not 2 make 2 the rooms of serenty. Once that choice is recognized is only after being forced. By then u after no where undamaged, but the good thing is u r available 2 experience the most beautiful moment u had better take advantage of – LIVING CLEAN. Not accepting defeat don’t only hurt yourself, but others around u. most of those include parents, wifey, the chile, hubby, homey, and especially strange people u know haven’t done shit but became a victim. Oooo Strangers, they was my favorite, because I thought I would never see them again. Tell ur thinking Shut The Fuck up Because what u do in the dark come 2 the light. U might b that strange victim looking 4 a victim.
What a great feeling it is not having 2 schemes on people’s property and pretend it was all innocent. My insane side said they could get more where that came from. Shit most times when they did I was back again doing that same dangerous shit. I knew their shit wasn’t mine, but my addiction told me fuck’em.
What is really twisted the way I slung my dick around 4 money, power, comfort, and feelings. My shit should b hanging on by thread today, but back in the day I thought I was so bad I needed a rope just 2 hold it in place. Yea like if it was a horse. I thought because I could use like a bat and play ball, I was going 2 slide in home plate, b/4 I even got 2 first base. I was public whore no.1. Most times women were my meal. I would dine on their lack of intelligence which was clouded by how big, long, and what it could do. Damn right I advantage of them being I would get mad if someone beat me 2 the best one. I new I had them when their English language started sounded like a bunch of moaning. Mission was especially complete when they hollered 4 God not to stop me. They were satisified as long as I was the master plumber.
I use 2 just manipulate women all brand - ugly, pretty, stupid, smart, if an alien had tities 10 times 2 the 1st power I 4 would bang her back out. I had ran into some tough customers that was unattainable I thought, until word got out the Complete Package was around. His tongue was like wet wipes, his tool was like one of them old grinders in the shed, and he could move like football with style and grace. I was dropping them off when the dollar was right and wasn’t. if it was no money guarantee then I was testing out the feeling. Most times I really enjoyed the feeling of getting paid more then getting the pussy, but feelings doesn’t always take a backseat 2 money, so u know a couple of times I got my heart broke. Nothing drugs couldn’t blanket. The next one had hell 2 pay. Since I was in the love with Girl she was much better and safer then a real girl with Gold between her legs. I use 2 always convince myself of this myth. I guess after a while u learn Love should mean Legs Open Very Easy.
I should have never ventured into the world of those who assumed they were prostitutes because they had their profession wrong or they was confused about the word. Once they hit me off with the pussy they got the roles reserved. I was no longer treated like the trick. They tricked themselves and thought their money was my money. Yes, they begin paying me 2 knock the willies off their trap box. They would call me their manager, cause no trick could control or make them lose their mind like I did. They actually was falling in LOVE. And their legs opened very easier and they paid me good. Who was I to change their mind. I wasn’t going 2 b that fool 2 change their mind. What fool with a habit was going 2 try? Show me him and I will congratulated him today and welcome him, cause I know he was chased 2 the rooms by now. I wanna hear his story so I could see how the dumb half lived. I wasn’t one 2 look that gift horse in the mouth. Instead I look 4 her 2 keep coming back, cause me, myself, and my addiction fell in love with her. Yeah, I loved both when she opened wide and paid my habit some attention with them dead presidents. We (me and my habit) would have killed anyone that fucked with our gold egg laying goose. Later down the road a problem developed. My habit was not on the same page. This mother fucker decided me looking and playing the part had 2 slowly 2 quickly come 2 an end. What I was use 2 doing like wasting money on wining and dining, was limiting how long or how many times I got high. Then don’t forget she had 2 support both of our shit. Slowly these my bread winners was no longer options. I turned 2 not wanting her cause she didn’t want me. I had slipped I was not slipping. I had a gravity complex. I didn’t want 2 feel or face what goes up do come down. That went from appearance, 2 prestige I thought It was all about me, I thought I was a legend in my own mind. Only because the pussy gave me that status. The habit they had told them this nigga is not worth both of us not getting high. What is he doing 4 u? When my inabilities pay no attention and needed push 2 the breaks on her thinking I failed register I was about to be out of time, cash, and my self esteem was in jeopardy. It 2 was always being tested, but now I had 2 address it. And from that point in my life, I was settling 4 the lesser of women, money, ideas, and I totally limited myself 2 whatever was quick.
Now don’t believe it wasn’t times in my life where I didn’t have the right women, who broke home with their pay check and gave it 2 an active, insane, and manipulating addict who was like a wolf on the prowl. Yes I did have them, but that gravity issue always showed up. I think the disease just feed me false dream flakes and I looked forward 4 them everyday. If they wasn’t flakes, I would take the bran, frosted, and/or anything just 2 get me out of reality just 2 keep me limited.
That was me being me and not willing 2 change my mind’s underwear. If I had put my dick away and stop believing it was my God back then I wouldn’t b sharing with u now. Hell I probably would have been on a different level if I was spared and not dead yet. I just have 2 thank the higher power cause I have no control and I can admit what I don’t know shit about.
