It is a lovely day today!
And yet I am in a black mod!
I do not know why? I just am!
I read yet my mind is not in it, I draw yet all that I make is darkness and black! I don’t know what to do or say! It will not go away!
I feel like something is missing…yet know not what!
As you all know I have been missing as of late I have been looking for myself! And have yet to find myself; I just don’t know where to look….. I am so tempted to look in the bottom of a bottle! But I’m not giving up, I am not weak! I will not be a loser and just give up crying in my glass about all I have lost!
People like this make me sick! I listen to everyone’s problems all the time! Yet when I give advice NO ONE LISTENS?!? For FUK sake just LISTENS and maybe you would not…. Never mind…I’m just not in a good mod and venting on the first thing I can find…. I do like listening to people and I like trying to help but I can no longer do this until I help my self and find what I have lost! I just wish I knew where to start looking?
At first I thought of looking at all those I left behind…but all I see there is pain and loss… there was someone there that was a great friend to me….I told them everything even my name….yet still that was doomed from the start! That is why I no longer give my real name! on here the only name you will ever need is Wolfie!
That dear sweet friend is gone now…I believe she past away just under a month ago and the last time we talked she asked me "could we be friends again?" … I said to her “yes of curse we can”..then nothing!...
Ya know she once pulled me back from the edge!....
I owe her a lot.. she meant a lot to me, more then you will ever know.. but that was a life time ago… now it’s all dead! Just like the missing part inside me now!
I feel like I want to cry..but I can’t! There is something holding it all in! and I just can’t let it go!!
Why cant I?
Why do I feel like there is something crushing my chest?
I wish I knew!
I just want to cry……
