Another real 'rock star' night on the road for me in good ol' Muskogee, Oklahoma - first of all, you know it's bad when the hotel has you staying in a Motel 6. What's worse is when that Motel 6 is clear across town from the club, and you have to drive past 12 other, better hotels on the way. The club says "show starts at 8:30, be here at 8", so of course when I get there at 8 - no one there! Just the owner and someone sitting at the bar that looks like a chubby 16-year old boy. That crappy dud of a poker movie 'Lucky You' is playing on every TV, and luckily for me, had just started. What's worse - it's hooked up so that it has to be on EVERY SINGLE TV! The other comic gets there, thinks the person at the bar is quite young too, and says - "Is your dad here?" To which they (s)he replies - "I'm 23, I'm the bartender." Oops. So I play along - "Hey son, get me a beer then." "That would be daughter." Oops again. Still no customers there, when asked, the bartender says - "the regulars usually roll in after 9." So why the hell did you tell us we start at 8:30??!! "We were hoping." the first patrons arrive - a 40ish couple, already drunk, playing a game of pool in between making out and groping like a couple teenagers trying ecstasy for the first time. A few others start to roll in, and everyone is riveted by the movie, somehow not completely bored that it's just 90 minutes of watching other people play cards. The restrooms aren't marked MEN or WOMEN, and when I ask which is the men's room, I almost expect to hear - "It's the one without the hidden camera." Finally, the movie ends, and enough people are there to start the show, so our 8:30 show begins promptly at 9:45. The only spotlight is a pure red french fry light, that makes it look like we're standing behind someone's car with the brakes on. But the best part of the night - back at the motel, hoping to nuke some popcorn, I find a moldy hot pocket in the microwave - mmmm. For all those who didn't think a Hot Pocket could become anything worse than a Hot Pocket, the universe has proven us wrong once again.
