I havent blogged for a long time been so up to my ears in the day to day shit that has consumed my life here as "manager" of this establishment i call home.
I love this place...being by the salt water...the people...tenants and guests and the neighborhood and ambience of this navy town. What i dont love is my tyrannical, crazy, cokehead boss.
This past week was telling for me. I woke up Monday not wanting to go to work...and I didnt. I called in sick. For the past year I've worked 60 hrs a week and been only paid for 40. I get a free room at the inn to share with my 17 year old son and cat. No privacy. Then I spend countless hours on my only day off...Sunday..showing this man's empty and available apartment houses. All for $10/hr...net $321.47 a week. I am verbally abused on a regular basis..(You fucking piece of shit this, fucking bitch that), accused of stealing his money/property or whatever it is that week he feels he can threaten me with. I could go on and on the stories are endless of the abusive language, treatment and cruelty he has pervaded not only on me but other employees, tenants and the like as well. The countless laws he breaks, the lies he tells and the manipulative behavior. Its taken its toll.
Tuesday morning i awoke in tears. Unstoppable after a night of yet again waking up with anxiety, chest pain, shortness of breath. I just could not imagine another day. So i called United Community and Family Services. No matter i have no insurance it did not matter this day. I spoke to the emergency on call person. Concerned at my obvious angst and upset and no doubt worried about what i might do because of this they insisted on seeing me that day. Have any of you ever been so distraught that you cannot stop crying? This was me this day. I spoke at length with them of my anxiety and troubles here with this crazy man. I felt a little better after unloading some of it but it still wasnt enough.
I managed to get through Wed/Thurs having scheduled yet another counselling session for friday morning. I met my therapist Maureen for the first time. We talked of all that has been going on and as i said 1 hour could not even begin to expound on all the shit ive endured, seen and listened to for the past 14 months. She is from Ireland and in a thick Irish brogue said to me point blank "Christina...why are you still there?"
I had to think about it hard and i said I'm not sure. Part of me is here as a buffer between the people i care about and this nut who owns the properties they live in. Part of me truly cares whether they are ok, have heat and electricity (he doesnt...all he cares about is his $$$). I said I feel like if i leave them im leaving them to the "wolves".
Intellectually I know this is not my property, they are not my tenants, this is of course not my money and why should i care? Maybe its because I'm the only one who does?
At 45 I have no bills, no car payment, just a cell phone and car insurance to pay. Yet I'm subjected to the barrage of bill collectors and wolves nipping at his/my heels over the money this man owes to so many. I wake up at night wondering how i am gonna buy oil for the property or propane or keep the lights on.
Am i crazy?
So I leave counselling on Friday and who calls yet again but "John" asking me if I'm gonna die (I told him i was going to doctor). I said no not yet. After a brief conversation, i had had enough and said look you have my two weeks notice. I cannot do this anymore.
Several days prior i spoke to his lawyer about leaving. Anyone who leaves my boss is accused of stealing, harrassed on the phone, scurred around town and just generally badgered. He said "John doesnt take divorce well". I said well i am not his wife. So of course now that ive given notice there is amazingly $10k missing or so he says. He threatened me with calling Det. Bavosi of the state police...the cop who is investigating him for arson? Then goes gets on his phone in his van and no 10 mins later is hugging me telling me I'm like a sister to him. He thinks i have a job in Florida which i tell him i dont. I have no job at all to go to. I am going to Maryland to see my uncle who is about to die. He says well ill lay you off then you can collect unemployment?!?! As you can see the constant mood changes are daunting enough to deal with.
The point of all this musing here is to say this one thing. I was asked if i was gonna hurt myself by my therapist. I said no ...not in the traditional way. I am not gonna cut my wrists, take a bottle of pills or put a gun to my head. But each day i walk into that office and deal with the crap i deal with i am "hurting" myself. I die a little each time I'm abused verbally or emotionally. So I'm done with it.
Abusive relationships can happen not only in a love relationship but in a working environment also. Dont let it happen to you. Contact a healthcare professional, your states Department of Labor, the Commission on Human Rights and anyone else who will listen to you including an attorney.
Check out these sites as well....
And me....I gave two weeks notice am out of the Thames Inn by 4/22 or else. Where to?
I dunno yet....any suggestions?
I love you all!