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Happily In Love's blog: "thoughts"

created on 02/17/2008  |  http://fubar.com/thoughts/b189693

do u care

you say you care yet get pissed cuz im trying to confide in the one person i trust. each time i feel as if its safe to really talk to him again i get hell for it. hes the one who has kept me from depression, the one who has kept me from just sayin the hell with it and givin up again. it has nothing to do with you or against you but it seems like you always think it does. you never believe a word i say when i say that i just need my friendship with him. yeah so we said we wouldnt talk as much and yeah lately we have been but thats cuz he knows i need someone who can make me smile, and i know that he will do all he can to help make me feel better. i have tried all i can to keep from getting depressed again as it never ends good and the one way i have found that works is confiding in him, talking to him when it seems as if every thing is just going to fall apart on me. im sorry if that seems like we are talking too much , sorry if you cant let your paranioa go but thats the way it is. sometimes it makes me wonder if you really care the way you say you do.

why do i even try

I have done my best to let things be and just stay friends. But it still seems as if thats not enough because every time i turn to him for a friend to talk to i get the third degree. He understands me and can make things seem better even though they really arent but for a few minutes he makes it feel like they are. You say you dont care we are friends but each time we talk you get jealous even though its simply bout things that are going on in my life. I have told you multiple times its just easier for me to talk to guys and he really understands me thats why i can talk to him bout everything and not you. its nothing against you. just the way i am. im dealin with so much right now that i need a friend who understands me, who i can randomly blow up at and know they wont take it personally, or just simply someone to listen who wont judge me. im sorry but that doesnt describe a single female i know. but it does describe him. thats why i always talk to him when im down. but it seems like all that does is cause more problems. I have tried letting things go the way they go but anymore it doesnt seem like that is possible because something bad always comes of it. im sorry that you and him still have a lot of problems but i have nothing to do with that as much as you may think i do. you tell me you guys are having issues yet at the same time tell me that you love me and want things to work between us...well how the hell is that supposed to happen cuz last i checked when you are having emotional issues it affects every thing and everyone you are close to. hell thats why i have just backed off...i know im a fuckin emotional train wreck and didnt want that to hurt us but it still obviously is even though i have backed off a lil. im sorry that me confiding in him has hurt you but i have nobody else i trust the way i do him. do what you have to do from here on out cuz im sick of always gettin shot down when i try confiding in someone when i try makin it so im not bottleing everything up. trying obviously isnt working so im done. when you think things are good enough for us to maybe try workin things out you know where i am. but right now i cant handle the random blow ups and the make me feel like shit comments....i have enough to deal with i dont need that too

to my babi

We've only been together a little more than a month. But we have already been through a lot. And have much more ahead of us. Its hard to handle. And tearing me apart but Im not giving up! As long as you respect me and dont crew me over Im not going anywhere. If I find out you are lying to me and get hurt then well I guess peole will be able to tell me "I told you so". But I hope Im the one who gets to say that. In the time we have been together you have made me a lot happier and made me really love again. I love you babi and Im not going to give up no matter what.

special friend

We always used to chat. But then I started getting really busy and it seems we've driffed apart. Its a feeling I totally hate! You ahve become such a large part of my life. I dont want to lose you. I've lost enough friends lately, dont want to add you to that list. When shit gets rough you stick by myside as I do yours. And well there arent many people out there any more who are friends like that. Maybe its because you see meas a person, a mother, and a friend not some pretty young girl whos single. Honestly it doesnt matter though, no matter the reason you actually get me. I dont have to explain everything to you, you just getit. I miss that! I miss you!

No longer

So weeks have passed with me barley speaking to you. No longer does it hurt. No longer am I angry. Instead I simply dont care. YOu have hurt me beyond repair but now I can see you obviously arent the one for me. For some reason you couldnt see what you meant to me. Ims sure part of me still loves you but no longer is that part of me dominant. When you fully attatched yourself to her, I unattatched myself from you. Part of me wishes it happed differently but in my heart I know this is what I needed. This proved to me that you were only using me. Because I was more convient I was the one you came to even though you no longer cared. I have realized Im better off without you!

such a great friend

you have been there for me through it all. you dont judge me no matter what you think of the choices I make. Instead you just let me know if you think Im making the wrong choice in a polite way and then leave it be. You understnad Im a big girl whos gonna make my own choices. You seem to understand me no matter what. When most others dont you do without me having to explain. Many others have just suddenly walked out of my life with no reason whats so ever. But you are still there right beside me. Making sure everything is okay and Im alright. You are an amazing friend and I really dont know what I would do if I lost our friendship. Yours is one I believe to be true.

what happened

dont know what happened. i sit here trying to figure it out but i cant seem to. we used to be really close. told each other pretty much everything. now we almost never talk. it kills me inside to think that our friendship has just died but to me thats exactly waht it feels like. ever since i said i was with him things have totally come to an end and nothing seem to be the same. which i really dont understand seeing this is not the first time ive been with someone since we have been friends. dont know if thats what it is. dont know if she has something to do with it seeing the last time we really talked like we used to it ended in an argument over her...with you defending her. i have no clue what make us fall apart the way we have but i miss you! i miss the friendship we had! i dont kno whow much it really matters to you but it matters a lot to me. you have become a huge part of my life and losing you is not something i really want to do

Miss my friend

I miss my friend The one I could always turn to Used to laugh with Just talk to Dont know what happened Things arent the same I miss my friend The one who would put me in my place Make me see the truth Even when it hurt Opening my eyes To all I didnt want to see I miss my friend Dont know what happened Barley hear from him now Wish it was the way it used to be Because I really miss my friend

wont be around much

Hey everyone just wanted to let you know I might not be around that much over the next couple weeks. We are getting ready to move into our new house so there is a lot of work to do and then there will probably be a few days I wot have the net....but I will get on when I can. Dont worry I will get on to keep track of the auction and let everyone know the results when its over. Just wanted to let you know that I probably wont be on as much as I usually am. Take care and feel free to hit me up when you see that Im on.

My Amazing Fu Friends

Many people on here have become good friends to me, too many to single out each one. So this is a thank you to everyone whos became a friend. Eah of you are special in your own way. Yes some are younger, some are older, but you each help me at some point. Some with a kind word, some witha perverted statement, and some by simply listening. Therea re a fewwho are there more the others but thats alright. Hopefully you all know Im here for you in any way I can be! You aer all great people and wonderful friends. Thank you for all you guys have done!
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