Happily In Love's blog: "more thoughts"

Ok so now its been 2 1/2 months that I've been with my boyfriend. Things were amazing at first and I thought that maybe he was going to be different from the rest but I'm starting to see that may not be the case. He no longer makes attempts to come see me, he's always "forgetting" to call me back when he says he's going to and most the time he says he for some reason doesn't get my text messages but he's the only person who doesn't. I don't understand it. And every time I try talking to him about it he tells me that nothing has changed and it's just me. Yet the thing that really sux...is I talk to one of my ex's more than I do him now. I just don't know what to do. I'm so sick of being the only one tryin to make our relationship work. Yet he gets angry if he hears I'm talkin to or hanging out with one of my male friends. I'm just so sick of it all. I just want to give up right about now. I mean once again I let someone in, even my daughter loves him....so I don't know what to do. I don't want to break my daughters heart but I really don't know how much more of this I can take......

I love him so much but I just dont know as that I can keep this up anymore. Every time I turn around hes sayin he cant come over for some reason or another. Yet he tells me he wants to see me and be wih me. How do I believe it when he doesnt really show it? I dont want to let him go because I honestly love him with everything I have. He's honestly replaced the one person I thought nobody would ever come close to in my heart and that scares the shit outta me cuz I dont want to get hurt again. I was hurt enough in the past and I know exactly how much he could hurt me without really trying. He's always telling me he would never hurt me and that Im supposed to tell him if he ever does but I just cant do that. I dont know how to tell him that his stubborn stupid ass is breakin my heart a lil more every day. I dont want him to think I dont understand but I'm startin to wonder if Im not understanding what I want and not whats really going. I think I have cried more this week than have since I lost the last one who I truely loved....which was almost a year ago, well actually it was over a year. Just once again I sit here lost in heartach not knowing what to do

I hate this feeling of not knowing whats going on or what I should do. He acts like he really does want me when we are together tells me he loves me all the time but then he ignores me....Something just doesnt feel right. Maybe Im just paranoid but I dont know anymore. Usually when I get this feling something isnt right and I end up bing the one to get hurt. I dont want anyone home to know whats going on because they all like him and if Im wrong then I dont want them to be mad at him. But its so hard to hide the hurt that Im feeling. He swears Im his only girl but then his best friend acts like hes her man and his ex just randomly showed up a the new place only a day after he moved it making me wonder how the hell did she know where he was living. I just dont know what to do anymore.....I feel lost and alone, like nothing matters anymore. Almost as if hes tearing my heart in shreds without even knowing it...

Ok so have you ever been so close to that someone you know you shouldnt be? But as much as your mind tells you to back off you cant help but be their best friend and be there for them no matter what. Some times things in life arent fair and it seems like everyone who should have no say in your life are trying to run it. And then you decide to turn and do your own thing knowing it may cause problems down the road. Yeah thats kinda where I am. I know I shouldnt be so close, shouldnt let him in the way I have but hes a great guy and a wonderful friend. I guess if any one has a problem with us being close they are just going to have to deal cuz Im not giving up my friendship with him no matter who likes it or who doesnt. Have you ever had that one person who just makes your heart skip a beat and a smile appear on your face without even trying. Yet there are still things that keep your gaurd up cuz you are afraid somethings going to go wrong and you will once again be hurt. He has my heart I can honestly say that. But there are a few things that make me wonder if I really have his the way he says I do. Theres the best friend who has openly addmitted she wants him and even though he is with me she still calls him baby and all that shit. And then theres the random ex who just happens to show up at his new place only 24 hours after he moves in. Sometimes things tell me its too good to be true and theres no way I can really have it so good. But then theres other things that tell me I deserve this. My friends dont understand what Im dealin with even though they try. I really cant tell anyone exactly whats going on in my head. And of course theres nobody who knows whats in my heart. But I dont know what to do or what to think. I have so many amazing people in my life. So many people trying to help me get on track for once. Yet there are lil things that just make me wonder if my life is ever gonna be the way I want it to be. Ok so enough venting for now. If you dont know exactly what Im talkin about here just send me a pm and I may answer you or I may not.

Why is it when I think everything is starting to work out for me that something has to come along and complicate shit? I have a good guy now, hes good to me and my daughter even if there are times when I wonder what the truth really is...but then again thats probably just my paranoia kicking in like always. Things are going really good with him. And then my ex has to walk back into my life and tell me how he really feels. When the whole reason I left him was cuz I didnt think he was serious about us.... Now Im not going to leave my man for him but it still hurts. I mean I really did like him but I couldnt handle not knowing the truth when he was so far away. And now that he says how he feels its too late. Then to make things ever worse, the one guy I was trying to hold a friendship with even though his family hates me has once again started his bullshit with me. Trying to blame me for his marriage failing. When I had nothing to do with it. I may not have liked the fact that he was married to who he was but I wouldnt ruin it. So instead of working out our friendship Im starting to hate him to no end. Almost wish I had never met him or his family. Why does it seem like my life cant be easy for once. I cant have a drama bullshit free life for even a month. I've got a great guy and my lil girl so why cant anything go the way I want for it to???

I am trying to find different pics and comments that are firefighter related. Not having much luck though. Anyone have any ideas where I may beable to find some. I need ones I can save to my pc. Thanks. Oh and to anyone who can help me out if the info you give me helps me find pics or comments I will buy you a drink of your choice. And depending on how many pics/comments i find will rate pics/stash

Have you ever just loved someone so much you feel as if you'd give anything to make them happy? Even if that meant you had to tear yourself apart? Right now thats how Im feeling. I would do anything to make him happy and I thought he knew that. I've even considered moving out of where I am now cuz he doesnt like the living arrangements Im in. And right now I dont have to worry about anything by my daughters needs and my phone bill. If I move out Im once again responcible for everything which I dont have a problem with but I know with my job it would be really hard and would put a lot of stress on me. But if it meant him and I could be happy I would do it. Hell Ive even agreed to put up with things I wouldnt deal with from most people. I still havent figured out how he did it but he has totally stolen my heart. And that part that makes it even harder is hes also stolen my daughters. She just adores him. Every time hes around she goes straight to him, once she realizes who he is, and then she wants him over me. I dont want to see her get crushed over this. Its bad enough I know if I was ever to lose him it would totally crush me but I dont think I could handle knowing Im the reason for my lil girl to have a broken heart already. Hes even had me looking at a future with him...and thats really hard to do after the shit I went through with my daughters father. I just dont know what to think. Its just one of those times where I would do anything to make him happy but he just needs to tell me what it is that I need to do. Ive even brought him home and let him meet the family...first time Ive done that since my daughters father almost three years ago. I feel like Im stuck. Its not that I couldnt find anyone else cuz I know I could its just that I really dont want anyone else.

Days were long Nights were lonely Felt like I had nothing Nobody who really cared But then you appeared changing it all Now days have meaning Nights filled with dreams I smile a real smile again Knowing you are there Showing me you really care You make me happy Show me I have plenty Making me look forward to each day YOu changed everything Simply by being there!

When will it end? You wont be faithful Always acting single You're engaged Yet sleeping with a good friend Flaunting to all who want to see Doesnt matter who you hurt As long as you get noticed You could careless When will it end?

First my boyfriends Then my fiancee Now male friends You cant keep away Always opening your legs Flaungint what you got Making empty promises Thought you were a friend But you arent All you show is betrayal!