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They say the past is the past. There are times were sometimes the past can be okay and other times, I just wish it never happened. How is that the man who was my first everything realize have 19 years that he made a mistake with me and now all of the sudden can't stand the thought of not being without me? For me it's too little too late. I moved on years ago from him. He destroyed me as a teenager and he thinks that saying sorry or seeing me is going to fix things just like that, I think not. I forgave him for what he did to me and vice versa. I was his pawn in his games of embarrassment and shame. I fought for too long back in the day to hold on to something that was never real to him. He says all of the right things and I want to believe him but I know deep down it's all going to be the same song and dance over and over again until one of us is dead. He destroyed me and the one who I truly loved because my dumbass chose to believe his lies. He let other people influence him and it cost him in the end. He was the first one to rip my heart out but he wasn't the worst nor was he the last. I want so much to wreck his world like he wrecked mine when we were kids but I know two wrongs don't make a right. Ugh he is making things impossible, putting way too much on me, and becoming obsessive once again. My life is my life now and I have too much on the line to play games. He wants to give ultimatiums then so be it but it's not going to tear me apart should he walk away again. I know how to end this once and for all but he needs to understand that if he wants to rebuild a friendship fine but if he doesn't then so be it and keep on walking right out the door, no more heartbreak, no more feelings of hopliness, no more feelings of being unworthy, and certainly no more feelings of any kind other then friendship maybe. He can tell me loves me over and over again and even if he could prove it, I don't honestly think that my mind will change. This rollercoaster ride we have been on for years most likely will continue for another 19 years the way this is going.
