I was working a club in Illinois this weekend, and right next door was this really nasty strip club. Normally I love places like that, but the girls here looked so skinny and undernourished that I wanted to tip them with food. There's something wrong with having a strip club where if you actually get to sleep with one of the dancers... you'd still have to fantasize about somebody else. Most nudie bars somehow always have a girl named 'Mercedes', this one only had a 'Kia.' I don't have a lot of money, but still wanted to look like a big shot, so I started throwing nickels at them. They asked - "What are you doing?" I'm making it hail.
And the saddest part - I had just seen the movie 'Enchanted' - where the fairy tale princess comes to the real world looking for her prince and finds that life isn't always flowers and puppy dogs. I realized that this one dancer looked exactly like the princess... if she had failed in her quest, worked her way down the ladder, lost a couple teeth, and finally ended up dancing naked for 8 people in Peoria and grinding on a really fat guy for $10. But like in the movie - she started to sing, and a bunch of rats and cockroaches came out and joined her. I guess it was her 'Happy Tweaking Song.'
