Chrissy in CT's blog: "On the edge....."

I dont think i ever have till now. Anyone who is my close friend knows of my situation. Thursday is eviction court day with the old asshole ex boss/landlord. Last Wed he illegally turned off my electric, now is using friends to try to intimidate me by threatening to press whatever charges he think he can trump up against me. Trust me I've done nothing but scare the fucker cuz its him in fact who is going down not me. What irritates me more is the power that i seem to give this man. Everytime i hear a threat, he does some insane thing (ie the electric shut off - which was illegal itself, sending cops to my door for supposedly selling rooms to his roach motel etc etc.) it sets me off in a tailspin of anxiety and frustration and fear. Hate is such a strong word but for the first time in my life i find myself using it in reference to this man. I want him to hurt the way i do. Struggle and worry over things, do without and wonder where he is gonna be next month, next week...tomorrow even. I want him to be humbled before all the people he has had the nerve to call "white trash" and learn what it is to have to ask someone for help to get food or a place to stay. I want him to loose all the trappings of wealth he has used so many others, lied to all and cheated to get. I want him to wonder how it is that this woman who has nothing has taken me down to this level? What powers does she have? I don't really have any...other than integrity, honesty, a giving heart. The capacity for compassion and love. To care more about others than i do even myself. Humility and wisdom and unselfishness. I tried for 18 mos to impart these things on this person to no avail. As an "old soul" we are oft times called into battle against people such as this man. The are drawn to goodness and light because they have no capacity for it within themselves. They try to suck every ounce of energy they can from you to use in their pathetic ends. Let me tell you this "old soul" is unlike any other he has ever met and he has pissed her off. If it's the last thing I ever do on this earth this man shall be humbled. I cannot allow him to go on hurting people time after time. Degrading them with his verbal abuse and intimidating both women and old people alike. What a huge man he is. I think not. He is a coward and a pussy and lower than the people he deems to be "trash". Everyone knows i don't have anything...not of material value. What the hell do i have to loose in this battle? As i see it it not a goddamn thing. The ability to stand up for what is right and what you believe is sometimes a hard path to follow but its the only way to be. To be continued...........