Ok so in the last few days I have found out a few things!! How much my family hates me!! Up to including my own mother!!! I have always been the black sheep. Well shit the outcast of the outcast in my family!!! Yet the way I was raised was matrilocal. That I was in line after my mother was gone.
I have been raised almost the same way but for one major factor like my mother and her mother! They were never abused like I was!!!!
Which has lead to a major diffrence between me and my family!! And also trying to break the cycle of abuse from mother to their children!!! I am the last to know anything in my family now. When I shouldn't be. Oh well I have never really wanted my so called birthright!!! But it still hurts to be sunded!!!
I have just lost my great aunt to malpractice. And top of all that no one told me of my grandmother!!! Yes, I may not call or keep in contact with my family as often as most people do, but I have learned since they do not want me in the family to keep my distance!!!
Two major things happened within close timing and no one told me. That was beyond what I thought was of my family!!! I knew that any major harm to a family member I would know about ASAP!!! I didn't know for over a month this time!!!!!
Now I am left with the aftermath that everyone else already dealt with. I was told it shouldn't have happened if doctors did their job! Now all I want to do is fly back and harm those that killed my great aunt!!! NO ONE ELSE WILL!!
There is so much going through my mind right now. All the memories that I have of my great aunt. The things she told me about how to make seaweed the traditional way. The fights my mom and I would have over the seaweed that she would send to us for christmas, LOL. Some of our legend's she past down to me.
Maybe this is why my family wouldn't tell me sooner!!! That I would do anything to go up there and harm those that killed her!!!
Is this why my family didn't tell me sooner?
I also know this is the start of the long road to many deaths in my family!! The sad part of being in a large family to begin with!! I knew this day would come but have always dreaded it coming!! My great aunt is the first of my family that has died that I was close to in a way.
I hope you all are doing way better than I am at this point!! May the Goddess watch over and protect you all!!
