Without going into to much detail of the events of my life in the last week I just feel the need to write. To unload some of the emotion and fear and angst of the whole situation.
I have tried to do the right thing in this situation and in the process as often happens have compromised my income, place to live and safety. Why is it that the good people of the world who are honest and true have to suffer for the crooks, dishonest and evil.
I know in my heart of hearts that i will find my way as i have for all of my life but when you are in the middle of such drama its hard to see that place of calm in the future ahead.
Survival. Some know what im talking about.
It means washing clothes in your sink when you have no money to go to laundry.
It means rationing food, gas, money so that you can optimize its use.
It means that the first things to go are the cable and cell phone and car insurance when you have to figure a way to eat.
It means calling every SS organization in the county for resources. Pride has no place in survival you do what you have to do.
It means deciding what you can and cant live without amongst your things.
It means giving up people in your life for their own protection or good even if they dont understand it.
It means never loosing hope even when your despair reduces you to tears on an hourly basis.
It means having faith and trust in people and the powers that be who guide your life.
It means standing alone sometimes against the world.
The hardest part of the day is at night. The quiet and darkness surround you like a tomb of loneliness. Fear of the unknown, anxiety and trepidation creep into your soul. This past week my soul cried out for release to be relinquished from the torment of this life.
It was very near giving up. But...certain friends with huge hearts of forgiveness and light and love replenished it with support and encouragement and just as in the past after being beaten down with each day that passes by my soul gets a lil stronger each day.
Anyone here who knows the struggle, the fight to survive and needs a word of encouragement please contact me. Things are so hard everywhere. I dont have many resources but wisdom and honesty. Those i can share freely.
So what am i gonna do? No job, being evicted all kinds of shit going on? I am gonna trust that as in the past life will go on. That something good waits down the road for me. That love and kindness still do exist and that honesty and integrity above all do exist and are respected by some. I know i will never have much materially, will not rival Ivana Trump thats for sure. I will no doubt die with not much of anything of worth in the literal sense. But I'm richest in love and truth and caring. Tomorrow is another day to relish in and be thankful to survive.
Updates to follow....
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