5 months of my surrender
Addict name Carlton in the mist of my transformation. It is not so much of a lonely process as I thought or should I say it looked like in the beginning, moving to the top. At first when I really looked at things in the beginning I thought my surrendering birthed a lot of jealousy from people, who was undetermined about their own process. Even though I felt that I still thought it was my obligation to help the still suffering addict. Come to find out the rule says worry about yourself and truth is best told when you taste the pudding it will tell how sweet the stuff is. At this point and time I don’t find anything sweet when you’re in situations where you wholeheartedly have relations that seem to can’t form suitable relationships. It is no guarantee the time you spend with people no matter how much time it is it will be able to stand the tests of time. See people grow not always outward, but inward. Now I must examine if I haven’t witnessed someone growing or recovering are he or she worth waiting for? I don’t want to rely on my justification to manifest they will catch up or on to determine stay or vacant. My thinking tells me, you can’t wait or delay your process in attempts to hope someone gets tired of performing their will and think I am not obligated to live my own program. Basically, what I am trying to say which is the same way I feel or was told to feel, I am still and always been responsible for me and powerless over others. Today I am living by that example. I don’t feel comfortable with anyone telling me who I am suppose to have in my network or who I should network with. If you busy trying to run my process, what or who is help you drive yours? I find it impossible to live a strong recovery process if you trying to live your recovery thru someone else. Back up and read that last sentence again. This is real a serious omission, who is responsible for their recovery, them or me? Am I supposed to be responsible for some one’s happiness or recovery? I am not even responsible for someone else’s breathing. If they don’t try to breathe on their own then don’t press any charges on me.
I have some situations that I am not happy with in areas of my recovery and basically I am part of the blame. Mainly for choosing people for guidance too earl
