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Hello, all you tiny bits residing in my rectum, and welcome to another mega-late edition of HackFest. I'm not even going to bother introducing myself because by now, if you don't know me, I'm just going to assume you ate paint chips as a kid. Tonight's HackFest rant is directed towards mothers. To be more specific, this is targeted towards a certain NY mother who cussed out a man in a parking lot for simply starting his engine and "scaring her children."

First, let's start with the specific, because honestly this woman just pisses me off more than Brittany Spears thinking she can sing opera. Ma'am, I know you only have one brain cell left, and I understand that one cell is starved for all its nutrients, but surely you can agree with me that you have to set SOME example for your kids. Cursing out a man for scaring your children, which I believe was purely unintentional, is all but intelligent and witty. Then, to add insult to carpet bombing, you decided that THREATENING THIS MAN was the most logical thing to do. Look, we all know that women crave equality, but asking to get hit is asking to get hit in any language. You are NOT a man. You are a WOMAN, and last I checked physically speaking and on a purely general basis, WOMEN ARE NOT AS PHYSICALLY CAPABLE AS MEN. Again, that's a clearly scientific fact, but I'm just saying. What you did, ma'am, was not only idiotic and brazenly illogical, but you also put yourself and your children at risk. This, of course, leads me to my lesson for the evening. Yes, that's right people, there's a LESSON HERE! 

As parents, we want to do whatever we can to protect our children. Throwing ourselves into harm's way is the least of our worries when it comes down to our kids. However, what seems to be lacking with a lot of parents today, and ESPECIALLY MOTHERS, is the lack of setting an example when doing so. When we defend our children, we want to use violence and destructive behavior as a means of defense, not attack. We want to let our kids know that a mature solution is available in all situations. Just downright screaming at people and causing a nuisance isn't constructive, and shows a lack of restraint and example to our kids. I mean, if you want to show kids how NOT to handle someting, do it in the privacy of your home (or at least in a place where violent tendencies are welcome, like NASCAR). It is okay to want to protect our children and defend them from harm. It's another thing entirely when you use stupidity to do it.

Here's the moral, folks: UTILIZE YOUR BRAIN, PARENTS! Be mature about your decisions to defend, and don't go completely mental unless the other party feels fit to do so FIRST. Be an example to your kids instead of a warning sign. Of course, I am a model parent and upstanding example to my daughter. I mean, what kind of dad doesn't teach their child to destroy entire small islands with nothing more than a can of peas and a mixtape of Michael Bolton? That's just survival tactics there.

Anyway, keep up with the HackFest or I will infest your house with irradiated hummingbirds trained to sing Celine Dion classics. Ta.

Hey, there, potential cow rapists, and welcome to a LOOONG overdue edition of HackFest. Name's Law, and today I actually want to touch on a subject that I've been discussing for a little bit: The underdevelopment of men in the United States (Yes, it's the Apocalypse. I'm not just going to rant this time!)

Have we noticed something in this great country of ours? Men are slowly either being thrown under the table to women or placed in the limelight as the singlemost horrid beings in existence. We as the male figure are losing our place and being pushed aside for more of a feminist movement. Now, while we are being placed in the double-standard, more and more women see it only fit to trample over us. It's honestly enough to make me want to start handing women honorary man-cards and punch them in the gut just to give them the feeling of being us.

Please don't misunderstand me, fem-bots. I am all for equality for women and treating women on the same level as men. I believe in being fair and unbiased in the realm of gender, and hate when men see women as either conquests or servants. Women and men should be held to the same standard, and should all be treated and handled with the same dignity and respect all people are entitled to by God and by the social norm.

However, when more and more women are bastardizing men (and not enough men holding them to it), I get offended. It's a double-standard in and of itself because there are certain things a woman can get away with if not receive lesser punishment for. For instance, many states take the side of women for parental care and custody. Nevermind that the woman in question is a druggie, a prostitute, and shacking up with an abusive nutjob named Joe Bob and the father is an upstanding father or at least willing to step it up to take care of his own children. Nope, mothers always know best, even if it's a little boy we're concerned with. Seriously?

It doesn't even stop at paternity, people! If a woman is candid about what and who she wants in a relationship, she is seen as strong and a go-getter. If a man does the same thing, and sometimes more candid than women, he's a bastard and an asshole. This is what we have reduced our men to, people! To women, we might as well be that one guy on EVERY Lifetime special they see about men. We are evil and will only be around to hurt them physically, emotionally, or mentally. Sometimes, we may just hurt them in ALL THREE CATEGORIES! 

Guys, here's the point: Women are nuts. They're crazy. I mean, think about this: They constantly want a good man, but go to BARS and CLUBS to find them! The definition of insanity is repeating the same action expecting a different result. WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY ARE DOING?!?!?! If you are a good guy, they want nothing to do with you until they've been in at least fifteen horrible relationships. Then, by the time they get around to you, you're just like every other guy when you leave the TOILET SEAT UP! Here's the synopsis: Stay AWAY from them! If they're good, keep them, but have them PROVE IT!!

And women, STOP LIVING UP TO THIS IDIOTIC DOUBLE STANDARD!!! If you want to be treated as equals, START ACTING LIKE YOU'RE EQUAL AND STOP BITCHING WHEN WE TREAT YOU AS SUCH! Seriously, it's getting old. Pretty soon, I'm going to start revoking your woman licenses and start Falcon-Punching OVARIES!

That's all for now. Read the next HackFest or I will surgically graft Grenade Boobies on your back! Ta.

Hello, there, all you rancid moose testes, and welcome to another edition of HackFest. If you don't know my name by now, well, I can only help you in the best way I can: With a flamethrower to the eyes. Tonight's edition is going to cover something that I've been doing since my little blog: OPINIONS.

Now, for this, I'm going to use two people, and not like meat puppets like I did last week (trust me, you can NEVER get the smell of napalm and burnt skin out of your white leather jacket, let me tell you). The first is Tommy Sotomayor, a radio personality that I've been following for a while, and the revered Rev. Al Sharpton, the holy prophet of the Civil Rights movement. Quintessentially, I am going to call this one truth vs. "truth."

First, let's take Tommy Sotomayor. He isn't highly educated, but his logic is near infallible. He speaks on the African American race with a fervor likened to Adolph Hitler, and the guy's contempt for the African American woman is all but palpitable. However, within his words of negativity and destruction, there is a shining gem: The Truth. You see, people are adverse to it, like arsenic to the bloodstream. No one wants to hear the truth, and it is ugly and seems destructive (not unlike me on a Tuesday night with a rocket launcher and rabid rhino-bears). However, within it there is a salvation so sweet and abundant that any who hear it and see past the destruction know it. Now, this is likened as well to Plato's Allegory to the Cave as far as people's reception to it. They know that the shadow of the apple is not REALLY the apple, but prefer the shadow rather than the real because it is ALL THEY KNOW. Hang with me here, I'm getting to the point in just a sec. Don't make me get the itching powder/napalm solution!

Now, let's go with Al, here. Yes, he produces a lot of uplifting verbage and says nothing but good towards the same African Americans that Mr. Sotomayor addresses. His words are like honey, and more and more people turn to him as a savior and voice of the Civil Rights movement and cause. However, if you listen really closely, you see something sinister within it. It's a self-destructive force that I like to call "mentally handy-support!" You see, it builds you up, no matter how stupid and assanine you act. So, whenever you do something good or bad, there is no change in the support, and he's just keep on applauding you as a whole and saying "Good Job!" Even if you murder a schoolbus full of cute orphans with adorable puppies for no other reason that to watch them burn and heat your marshmallows on, you can expect a "Good Job!" from him.

Now, here's my point. Whether it is the truth (ugly, offensive, but a wake-up call) or the "truth" (a pat on the back for anything that you do), there is one universal rule that applies here: THEY ARE RELATIVE! No matter what you listen to, it is your choice to accept whatever you listen to, and to react accordingly is your effect. If you listen to Mr. Sotomayor and are offended, and then lash out at the guy because you don't like what he said, it is your choice. If you absorb Rev. Sharpton's words and are inspired, it is your choice. However, it is a CHOICE! You choose what you respond and react to. What kills me is that when people state their opinion (and it is ALL OPINION UNTIL YOU ABSORB IT INTO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS), others lash out because that opinion clashes with their own. They don't perform as intelligent, logical beings above the clout of animals. They perform as a rabid dog would if you stepped towards it. The opinionated party has done nothing but state their thoughts, and the offended party does everything in their power to make them physically hurt. That leads to a very interesting question: HOW TRULY INTELLIGENT ARE WE AS HUMANITY?!

People, let's really think about this, and you idiots will do well to not try to break your brain over this one. When someone offends you with words, what is your first reaction? Is it on the side of logic and simply walk away, let the opinionated person continue their false truth, and rest in comfort knowing that in your psyche and world you are the right party? Or are you like that rabid dog and simply lash out at that person without any thought or logic at all? If you answered yes to the former, congratulations, you get the cookie. If your answer is yes to the latter, I'm going to bludgeon you to death with a stuffed pigeon named ARTY! 

Here's the moral folks: NO MATTER WHAT IS SAID TO YOU, UNTIL YOU PLACE IT INTO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS AND MAKE IT A TRUTH, IT IS OPINION! The ones that you want to incorporate into your person, take hold of them, and stitch them into your mental armor proudly. If you disagree with an opinion, the answer is not to destroy the offending party, but just ignore him. If his opinion doesn't synch up with your truth, don't buy into it. The more lashing out you do to the offending party, the more it possibly proves a point. However, should you disagree with me with no proof, I'd just as soon feed you to my rabid beaver army than listen to your prattle. You make my ears hurt.

Well, that's it for this HackFest. Read the next one, or Arty will take a nice long trip through your anal cavity...covered in salt, razor blades, and bees. Ta.

Hey, there, unwashed anal probes, and welcome to another edition of HackFest. I'm not going to bother with an introduction right now seeing as how I am SEETHING over my particular topic of the day: PARENTS!

Now, this rant isn't targeted at parents as a whole. There are some great parents out there who happen to have logical sense and treat their kids fairly and with a decent amount of respect. These same parents also seem to have a healthy look at the world and understand that a slip of the tongue here or a chuckle at a dirty joke there isn't going to destroy their children or lives, and indulge in life just like any other sane person would. Those parents deserve to be showered with non-poinsoned sugary confections and money of the not-counterfeit variety (from what country is up to the person giving it. EXCHANGE RATES SUCK, PEOPLE!). 

No, this rant goes out to those OTHER parents. You people know the ones I'm talking about. They either hold their kids so close to them they deny them any real world experience or neglect them in such a way that they grow up to be foul-mouthed little retard-fuckers who cause more damage to society than the good ones try to heal. To the unfit stewarts of children, THIS ONE'S TO YOU!

Now, to the overprotective group, I will say this: Being a parent myself, I can understand to an extent what you are trying to do. You want to protect your kids as much as humanly possible and defend them when they can't defend themselves. That's admirable. However, denying them the world doesn't make you a fit parent. It makes you unfit because you don't want your kids to grow properly. This is the same group that, when you tell them this, go off on a rampage telling you that you're "not qualified" to tell them how to raise their child. Are you serious? You know, you suffocate your kid, then when someone offers their opinion of your parenting style, you feel justified to explode at them for giving their critique? You peoople really sicken me. By denying your child some room to grow, you risk damaging them for life. Pretty soon, by the time that little turd of yours gets to be 16 or so, he or she have had so many pent-up anger and dependancy issues that they transform into some dranged serial killer! If you want your kid to be the next Norman Bates, sheep-fuckers, then continue down the path you're going! You're doing a great job, and when those same kids murder you in your sleep with a rusted chain-saw, you'll know your life's work was a success.

Speaking of malicious murder, it brings me right into my other group of dumbass failures of parents: The negligent parents. These asshole parents allow their lives to continue, either ignoring the fact that they have children or only acknowledging them when they do wrong. They see their kids as a boon in the eyes of others, but when those people disappear they go right back to shoving their "little darlings" into a corner and never tending to them as parents should. Then, when something happens to them, like they kidnapped, murdered, or whatever the fuck sickos in windowless white vans do to them, they always scream out in protest of their actions and always claim to be the "victim." Give me a fucking break, you shit-spawn of reject donkey punchers! You neglected your duties as a parents for well into this poor kid's life, and then when something happened on your watch, you suddenly become the concerned parent?! WHAT KIND OF BACKWARDS WORLD ARE YOU LIVING ON?!?! Oh, and don't let the brats grow up, man. They themselves continue the cycle of horrible parenting by neglecting their own kids, and so on and so forth until there's a line of these anal butterchunks of demonspawn running around here acting tough and destroying society. Then, when someone points out to these rejects that maybe their actions would be a bit harmful to their person, they immediately go to the most violent solution because they don't know how to logically compete with your average person! You people sicken me. Really, you do. Either be a fucking parent or give up your kid for adoption. PICK ONE AND GO WITH IT!! Even better, let me make the choice, because my choice would have your reproductive organs violently ripped from your nether-regions as they had been tied to a rocket AIMED FOR THE MOON!!

To the great parents out there who do what good parents do, more power to you. To the horrible mentions of parents I did in fact call out, I have a suggestion. Go play Whack-A-Mole on top of a 2-ton ATOM BOMB! That way, not only are we not denied the entertainment of watching you disintegrate to nothing, but we also have a high possibility of wiping out a good degree of some other bad parents in the making (or, you know, the whole population of North Dakota. Take your pick). 

That's it for this edition. Read the next one or I'll shove a mutant baby into your urethra/uterus. Ta.

Hello, all you horrible mixtures of flatulence and whale sperm, and welcome to another LOOOOOOOOOONG overdue edition of HackFest. If you don't know my name by now, I have no choice but to bludgeon you with some homeless man until you've passed out and are laying in a puddle of your own urine and the homeless guy's liquified diarrhea. My topic today is on the buzz of many Americans nowadays: the results of the George Zimmerman trial.

Now, I had been following the trial for quite some time, and it was something of an inevitability that this man was going to get off. However, there has been a lot of praise centered around him getting acquitted, and the one I particularly want to address is from that cum-depository known as Ann Coulter. Upon her Twitter page, she posted, and I quote, "Hallelujah." Man, is it just me, or is this gonorrhea-infested she-beast asking for a beating or what?

Let's look at this woman as a whole. She has been a follower of the Republican regime for the better half of, well, her life. She has enraged a great deal of the American populous for all of her life, and has basically said pretty much anything and everything to piss off anyone who doesn't agree with her. For her to post this is, to myself, a cry for help.

Now let's look at the Zimmerman trial from the perception of a RESPONSIBLE gun owner, like a few of my good friends are. This man violated the law not so much as just shooting Trayvon Martin but also in his false ENFORCEMENT of the law. You see, as a neighborhood watch person, it was his job to report suspicious activity to the police AND NOTHING MORE! It was not his job to take the law into his own hands and approach a suspect, nor was it his job to question the boy's whereabouts, ill or not. He had done his job, and wanted then to play God. For any gun owner, it's a well-known fact that the purpose of a gun is for PROTECTION, not RETRIBUTION or DEADLY FORCE. For Zimmerman to do that mars the face of any righteous gun owner just as much as that guy from Newton shooting those children. Furthermore, this boy was UNARMED! Facts are facts, people. If Zimmerman were that threatened that he had to APPROACH THIS UNARMED BOY AND SHOOT HIM IN SELF-DEFENSE, wouldn't it have that much more to allow the police to do their job? Lastly, this was a BOY! Trayvon was 15. Zimmerman was 28. Shouldn't some sort of maturity showed itself with this man and allowed the police to do what they were hired and appointed to do? He allowed his gun to speak for him in "self-defense," when really he had already done his job.

Now, back to Coulter's disgusting, nauseating display. This is a woman who has become the voice of the upper class, the so-called "Freedom Fighter of America." She is celebrating the fact that an irresponsible gun owner is set free because of a bullshit charge that a weak prosecutor couldn't hold up in court. Contrary to popular belief, IT ISN'T A CELEBRATION OF GUN OWNERS' RIGHTS VS. NON-GUN OWNERS!! Gun owners who are responsible and adhere to the letter of the laws placed before them in the Bill of Rights would detest Mr. Zimmerman's actions because it's a gross violation of a person's God-given right to bear arms. People, just because you HAVE a gun doesn't mean that you use it to enforce the law. The law shouldn't protect a licensed gun owner when said gun owner was acting irresponsibly. He should be crushed by that very same law. It's just like that person who shot an abortion doctor at their church. He was a licensed gun owner, and you don't hear of or see Ann Coulter tweeting "Hallelujah" because of that, do you?! 

Ann, you seem to stuff your foot in your mouth a lot of times with the dumb, moronic, and frankly illogical things you say, but this time, you may have gained the ire of a group of people more sinister than anything I could think up on any non-sober day. You have gained the malice of every African-American of varying ignorance levels around this whole damned country, and if I were you, I would run for my doorstep before any of these assholes and bitches decide to come find you. At least then, you can rest confident that the punishment I dish out on that skin-and-bones body of yours would be sanctioned by the very Bill of Rights you cling to so dearly. I'd at least leave you alive enough to watch all the blood drip for your cunt as I ripped you apart with my spiked dildo Annie. These fuckers you just pissed off won't give you that kind of luxury, and I don't honestly blame them this time. You and your ilk have hidden behind your little "freedom of speech" bullshit for far too long. As I said a long time ago, having that freedom is one thing; using it RESPONSIBLY is another. If you're going to offend someone or, in this case, a group of people, be sure you either have enough ammunition to deal with all of them properly, or at least have enough of a tolerance for pain to deal with the utter anal annihilation you will be dealt. 

For those reading this post, no, I am not threatening Ms. Coulter's life, nor am I advocating violence be done to her person (it's an entertainment blog, you dip-fuck). What I am saying, at the core of my violent outbursts and drunken mayhem, is that she should be held accountable in the utmost for her words, much like anyone should be. She shouldn't be praised on any merits for what she says, and anyone within the public forum ought to blast the hell out of her in whatever social media she should spawn in because of this. Remember, people, you are held accountable for what you put out there, and must have the fortitude to take what you dish out.

That's it for this overdue round, peoples. Look out for the next one (when I feel you people deserve another, you sick bastards) or I'll glue your eyelids shut and shove you into a hedge maze filled with thorns and rabid chihuahuas. Ta.

Hello, awful by-products of pig fat, and welcome to another LOOOOOOOONNNNNGGG overdue edition of HackFest. Name's Law, but you can call me "Shirley." If you do, it gives me the perfect excuse to behead you. While I'm thinking of it, let's get into a rant about everyone's favorite young shit bucket....Justin Bieber.

From what I can tell, Justin was signed on by Usher and has grown in popularity with the little tykes and teenie bopper crowd. He's got a multi-million dollar tour in Europe and the U.S. right now, and just sends all the little girls' hearts aflutter when he sings. To which I only have one question....WHY?!?!

Don't get me wrong. I've heard a lot of his stuff, and back when boy bands were just coming out, he'd be quite impressive. However, we are now dealing with an age and era where boy band music takes a back seat to more stylized and focused musics. Now, I'm not a fan of any of those genres, but I know they are substantially better than Bieber's bullshit any day of the week. For example, Lady Gaga actually has some decent rhythms for some European whore, and Kesha, or Ke$ha however you want to spell it, is topping charts as we speak. Hell, with the recent death of the R&B diva queen Whitney Houston there are tons of artists coming out with memorial albums that are billions better, like Jennifer Hudson and Chris Brown, for starters. 

It may sound like I'm just bashing Bieber....and you're right. I am. He's got about as much talent as one of those Disney pop sucktoids, and just about as much ego to boot. His voice sounds like a dying cat, his dance moves are straight rip-offs from greats like Michael Jackson and Omarion, and his personality is about as stale and repetitive as any other pop star backed by "kid-friendly" record labels. But hey, he has that awesome hair, in which someday I will set ablaze while chasing him down with a garlic rocket launcher and a water balloon filled with holy water and sulfuric acids.

What's more, his fans adamantly protect this jackhole, stating his music is better than anything produced....ever. They further go on to stereotype all other genres of music, most especially my favorite: METAL. Now, it's one thing to go around and endorse your favorite artist. I love Metallica and Korn, for instance, but you don't see me going online and calling their fans emo-kids or Satanists, do you? Want to know why, you adolescent pieces of whale dingleberries? It's because Metal and Rock fans are mostly violence-induced idiots. Talk shit about them or their band, and they WILL rip you a new one. Me, I'd just settle with kidnapping you and trapping you in a small confined room with a rabid honey badger and cover you with BBQ sauce. That would entertain me much more than your lame Bieber-induced seizures. 

The moral, kids? It's fine to like or not like a certain kind of music. It's also okay to voice your opinion about said music. It is NOT okay to force it down people's throats and state that it's the only TALENTED music ever produced. Keep down that road, and a huge amount of whiskey-drunk bikers will show up to your door and do unsavory things to you, your parents, your pets, and possibly your old nanny. Again, still more entertaining than Bieber.

Well, that's it for this rant. Read my next blog....whenever I decide to write it, or I'll find a way to implant a bomb in your colon while you poop. Ta.

Greetings, piles of flesh with fruit salad, and welcome to a long-overdue edition of HackFest, which in some language means the slow decay of your own lives. You should know who this is by now, so I'm not going to grace you with any semblance of an introduction.

Tonight, as has been the norm as of late, I'm actually going to backtrack into politics and re-rant on a few things, just so people can get a feel on exactly how pointless this is.

First off, let's be clear. It is blatantly obvious that we now are a country divided. If it's not the mainstream media putting us at each other's throats, then it is the out-and-out ignorance of the human race that prevents us from seeing the big picture. I know that someone deep in the regions of that thing on the top of someone's neck called a head that a little organ called a BRAIN is working, so it should be obvious to everyone, right?

Wrong. In fact, less people have decided to use this organ and continuously attack the ruling status quo hoping to make a dent. It's either that or make stupid comments on live radio or television that is enough to spark already spilled gasoline. Listen to me, people. Until we are ready to accept what we already know as a change, we will completely consume ourselves. We will be forever consigned to a life of perpetual strife and in-fighting as a nation. Yes, while it poses a huge amount of amusement from me watching you people shoot each other and attempt to make one another swallow organs freshly ripped from the other's gullet, it doesn't change the system. As long as we fight amongst ourselves as a nation, others will see us as a joke. Not weak, not harmless, but a joke. Mark me, people, it would be one joke that only THEY would be laughing at, and by "they" I mean THE WORLD.

So, as previously stated in my last rant, SHUT THE HELL UP AND FIX SOMETHING!!! If you cannot, meaning if you're not in a position of power to directly fix the situation, go through the proper channels and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Of course your rabble isn't going to do any good. Protesting just nets you on the news. Shut up and deal like the rest of us, or so help me you'll find the head of some other guy's dog lying next to you in the morning!!

I'm done with this rant. Read the next blog or I'll figure out a way to make you sleep in a vat of rancid cottage cheese. Ta.

Salutations, over-fed protein puss-bags, and welcome to a long ove-do issue of HackFest. If you're wondering who actually takes the time to write these damn things and haven't figured out by now who I am, well, let's just say breathing for you is a privelege, not a bodily function you should be exploiting right now. Tonight's little tidbit is going to be on the Media, simply because it's worth mentioning...again.

You know, it could be me, but I'm seeing the mainstream media make themselves more and more of a target each day. If it isn't dumbass politicing from non-politicians like Rush Limbaugh and his awful verbal spawn Glenn Beck, then it's some other yahoo advertising something idiotic that we in this fine country don't really need...like Slap-Chops. I sometimes pity the masses for being exposed to such garbage.

Then I remember that the masses are idiots and incinerate them with large amounts of napalm and bleach. Here's why.

You see, the media only gains power when numbskulls watch it and have faith in what they see. No, it's not believing what they see that's the problem. It's the whole "I like this" argument they automatically put into their heads. They fail to realize that all the negativity in the world is caused by people who feed you garbage on the tele or on the radio. It's exactly why the U.S. is divided the way it is now.

To those nut jobs who think that I'm some undereducated fuckwad just spouting out garbage, I have actual proof that the media's screwing us all with a giant spiked dildo. Just look at the healthcare tea parties. Leave politicians alone, they can come up with some really good ideas. Let a camera in, and they milk it up just because they're on TV. It's a common human response, really. Just look at Paris Hilton. By the way, just if you're wondering, my natural response to someone shoving a camera in my face is using said camera as a suppository for the camera-person using it....and then ripping it from his anal cavities by force to use it on his next of kin.

The point I'm trying to make is this: The media, in all the information it beams into our heads via television, is still run by fatcats who want to choose what information they dull out. It is a means to enflame or sadden the masses. Should you want to subscribe to it, it's all on you. However, if you're smart, you will read between the lines of what a news anchor tells you on that little screen of yours. It might be something more than what you think...or worse, it might get you to think. Can't have that now, can we, media moguls?

What I'm basically saying is be smart enough to read between the lines. Don't judge your opinion and inflammatory words towards someone or some issue without thoroughly thinking it through. Heavens know that people already don't use their brains enough nowadays. It could also be due to the fact that I'm adding radiated sugar in their cereal...but I digress.

That's it for this time. Read the next blog I post when I post it or I'll send Pork-Boy, the Breakfast Monkey Man to come to your house and teabag your grandma in front of you. Ta.





Yo, obnoxious dirt clods, and welcome to another edition of HackFest, the leading cause of deprivation on the interweb besides porn. I'm not going to bother to tell you my name, Because if you've been reading this blog long enough, you should know it by now. If not, I've alreaady sent you and your loved ones a delicious barrel of anthrax complete with a tart flavoring of swine flu to help you remember.

Today's rant is about politics, and, yes, how much I hate it. I'd think of something clever to say, but just the thought of having to even do this rant clogs the witty parts of my brain with rage.

You see, I'm not the one to be involved in politics. All things considered, I hate the whole lot of filthy politicians that pollute my precious government. They are too self-absorbed in in-fighting to actually try and solve a problem. Our government is more concerned with debating who is right or wrong rather than solve the fucking problem.

First, you have the left wing people, who believe that competing with the right wing is more important than solving a problem. Oh, sure, they present ideas and other useless information on the problem itself, but nothing is really done other than a quick-fix solution. They only mildly address the little man's issues and get back to fighting the right. To these people, I want to say this: GO SCREW SOME RABID MONKEYS OR SOLVE THE DAMNED PROBLEM!!! Stop caring about what the idiots on the right say or do and get to actually presenting the issue and solve it!

Which leads me to the right. These assholes completely are obsesseed with fighting the left wing and looking towards the interests of the private sector (meaning the rich guys and business owners that pissed off the country to begin with) to actually set up anything worthwhile for everyone. A perfect example of this is Rush Limbaugh and his racist following. Rather than quit their (not crap, outright SHIT) against the left, calling them Communists, Socialists, and the ilk. I personally want to shoot each and every one of these rich-boy whiners with a salt-filled shotgun and watch them writhe on the ground which I've filled with pissed-off scorpions.

Don't get me wrong. Both sides, when they actually stop trying to beat each other in the heads with their own dicks, actually have some good ideas to help the country. It's just that they don't try to cooperate and come to an agreement that works for both the private sector and the little guy i.e US U.S. CITZENS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOW!!!

My personal belief is that once the country reaches a point of compromise, we all benefit. If we stop trying to incite civil war and actually focus on the problem, we can prosper. No, we'd rather fight each other than come to a solution in Congress. We'd rather sit around and bitch and moan about how things suck than actually do something about it!

To both sides I say this: Unless you actually have some useful ideas, or are trying to actively fix things, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BEAR IT!!!! Stop prattling away on useless talk shows and using the media to exalt your ideas, and do something about it. Personally, I shut the fuck up and bear whatever crazy scheme our powers that be have, knowing good and damn well that it's not my place as a citizen to bitch. True, I don't like some of the ideas and implemented policies that exist in our country, but I steer clear of that minefield and actually focus on me. I let the times roll by and do my part as a worker ant.

Yes, I do rant and rave, but only when there are ideas that lack the one thing this country seems to have left in the wash: COMMON SENSE!!! When something is stupid, truly stupid (like racism or transgender operations), I bitch about it. However, these are something that someone can actively ignore and leave alone. Besides, most people just shut up and accept the government and all their schemes because ultimately there is nothing a common man can do.

The moral? Unless you have a plan to get into office, shut up. Unless you have the political and financial backing to fix the problem you're bitching about, shut up. If you don't stick a weasel in it, I'll ram that same weasel in your anal cavity and set it on fire.

That's all for this rant. Read the next one, or I'll find a way to give you rabies with my mind. Ta.

Greetings, flatulent substitutes for goat cheese, and welcome to a much overdo HackFest. If you don't know who I am by this particular issue, congratulations, you've just made my "People who need to be wiped from the gene pool" list.

Many of you actual fans have been wondering for a long time when I was going to actually post commentary and editorials on recent events, such as the death of Michael Jackson and other things that light up your evening. Though I've tried desperatly to steer clear of those minefields, you people have been brazenly leading me back there through fan mail, so I decided to indulge you clods a bit and actually chose a relevant subject for the devastation that is the rant. That subject, as much as this pains me to do so, is on Iran.

Now the subject remains to be seen as to how the revolt in Iran will exactly go. Apparently, or at least from my knowledge, the Iranian government has been turned on its ear faster than Paris Hilton at a Chippendale's concert armed with lube due to the fact that accusations of a rigged election have placed some American-hating dictator back into office. What gets me is not the actual revolts, but the prattling of U.S. officials that something must be down in Iran. I, for one, want to beat each and every one of those turd-mongers in the head with a uranium shovel.

The way I see it, the U.S. has interfered with enough countries and their governments for a lifetime. I mean, we completely dropped the ball in Iraq, and look where that got us: Mountains of debt that our current prez is still trying to clean up. If that weren't enough, every country that has had U.S. intervention wants to set up an embassy and a Starbucks there. As if our hypocritical B.S. wasn't enough, now we have to give third world countries crappy coffee, too?!

Listen, here. We have enough problems of our own as middle-class Americans without having to hear all this bullshit about Iran and other countries in peril. Maybe if our government actually looked at who exactly was paying their fat f-ing salaries they'd second-guess the whole thing and start trying to get some more revenue for our country. Instead of relying on bailouts and other countries, why not try to create some solutions for the problems we ALREADY have?!?!

Back to Iran. I say let the country sort out the crap it needs to. If they kill off their entire population, great! We get first dibs on oil from there, and we can build a Middle-Eastern Disneyland there. What I'm saying here is let them sort it out. If they have an American-hating sociopath for a prez, that's their eggs and coffee. Why should we meddle in the affairs of this country to set some "shining example" when we are the biggest bigots and hypocrites in the world?

Don't get me wrong. I love this country and the freedoms it gives to us common folk, but it's the way the boat's sailed that bothers me. I mean, is it just me, or is it that every election we have we choose only one guy from two political parties and completely ignore the other guys whose ideas ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE?! (Yes, Ron Paul fans, I'm talking to you!!)

Case in point: Leave Iran to its own devices. Let them duke it out and completely stomp each other out of existence. Gives me a great excuse to steal their crap and gain some black market organs.

That's it for HackFest tonight. Read the next issue, when I feel like wriiting it, or be subjected to licking the scrotum of a hairy man with lice. Ta.

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