Alright so there I was in the car a lil while ago driving aimlessly pondering what the hell I am doing. I was driving north and no clue as to where I was going or anything, just driving and thinking. I had no plan, I had no goal, and I just wanted to clear my mind. I guess in some way it worked because I was listening to the radio singing along once in a while and was transported back in time to some happier place, some happier memory, a happier Jessie so to speak. Isn’t it amazing how music has that ability at times?
So, anyhow there I was when Pearl Jam came on the radio. Now I have never been a big grunge fan, never a big Pearl Jam fan, hell never a big Eddie Vedder fan . . . But Shannon on the other hand - she was so in love with him that she would have killed her first born just to meet him. That is what I was thinking about during that song, walking into her old bedroom and seeing posters of Eddie Vedder everywhere and listening to her tell me how wonderful he is because he does this or that or whatever. Then the line “she lies and says she still loves him” came on and oh that one snapped me into some new place. It snapped me into the present day and how some of my friends do that very thing, they lie to not only the men but to themselves just because they are afraid to be alone, afraid to be sad, afraid to be what they may become. I’m done with that though - I am me, plain and simple.
I am single and probably going to stay that way and honestly don’t care that much anymore. I am back to the way I thought before . . . When I am meant to find someone I will find them. There will be no doubt that they are the one I am meant to listen to, to talk to, and to want to be with. Now that doesn’t mean that I am meant to be with them it just means that I am meant to try - something is to be gained from that experience. I am a firm believer in living life to learn and taking that information and using it. Yeah I got all of this from a Pearl Jam song . . . Lol.
But, oh wait it gets better, I was still heading north aimlessly at a good rate of speed I may add when a new song came on the radio and what may that song have been you ask? Animal I Have Become so then I am thrown into Rock on the Range a month ago with Tina. Oh I love Tina to death honestly; she is just as fucked up as I am in her own little way. I haven’t known her that long but we hit it off famously right away. I tell her and Judy all the time they are my lil Mexican bitches . . . The girlfriend and the wife - love them. I have Tina recorded at Rock on the Range singing along with the song as well as many Three Days Grace, Hinder, Velvet Revolver, and Evanescence songs . . . Lots of drunken woohooooooo’s. That was the first time we had went and done anything without Judy with us, and we had so much fun.
It was about this point when I decided that I was far enough north I was not far from Cleveland by this point so I turned around at a rest area and headed back home. My mind had been cleared and I was back to Jessie again. I am back to my “normal” self for all that its worth. I am bitchy, sarcastic, open minded and ready to have fun again. I am ready to be me . . . I don’t want to sit here anymore . . . I am ready to be who I am meant to be. Oh those of you who haven’t the pleasure of meeting me yet - hehehe - be prepared I am nothing like you would ever expect me to be. I don’t try to please you, I don’t try to make you happy, and I am me - nothing more nothing less and no desire to be either!
Oh god I love a good drive sometimes. Of course had I had a plan it may not have worked out this way, but I feel better and that is all that matters! Glad to be back with those that I love and those that I have yet to grow to love . . . *mwuah*
