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I think yesterday had partially to do with meds, or the lack of them. But only partially, much of it was sleep and dreams and nightmares. I didn't have nightmares lastnight, so that's good. I have medication that supposedly helps prevent nightmares now, so I'll see how that works. Not sure I'll take it tonight cuz things seem happy and swell and stuff, but that doesn't mean ther isn't stuff floating around in my head that will lead to nightmares. Sometimes they come completly unexpected. Question for the day: What other kinds of pens do people try to sign stuff with other than ink pens? Maybe people with pen knifes, or lazer pens try to sign stuff, and put holes in the paper or something. I often say stuff in school, and no one has any idea what the fuck I'm talking about. Or atelast that's what they act like. It reminds me of when I'd voice my thoughts on things, as well as other's I'd heard, to the 1sgt and sometimes the commander. The room just fell silent, and everyone acted like I was crazy, and didn't know what I was talking about. Yah, weird army flashbacks. It's probably partly a cause of trust issues when it comes to employment, bosses, and coworkers. Some people won't even stand up for themselves when they are being backed up. then it makes the person backing them up look really ridiculous. Too many spineless bastards in the world. That's how nice people turn into assholes. They uste to help people out, then they get fucked over for doing it, or trying to do it.It's like if someone is stranded on the side of the road like they are out of gas. Then you push their car a little ways for them. Then they get in and drive away. You're left standing there like " What the FUCK!!?? " Oh, someone in nd viewd my profile 4 times in the last day or so. That's what the spacetracker thing says atleast. them northdakotaians must think I'm interesting or something. North Dakota is a rather borring place though. So I don't really feel all that special, Not really shit to do there. No offense to northdakotaians or anything. The sky is pretty there atleast.
Things are good, mostly. School is going by. Hopefully by this time next year I will have graduated. I like learning stuff, but I'm getting " burnt out ". School is about more than learning stuff. The part I get annoyed with is proving that I have learned stuff. lol. I'm getting old. I'll be 27 in January. I worry that I will end up a " weird old man " all alone. I think about what I want in a girlfriend. Someone who is independant, smart, beatiful, and love me the way I am. That would be Mellissa. :( Most of th day I can get by without thinkig about her. I can't get through most days though. I try to intelectualized, or rationialize. I've liked many people, and there's more than one person in the world I can love, and fall inlove with. Maybe there is someone as good as her out there for me. Probably is? I don't know. I don't get out much. I haven't even hungout with ny family much lately. My sleeps been messed up recently. I have lots of nightmares. I woke up screaming thismorning. I dont even remember what is was about. The night before that, I couldn't wake up from my dreams. I was actually worried I was in a coma. I kept waking up in my dream, but not really waking up, over and over and over. It was aweful. I hear stuff and see stuff after I wake up. and sometimes hear stuff before I fall asleep if I don't take my sleeping pill. It's hard to find a happy thought before sleep anymore.It uste to be melissa. It can work sometimes before falling asleep, but then I have dreams about her and wake up depressed. Why can't I just fall into a coma with those dreams?
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