PirateA's blog: "fuckiddy shit makes no sense."

written for Ris...because, she likes it. freaked out while the moon man came, and sat upon the post. to whom he thought, the rythem flew, he counted each sand of coast. faraway, the crooning cry, of menacing moose are seen. for time and money, cannot shine, like the liver and the spleen.

WHOO HOO FOR WHINEY AND DEPRESSING! hahahah, nothing like being emo:P i'm in love w/ this one thing, that i can't have, that i can't touch, that i can't see. it eludes each step i take. switches those arrows i drew in the forest. throws daylight into screaming paths of birch. touches me in my sleep, w/ hands, the body it contained long gone. presses my shoulder, holds my elbow. guides me to the next play in. i favor those i can't redeem. those whom fall. those that challenge me, when i try to challenge them. shining the polish on this heart. sqeeky clean comes down the river. flowing south, hands taken in mine, to drown in the waterfalls bustling mists.

Little fox little fox…with your bright emerald eyes… Do you see them lurking, can you hear their spies? Can you detect their approach, with ultra sonic ears… Carrying guns, bowie knives, katanas and spears. They’ve come for your coat, to steal off your skin… So you can be shown as a most formidable win. You’ll be present at high tea, balls, and suave Arabic socials… Petted and stroked as a revered trophy to locals. Dressed to the 9’s, will be your assistance… But you’re just a dog, even with their persistence. You eat your vermin, ermine, rat and vole… Sleep in the dirt; make a home of a hole. Perhaps they’re confused…maybe you’re just a 4 legged bat? ...Or a crack hallucination? “Could have just been a …” Your sweet carrion breath, and gleaming white teeth… With my heart, little fox, you’ve become a thief.

(Roosevelt Franklin) Its like, one time till’ the break of dawn like Blacking out to your favorite song like Making love till the early morn’ like Waking up and your love is gone like Feeling like you just cant go on like Everything in the worlds gone wrong like One life one love to live and something’s got to give (So lets get it) Here I stand, man apart Broken down, life’s so hard These days try to play my part But some days even that’s to hard So I drink till’ I’m drunk now, to high to come down Hide in the shadows and run for the gallows Stand up for battling, confront the demons And try to make good of this world before I leave it and They say its better to give then to receiving and To tell the truth I’m much better at receiving and I cant sleep at night from all the creeping in I could swear I feel the city breathing in When I walk the streets late in the evening I can feel the sadness, anger, seething Mother earth still cries like babies teething and I paint a picture with words to make you see ‘em and I picture life as a woman with brown skin N ice smile, black hair, titties like mountains Been around 28 years and still counting Stress and the tension be constantly doubting I want to reach out Grab life right by the face Lean in and take a taste But im afraid some days that it just aint’ safe Cause to me death looks the same just different name And I had the same friends for years The same taste in beers The same basic fears I’m glad I’m still here and can speak to ya’ll Cause for me man the sky done fall and shit shattered Broken parts that I could not fix and Chemicals that I should not mix and Who’d of thought it would come to this man Who’d of thought it would come to this Chorus: x2 I can’t sleep tonight I’m up by the light of the moon in my empty room and it’s One day since you ran away, and it’s one day since I went insane so I Drink beer to erase your face and I medicate to escape this place and I Can’t sleep in a world of pain cause nothing seems the same (Slug) It’s like you don’t even seem to give a fuck like You wait around for me to pick it up it’s like Bring it on now its so rough like There’s more to life than just kicking dust like Take the hate and tuck it into love like I’ll be alright If I hit some luck its like One life one love to live and something’s got to give ( So lets get it ) As much as I want to believe I don’t As much as I want to be free I won’t Still choke on your song’s You wrote the notes and I just sing along Still waiting for the bridge so I can drop my last verse and let It live But no you still find that spot to haunt Inside of too many thoughts, too many wants I’m drunk again, sit and spin The half full glass act’s like my best friend Laugh and grin bear my soul Grab my heart and tear it whole Put me out of my steps, set m e down Pull me into abyss and let me drown When the breath grits and death grips Maybe I can stop trying to run from these head drips Spoke like one knew better But I’m damned in the trap that I might of help you set up Don’t let up, keep the pace You can need your space or you can read my face Silence say’s so fucking much Make me down my shot just to up the lunch? We’ll give it back, release your claws It belongs in Sean in between the floors Right to left, Fights to sex Looked at your smile every night you slept Now it’s like I don’t sleep Cause this addiction to hold you fits me so deep Broken parts that I tried to fix and Chemicals that I tried to mix. Go find your shit its time you dip Cause you remind me of the bitch that made me rhyme like this Chorus x 2 I can’t sleep tonight I’m up by the light of the moon in my empty room and it’s One day since you ran away, and it’s one day since I went insane so I Drink beer to erase your face and I medicate to escape this place and I Can’t sleep in a world of pain cause nothing seems the same (Jean Grae) It’s been a long night like Alaska winter Forced ….from dinner approaching thinner The weight minimize while the stress builds Chest heavy as I wonder how the Crystal Meth feels Eyelids burning, determined to shut But the churn in the gut says keep on Jean Sleep’s for weak people lean on some speed But now every time I breathe my beats wrong Skips when I lay, breaks fast when I smoke Trips when I flip so I have to know to stay calmer The drama diminished, my armor defended Still stained with tequila and Guinness The skin erupts in bloodspots that I can’t stop scratching Imagine you bleed when you sleep So I bleed on the sheets in orderly passion the weak scarlet tears in enormous rations. Regardless fear is a normal passion I’ll keep this in mind when my hands reacting I’ll scratch out my eyes if they ever get tired Of doing my late night brain punishing action Stay awake balling, Scream to the heavens Plead for a deed that would just lay me level I hate all the test’s God please or the Devil on request Let Jean have a peace of rest, please Chorus x 2 I can’t sleep tonight I’m up by the light of the moon in my empty room and it’s One day since you ran away, and it’s one day since I went insane so I Drink beer to erase your face and I medicate to escape this place and I Can’t sleep in a world of pain cause nothing seems the same

"Please don’t release this cold Don’t touch that virus…could contain the plague…1334…man." "Don’t you know that we made this disease, That maybe it’s just what the world needs, There’s plenty of flesh for that virus to feed. Let it run rampant for an hour or two- See if we can’t eliminate those worthless few… It we can’t deplete a good chunk of the populace- And turn the rest in to a bilboard for all of this… "Show the whole world, tune ‘em into the feed… That the real disease is the human breed… We destroy, and kill, and devour and consume- I think it’s about time for the whole, baby, 'boom'." Not funny? I don’t fucking care.

I sat back and watched a life I thought was mine lived through a body so refined… Only so I could look back and see, that this life wasn’t me, that person aint free My mind’s in the dream world, somewhere in between… this madness and sadness depression and greed. But I found a solution, I picked up the gun, hung brer rabbit, and off I run… Gave him a 10 pin salute As I pressed the lines, Marching cracked boots further into dusty vines and at the end of that rainbow, i called for the hatter Figured he’d look just as good covered in grey matter. I liked how your face looked on mine After hacking and slashing I found that design Sew em together, make a maritime suit So this sense of evil can take hold, take root. Forgiven I won’t be. But I can press on Because no matter how bad, all goes away come that light of dawn.

it feels like i have a "stupid" hand....a hand that, if my other hand were not there to guide it to do what it needed, might just start some loony sort of adventure without me. ever feel like that....one stupid hand? my stupid left hand...damned thing's impossible!

the ebb and flow of tides.... make me feel tired and worn. there's so many highs and lows in life...it's kind of lost me...somewhere in the jumble of people, and their wants and needs. thank you, to the people that have used me for their own personal gain over the last couple of months... i really do appreciate any eye opening life experience... may not have been the best way to go about learning a lesson, but i now know what i would rather not be...how i would rather not be. shame on me for acting the way i do... shame on you or the same. so is this the point that i vow to never do fill in the blank, again? where i swear that from this moment henceforth, i'll be a different person...make better choices... why make a promise to yourself that you know you can't keep? how about this: i'll try my best. that when the time comes, i'll possibly have some sort of willpower...or something blah blah blah. there's no good excuse for acting in an unbefitting manner...to have a sense of propriety... i may be lonely...but rewarding people for taking the time to spend with me, isn;t the right way to go about it. being lonely...i really shouldn't try and fill it with emptiness instead of heart.

is it the law of nature that when it rains shit...you totally get dumped on ??? i can't decide if i should just give up...and let things go the route to hell that they're going...or if i should stand up, and try my 8est to make a life in a place that makes me misera8le. i want to do what's right for my lil ones...8ut what sort of decision is that to make...there's two completely different roads i can take. which one should i chose? what's the 8est decision? how can i try and make a 8etter life for everyone...when i can't even decide what's right @ this very moment? i want to 8e @ peace...for once, just once.,..in the last 6 years...i'd like to 8e ok. is that too much to ask?

sometimes i really fucking hate being alive. sometimes i wish i'd just keel over and die. sometimes i think about earthquakes and floods. sometimes i just want to crawl deep in the mud. sometimes i consider.... why not eat that pin? what harm can it do, but tickle and spin... then i think a little more, and see the true light... that there's no point in taking on that uphill sort of fight. who can swallow a grenade? a circus preformer? or a porn star, or giant, or jelliebean farmer? who wants to do damage, like razorblade soup, and man, wouldn't THAT hurt, the next time you went...DUH! why think all this cruel, and painful and crude... not to mention, gorey, and sleightly so rude... and pissy and ick... such rediculous thoughts... when there's a lot of silly shit that should really be talked?