CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Just a thought"

created on 03/13/2008 | http://fubar.com/just-a-thought/b197684

posted on 03/14/2008&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;01:03&nbs-07:00;am

Down and out
http://fubar.com/down-and-out/b197684-734702

How can one feel so damn lonely when they have supposeably have so many friends? How can one feel so damn isolated, yet they have the ability to be free as a bird? Lately I have been feeling so damn down and not having a f*cking clue as to how to stop it. Someone was kidding around with me, and told me it was alright if I had an amusement park in my head, sad thing is I kind of agreed with them silently not saying a word. Although right now I am thinking these rides aren't too much fun anymore and they are going to fast. What I am meaning by going to fast is the emotional roller coaster, my mind feels as if it goes a 100mph at all times. This I wish would slow down and let me stop over analyzing or stop thinking so damn much. I have a boyfriend, at least I am pretty sure I do, and this man I do love very much. Right now though, I feel like a puppet thats about to fall off the string. I acted childish when we had a fall out, and after not speaking for two weeks he did begin to talk to me again. I don't want to push him, because he said he is thinking about all in our relationship, but at the same time, I wish I had a clue as to what was going on. Tonight I seen his ex girlfriend on camfrog with her status set to I will always love Rudi, that DID NOT help the situation. Coming back to Spokane I was technically only suppose to be staying at my mothers for three months or so, and now it has been three and a half. Right now its not a HUGE problem, yet I know it is one since her husband confronted her about the length of time I will be here. I am unable to work at the present moment, recieving medical from the state trying to see if I need knee surgery after a few weeks of physical therapy 3 times a week. Then to throw an odd loop into it, I got a text from my ex husband yesterday that stated, do you want to F*uck me, my grandma died. I haven't seen him in over a year and a half. I did speak to him on the phone and he asked me to stay the night, I was like no I won't sleep with you, he asked why and I told him I have a boyfriend. He then commented so what he's in Germany. As if miles allow someone to cheat. ugh! Ok enough out of my mouth.... thank you for reading! ClOwNs