Tonight is the closest I have come to suicide in over 12 yrs. My pain is so much that I do not know what to do. I used to count on one man not to hurt me but he has. I refused to believe that he could do it, but I still can not blame him. I believe I hurt him first not knowing too.
I can't tell him I'm sorry now, because he won't talk to me. He is in another country and I will not be able to see him anytime soon, if he will let me. I wish to the Goddess that I was never born, because I do not know how to handle all the emotions that are going through me right now.
I started to fall for another man and he won't talk to me either. I don't know why this time. I wish I knew what to do right now. To wait for my first love or to go ahead and try to make things work with the new man I started to fall for. Or to wait even longer for someone else?
GGGRRRR!!! I so hate my life!!
