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WHY????

2 weeks ago one mf my wrestlers was shot and killed by his stepbrother. His stepbrother was wearing gloves and kicked the shells under the bed and wouldnt call 911 but claimed itas an accident. The gun was used in a double homicide two weeks prior. I was close to Mikey, And i took it hard. His mom came ot me and hugged me, and told me i was the best that ever came from the high school and it was mikey's dream to be better then me. How do you take a comment like that? Ive certainly been as far as i could go and i cant compete anymore because of head imjuries but that totally tripped me out worse then i thought it would. But this gets worse. You see ive been under soo much stress with school work life many many many bad things going on in my life that i went into a major depression. And honestly i was harboing certain thoughts. You whatt im talking about. Im angry with mike. I feel id be dishonset to him if i did what i had been thinking about. This is constantly in my head and its leaving me so confused bitter ashamed. andi havent a clue what to do.
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