Chrissy in CT's blog: "The toughest woman i know..."

My oldest memories of my uncle (my mother's brother) was him chasing a jackrabbit around the back yard of my grandparents house, of his old car that he had, of the country music he and my family all played on saturday nights around the kitchen table (which i used to fall asleep under listening) to getting my ass beat for being to lazy to go into the house to go to the bathroom and getting caught peeing in the yard behind a rock lol. He passed away tonight. One of the last two people on earth who remember me from baby on up. Who dried my tears, fixed my boo boos, beat my ass and loved me no matter what. He had a hard life. Was an alcoholic most of it moving around from job to job with a wife and two kids. She stuck by him ...35 years. Now with two grown children and several grandchildren. The years of abusing his body took its toll. Cardiovascular disease, diabetes and emphysema. I wish i could say what I am feeling at this very moment. Given the previous blog I did of the other day about my job and crazy boss and now this news I'm feeling quite disjointed about life in general. Im not asking why but what next? I havent even cried. I rejoice in my heart for him to not have to suffer anymore. Its no fun watching someone die. I've done it several times before with other numerous family members. In fact I feel they are the lucky ones. No more suffering and problem solving. Just peace..hopefully. In my life at this present time thats all i seek...peace of mind, heart and soul. I dont believe you have to die to achieve this but wonder where in the world to find it. Perhaps I am going about it in the wrong way. I need to find it from within. I will be out of the loop for a few days once i find out the details of when and where will be off to Baltimore. Say a prayer for those of us left behind if you have the time or inclination. I could use all the help i can get. Love you, Chrissy