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Hello, awful by-products of pig fat, and welcome to another LOOOOOOOONNNNNGGG overdue edition of HackFest. Name's Law, but you can call me "Shirley." If you do, it gives me the perfect excuse to behead you. While I'm thinking of it, let's get into a rant about everyone's favorite young shit bucket....Justin Bieber.
From what I can tell, Justin was signed on by Usher and has grown in popularity with the little tykes and teenie bopper crowd. He's got a multi-million dollar tour in Europe and the U.S. right now, and just sends all the little girls' hearts aflutter when he sings. To which I only have one question....WHY?!?!
Don't get me wrong. I've heard a lot of his stuff, and back when boy bands were just coming out, he'd be quite impressive. However, we are now dealing with an age and era where boy band music takes a back seat to more stylized and focused musics. Now, I'm not a fan of any of those genres, but I know they are substantially better than Bieber's bullshit any day of the week. For example, Lady Gaga actually has some decent rhythms for some European whore, and Kesha, or Ke$ha however you want to spell it, is topping charts as we speak. Hell, with the recent death of the R&B diva queen Whitney Houston there are tons of artists coming out with memorial albums that are billions better, like Jennifer Hudson and Chris Brown, for starters.
It may sound like I'm just bashing Bieber....and you're right. I am. He's got about as much talent as one of those Disney pop sucktoids, and just about as much ego to boot. His voice sounds like a dying cat, his dance moves are straight rip-offs from greats like Michael Jackson and Omarion, and his personality is about as stale and repetitive as any other pop star backed by "kid-friendly" record labels. But hey, he has that awesome hair, in which someday I will set ablaze while chasing him down with a garlic rocket launcher and a water balloon filled with holy water and sulfuric acids.
What's more, his fans adamantly protect this jackhole, stating his music is better than anything produced....ever. They further go on to stereotype all other genres of music, most especially my favorite: METAL. Now, it's one thing to go around and endorse your favorite artist. I love Metallica and Korn, for instance, but you don't see me going online and calling their fans emo-kids or Satanists, do you? Want to know why, you adolescent pieces of whale dingleberries? It's because Metal and Rock fans are mostly violence-induced idiots. Talk shit about them or their band, and they WILL rip you a new one. Me, I'd just settle with kidnapping you and trapping you in a small confined room with a rabid honey badger and cover you with BBQ sauce. That would entertain me much more than your lame Bieber-induced seizures.
The moral, kids? It's fine to like or not like a certain kind of music. It's also okay to voice your opinion about said music. It is NOT okay to force it down people's throats and state that it's the only TALENTED music ever produced. Keep down that road, and a huge amount of whiskey-drunk bikers will show up to your door and do unsavory things to you, your parents, your pets, and possibly your old nanny. Again, still more entertaining than Bieber.
Well, that's it for this rant. Read my next blog....whenever I decide to write it, or I'll find a way to implant a bomb in your colon while you poop. Ta.
