Ok for those who keep asking me this is why!! The main reason is the fact 8 years ago I almost died on my birthday from my first ex-husband on my birthday. And if you read my poems you have a clearer picture of why I hate my birthday. If not well I have had a very shitty life. I have lived through more shit than anyone should before I was 16.
I may have many reasons to hate life, but I have two reasons why I need to go on(my daughters). My daughter is the rock I rely on to get me up in the morning to continue with this shit hole life. I may one day fine the love I want and need. I don't hold my breath for it. I thought I had it once, but as it turned out it wasn't.
I have for many years believed that I am cursed when it comes to love!! Hence the reasons why I have the tattoo of a lone wolf on my chest close to my heart. I am not sure if I will have the future I dream about. I hope that I will find someone that will understand me and accept me. So far haven't found that with anyone, they all try to change me or they themselves change.
There has been many times that I have thought of myself as a succubus. So far whoever I get involved with turns into a monster after a time. I suck the good out of them!! Whatever I touch turns to shit!! I learned along time ago that!! I have a big fear that the future I dream about is just that a dream, that I will never find anyone to endure the intense feelings I have. I feel things way too much compared to the average person!!! That No One will survive my intense emotions. I have always had this problem and finding someone that can survive them is my problem. I can not be any other way. I have tried and made things worse.
One day I will find peace and happiness. But that may not be this lifetime. I accept it but the hope is that my soul mate is out there somewhere!!
I don't think the Gods and Goddess are that mean. But then again they can be, especially after the life I have lived so far.
Ok I am done ranting for now. May the Goddess watch over, protect and bless you all!
